I’m Sorry, I Made That

photo by Donny

An opportunity
Kozar. [vision of a mean-looking person coming to a line of people and slapping someone near the front of the line so hard they fall to the ground and then doing the same to someone towards the end of the line]
He didn’t quit.
‘Cause you make it,
you always make it.
This is not a spiritual Disney Land.
This is not great,
but it has awareness in it.

I’m feeling the world.
I’m feeling my own inadequacies.
I love my dog.
This is great,
such warm sunshine,
and my little boy,
he carries my heart around on his sleeve.
I carry his form around in my eyes.
He’s wonderful to look at.
Those are my propellers,
and I love to be successful with them:
that little boy gets what he needs,
that Rottweiler.

I measure my life by this,
how successful I am with people.
Do we all stand here?
He’s form to look at,
that one sittin’ there.
It must be Himself,
the divine in the room,
all the way to God.
This is not just some form in my head.
Oh my God it’s God,
tangible, real.

How do I count this to you?
I don’t think it’s possible.
Ultra-dimensions pass on through each other
and come hold hands with my life,
like they know me.
That street sign,
it has my name on it.
That t-shirt
beat the impossible.
See that beggar?
Hump that one.
And God waves at yah.
It comes and goes.
India is the attitude of the divine.
You’re not gettin’ it.
It would not be an information folder.
It’s not a belief system.
I’m right there.
I’m not shaking like a leaf.
12 o’clock
I can see divine process,
and you’re saying probably the hardest thing to say:
you’re meeting deity on your terms.

This is not major broadcast news.
Who wants to hear about it?
I stand, I see, I know God.
It’s not like you think,
all fire and brimstone.
It’s love.
The patience They have can move mountains.
I’m all stacked up God,
individual deities in the room too.
They just love yah to death.

How do we measure Them?
Okay I’m human, You’re divine,
and let’s get this point across.
Come here—
like my Rottweiler I can’t say no.
They hand me.
It’s wonderful.

Okay you can’t see Them.
How do I call out to you?
You’re my bro, see.
They are not yet my next of kin.
It’s this gulf/divide. [words spoken simultaneously]
They come here in representation.
Representation divides my room.
I can’t bite the hand that feeds me,
but it’s all aglow.

What do we do with all this see?
Show it to yah.
You’ll deny it.
You won’t like it.
But the mountain has some of yah,
if you’re wide awake,
and God’ll think you’ll die,
you can’t hold ‘im.

I would take you to summer school.
Hop on my bus.
It’s crowded.
Who will my drink companion?
I’m lookin’ at an empty bus.
Well here’s lookin’ at yah kid.
I’m all full of deity.

Why can’t I transform?
Okay, I’m still in ordinary consciousness.
What’s the deal?
Flash floods,
people just crowd me out of God.
They’re my touchy-feely reality.
I have to live with them.
It gets bigger all the time,
the living room of embodied existence,
I mean the people interacting with mine.
Okay, get rid of it.
That’s not possible.

I have to live up to you,
and Douglas I do.
That’s my partner.
Where do we go with all this human?
You can’t tell ‘em you’re out to lunch.
All this density defies deity,
or does it?
Density of human being,
can we control that?

Density of human being we can get better.
We can put everybody at their stations
and have a crowded room to ourselves,
when our very own room is impossible.
I know how to do that with that boy,
put him to his whatever.
This takes timing and security.
You have to know when to go in
and realize you’re safe to do that.
You’re buildin’ walls
that don’t keep people out as much as you in.
You see the lighter?

Instructing my house,
arguably a bit more busy than yours.
I think the magic has to go to the transformation.
We’re opening divine consciousness.
It’s the deity in the room.
Oh and speaking of which,
for love of Rottweiler
I do not control this poem.
Do you know how lovely a Rottweiler is?
I’m here for deity.
I mean I must be.
I wanna be.
It’s not happenin’.

They’re there for me.
All the dogs burst through the door,
have joined me on the bed.
Oh those dogs.
Now listen,
I’m giving you instructions I’m gettin’.
Bruno’s eating a pair of shorts.
Bruno!
A blow by blow poem. [actually describing events in my room as they happen]
Now take this job and shove it.
Can we trust divine process?
It’s so large.
It destroys us.

