Your Horsemen Are Already Here

me coming in door
photo: Dhina

Your Horsemen Are Already Here

Our dreams are scattered not only with the present and past, but also the future. That’s usually hard to see until the thing predicted happens, and even then you have to be able to interpret the symbols of the future in dream to see it when it does manifest. I’ve done dream work on four continents, in many different cultures and religions, and I’ve seen it over and over. In my nonfiction story “Behind the Mask Jerusalem, the Journey of a Thousand Tongues”, posted on my personal blog, I give a very clear example of a dream of the future that is cloaked in symbols, since dream is from our creative reflex and doesn’t usually say anything outright but tells a story of the story that will manifest at some point in waking reality, usually quite soon, but not always. About three weeks ago, however, I had a precognitive dream that wasn’t hidden in symbols, and though it wasn’t an exact rendition of the waking reality event, it was close enough to have no doubt it was precognitive dreaming, and even before the event occurred, I was waiting for it to happen. It did last week.

I dreamed I was in my room, and a person came in and told me someone very special to me was at the door, that they’d brought them, some close relative I hadn’t seen in a long time. I went into the living room of my apartment, which was a little different than the one in waking reality, and at the door was Midhun, my one and only yoga student, who had moved to another city about a year ago. When I saw him there was a dream shift, and the scene changed, as though the piece of ‘dream ground’ he was standing on wasn’t dream but waking reality, although there was a glow to it, and that glow was his presence, like it was actually him standing there. I was surprised to see him, and we hugged, and when we did I started to become lucid but woke up before I did.

About 2 weeks after the dream I was in my room, and someone came in and said someone had come to see me, was at the locked gate downstairs waiting to be let in, and it was Midhun, the person telling me that knowing it would be a surprise, and I’d be happy about it. I sent someone down with the key, but it took some time, and so I went out to open it myself, but there he was at my front door exactly like he’d been in the dream, and we hugged and had a short but fruitful three hour visit.

Now, I’d sent him a Facebook message a few days after my dream telling him about it. He’s in school and a teenager, and his parents don’t want him traveling here alone, why I haven’t seen him for so long. You could say my telling him the dream made him come, but he came on family business, something that happened on the spur of the moment, though he probably took the opportunity given him to come when it finally presented itself. In any event, the conscious power behind dream knew that opportunity would come, and the events of the dream itself were an obvious rendition of waking reality, making it such a clear example of the future in dream.

A dream connection like that we don’t just have with anyone. I’ve been in his dreams for the past three years, and he in mine, my muse too, and it was dream that brought him to me to begin with. For reasons I relate elsewhere, my function on the spiritual path is not to do the usual and become a teacher, and so I don’t accept students. When he showed up at my door the first time he wanted to talk to me about superpowers. He was 14. I laughed and talked to him a bit and sent him on his way. Then he returned a few days later and told me of a dream he’d had where I was his teacher. I explained again I didn’t accept students. Then he came again telling of another dream where I was his teacher, and I refused again, though I told him a couple of stories I tell the young people here, what had brought him to me to begin with since he’d heard about it. But he was persistent, and the next time he came I’d had a lucid dream about teaching him, and it’d come up in my muse, and so I agreed, but I told him I wouldn’t be his teacher, just his coach, and that the teachers would be The Mother and Sri Aurobindo, who my teachers are.

He advanced rapidly, too fast, and in a short time he was having lucid dreams and inner contact with deity, vibration in the heart and head, a little of the inner voice, and by the time he left he was having out of body experiences, but I didn’t focus him on those things. I was giving him the tools to find his soul and God. By that time he was being pulled into trance in the late mornings in school, and he was experiencing changes in his consciousness, and it scared him a little bit, and just when he learned not to be afraid, his family moved unexpectedly to another city. Obviously he needed time to assimilate all that he’d learned, and so the conscious power behind reality arranged for that to happen.

Even though I told him I would only be his coach, in practice I became his teacher, and that’s a relationship on the level of soul when it comes from within like it did with both of us, and so the connection between us in dream in very strong, as evidenced by the precognitive dream being so close to what happened in waking reality and the realness of his presence in the dream. We don’t hear about these kinds of precognitive dreams very much because the dream connection has to be quite strong, and they happen more in private I imagine, like between spiritual teachers and their students.

I will close by saying that, although for all practical purposes I’m his spiritual teacher, I’m still ‘coaching’ him to the real teachers, the Mother and Sri Aurobindo, and as for the future, I think I’ve shown that, not only the future of our relationship (that there’ll be more inner connection and outer meeting), but also that the future is here among us already if we can but see it. Dreams are the most readily available portal for that, and you’re actually seeing it often and just don’t realize it. When, however, you have a dream like I describe here, and it comes true, you begin to.

Divine Whispers: Allegiance


A number of years ago I wrote an article about a synchronicity I had with the book Star Wars: Allegiance in which I tried to show how just about anything can be a source of guidance. Since then that book has been sitting in a drawer in the guest bedroom of my house, and while I’ve donated many other books like that to the library, and more or less stopped reading that type of book, I still found it hard to part with it because of that connection.

About a week ago though, I decided to give the book to Nick, the son of my co-worker Rhonda. Nick loves Star Wars, but like many in this ipad generation he never pulls his head out of his tablet or his laptop and actually reads a book. I decided I would give the book to him in the hopes it might stimulate some interest in reading.  So I took it to work and did so. After he’d left to catch the school bus Rhonda told me that that day was actually Nick’s 13th birthday, and that I’d brought him a birthday gift without knowing it. That made me smile and was confirmation for me that giving him the book was the right thing to do, even if he never reads it. But more importantly this little wink from the universe gave me a chance to marvel once again at how there’s a plan, a purpose in the unfolding of the universe. I believe that purpose is for this universe to evolve into what, for lack of a better phrase, you could call heaven on earth, a world of light, beauty, goodwill, peace and harmony.

It seemed appropriate in light of all this to repost this article, called Divine Whispers: Allegiance, on this leap year day, which is celebrated in the Sri Aurobindo Ashram as the Golden Day. Though progress has been made since I wrote this article eight years ago there is still a ways to go. I take this Golden Day and this posting as an opportunity to rededicate myself to the work of giving my allegiance completely to the Divine.

Divine Whispers: Allegiance

As a boy, one of my greatest loves was Star Wars, and I spent many hours immersing myself in that fantasy world as I played with my toys. Eventually I gave up my toys but my hunger for Star Wars found a new outlet in a succession of new novels and comic books, authorized by George Lucas, chronicling the further adventures of Luke, Han and Leia. A time came though when I even gave those up as my attention turned more towards things divine. Recently however a new Star Wars novel entered my life in such an incredibly synchronic way with a message for me that was so direct and personal that I realized yet again that you can’t discount anything as a potential divine messenger. To illustrate that fact using this particular occurrence is the purpose of this article.

Our story begins not long ago in an american book store far far away. On that day I walked into Barnes and Noble booksellers with $8 left on a gift card and an intention to spend it. As soon as I passed through the door my gaze fell upon a display for the newest Star Wars novel in paperback. It’s name was Allegiance. As soon as I saw it I felt something click inside of me accompanied by this strong feeling that this was the book I had come here to buy. In addition, the whole display for the book seemed to pop into focus in a way that made it stand out sharply from everything else around it. I paused for a moment to reflect on this as it seemed to me to be a very clear intuition that buying this book was in tune with my process. The mind however couldn’t see what purpose it would serve to read something mainly designed to entertain the vital, so I decided to have a look and see what else was available in the store. It seemed to me I should try to find something that had a bit more food for the soul.

After browsing for a while I was able to find only one book that seemed like it might be worth reading. So I went to the science fiction section where they had a few more copies of Star Wars: Allegiance. My vital was of course attracted to the book but it seemed to be willing to live without it. Thus I took the book in my hand and with a rare attitude of complete detachment concerning the outcome I asked the Mother to give me a sign that she wanted me to buy it. Having done that I opened the book and began to read. What I read was a passage where Luke was receiving inner guidance from the voice of Obi Wan Kenobi speaking inside of his head. Now I am not unacquainted with startling synchronicities, but I must admit that I was blown away by this. What clearer sign could I have gotten than Luke receiving guidance from his teacher? Though I was still unclear as to what purpose reading this book would serve, my doubts in regard to buying it were dispelled. Without further hesitation I went up to the counter and bought the book.