Alright poet clear the room.
I’m not killin’ yah.
Even when it’s got our good at heart,
it makes us lift the human race higher than we are
every time we say the word.
I’m expressive of deity.
I am so expressive of human.
Everything’s a divine moment you see.
I can’t get over it.
I’m gonna go pet my Rottweiler.
There are no complications there.

A reader is left wondering what to do,
and you know I’m listenin’ too.
Turn God into slime,
or silly putty,
just stay sober.
I’m gonna
go to every page of this diary.
I’m not gonna be a fool.
I’m gonna put my relations on rightly:
stand back and see God,
all the time.

Weird Alf,
take it from here.
Oh no it’s terrible.
You know I’m talking about mocking videos,
Auroville infighting,
all this irony,
all these videos.
Sit down.
Well he has never failed on your science test.
Wait his test.
You’ll get caught up in something,
and you’re not the angel in the room.
We say nobody’s perfect.
What we mean is
wow, nobody’s good.

Now, starting with the elementary school,
we’re gonna look through that door.
Where gonna look
at God see there.
It has a hand on your life
that your dog can show you.
You can put your foot down,
and the dog knows you’re his master,
or you can look at that tea kettle.
It’s an attention grabber.
Now we can go to that military tank.
No it’s not aimed at us.
It’s protection.

How do we find God?
Well I’ve given you the first number:
I made a mistake.
It happens to the best of us.
I’m having one
big relationship
with the world through God.
Now listen,
you have to pick God up somehow.
It’s not done by books and tea stories.
There are no other eyes but God,
and that’s half the equation.
God sees even without eyes.
It’s not a blind relationship.
You’re all over it.
You’re there in the midst.
Peel back the walls.

Boy double field have I done.
I don’t know, a counter offensive.
Take back the city of Kyiv.
We’re military commanders.
We’ve got to get our capitol straight.
That’s the only thing holding us up for war.
The military is on my side.
We let the divine victory go ahead.
This is major defeat for the enemy.
You can’t give them soosh anymore,
that sudden life force
they get from bad relations.
These are not human creatures.
They’re the anti-divine.

Fuck all this raincoat.
That’s a blow off statement.
I’m a pop singer.
I’m going to bring you down to science.
God is not cultivated clay.
God is right there in your room.
You can’t get nothing out of Him.
You’re a pauper when it comes to purpose.
You have no burning need.
Notice God is there
when life can’t go on without Him.
This is an apple yard.
I don’t think despair has you by the throat.
You’re not in hell on earth.
That’s another kind of find Him.

You’re really restricted.
There is no room for you in society.
You try to keep up appearances.
You can’t define yourself.
You plainly see your inadequacies,
and you need help.
This is beyond human repair.
I wonder to suicide,
or I’m scarin’ to Mexico.
It’s got so bad he wants to bring something back.
These are the circumstances to bring God into my life.
I don’t care about the double feelings.
God to come in.

You wanna contact with the two brothers.
I pick the color O’Neill. [spoken in Douglas’ voice]
Taste sweet.
I think gonna sell the island.
You mean he’s gonna be known by the public?
Did he bite you?
No he didn’t. [vision of Nitish running off a street dog with a stick, and it seemed like it bit him, but it didn’t. I’m speaking the two lines to him in the vision]
There is protest.
There is this one
say it here,
and I watch while the balloon take me.
But you'd probably think it bites living in an Amish paradise. [heard sung by Weird Al, “Amish Paradise”]
It was God don’t wanna tell yah.

Where do we rose the poem,
an Amish simplicity in Auroville?
I think we’re talking to everybody.
Great Thou art.
No need to wear homespun clothes,
get all down and dirty
in fixin’ crops.
You can be an urbanite,
or not.
Where we come simple is God.
He’s the keeper
of our relationships human.
We look at all things through Him.
Can you envision this?

Now fight that crowd
God in the flesh.
We are only meeting ourselves.
Nobody has it right in Auroville.
Divine consciousness came.
I think you all spit on it.
Is there anyone on earth that doesn’t?
Few of you.

On top of Auroville
divine process happens.
You would not like to know I’m there.
I’m sorry,
this happens.
An Amish simplicity round house,
I’m doin’ the best I can.
Could you meet me up there?

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