I found it quite easy to fall back into my old vital groove and I devoured the book ravenously. As I read I remained attentive in order to discern what the book had to teach me. One of the noteworthy things about the book was that it explored the phenomenon of voice and vision in a way I had not seen in other Star Wars novels. The passage I read at Barnes and Noble was one of several in which Luke receives guidance in this manner. Star Wars is of course quite yogic in some respects i.e. the Force, the guru/disciple relationship etc., but it was still interesting for me to see this coming up in a modern work of popular fiction. To me this would seem to indicate that this type of occult phenomenon is on the rise in the human collective. I found myself wondering if this was all the book had to show me, but it turned out it had a much more personal and specific message for me, one regarding my allegiance.

The events in Star Wars: Allegiance take place shortly after the destruction of the Death Star in Star Wars: A New Hope. In the book a disgruntled Han Solo is vacillating on whether or not he wants to fully commit himself to helping the rebellion. There is a struggle between his mind, which knows he should help the rebellion, and his vital, which would rather be free to pursue his own interests.

It took me some time to see it, but finally it hit home that the divine wanted to show me that I was in the same situation as Han. Let me explain. Here in Pondicherry I am involved in a collective sadhana with my fellow Chipmunk collaborators Donny and David. As David pointed out in the December 2007 issue of The Chipmunk Press it’s not an easy situation for any of us. As a result I had a mental/vital split like Han. My mind for the most part had consented to the group process since it knew that it was following the will of the divine. The vital however was not happy about the level of difficulty and sacrifice involved and desired (much of the time) to be free of the situation and responsible once again for no one but myself. These sorts of mental/vital splits are par for the course for a struggling sadhak, and of course the best way to deal with it is to throw out the vital uprisings and suggestions. To do that effectively though the mind has to be resolute and mine was still somewhat divided. Thus the antics of the vital were at times given free play and the result was a lot of personal suffering.

I had been aware of this problem for quite some time but found myself unable to resolve it until I read Star Wars: Allegiance. Seeing the divine point out my divided state in so blatant and conscious a manner had a definitive impact on the mind and a lesser but still significant effect on the vital. The mind has now taken a firm resolution to accept my place in the divine scheme of things and to throw out the rebellious suggestions of the vital. The vital itself is not so one pointed and still has its movements of revolt, but there is a more general attitude of consent to the situation even if it is a somewhat reluctant consent. Whether this state is permanent only time will tell. It seems however that something fundamental has been achieved.

By the end of Star Wars: Allegiance Han has finally made a decisive turn as well. In the final pages of the book Princess Leia asks Han if for the moment he can commit to just one person even if he can’t commit to the whole rebellion. Han’s comrade Chewbacca was formerly a slave of the empire and is very enthusiastic about the rebellion. Therefore, Leia asks Han to commit to Chewbacca, and out of love for his friend he does so. As I read this I realized I was getting one more piece of advice. I was being reminded once again that I don’t need to commit myself to a cause or to a process; I owe my allegiance to one person and one person only, the Mother. The rest is just details.

In conclusion I feel it is necessary for me to offer a word of caution to the reader. External signs and happenings are a means though which the divine can communicate with us. I have found however that to rely on them too heavily can lead one astray. I don’t know if Sri Aurobindo would have done so but I consider this type of phenomenon to be within the realm of the intermediate zone. That being the case there is the risk of much misguidance and confusion when one places too much confidence in these things. I know this from personal experience. Thus, I would recommend moderation with such things as the “Mother please give me a sign” method which I employed in this example. It is possible however to receive reliable guidance in this way. Just try to make sure in those moments that you are surrendered and without preference like I was and you will get the guidance you need if you truly need it.

Snowshard that Ape

Recently I was going through my files on my computer and I came across an aborted dream/inner journal from four years ago that I’d forgotten about. It only had a few entries and one of them was this line from the inner voice:

Snowshard that ape

Below the line I had written some comments stating that I thought the line had to do with sexually staring and fantasizing, that this was the ape-like behavior I was exhibiting, and that I needed to stop it. That may very well be true since that was a big problem I was struggling with back then. As Donny pointed out to me however, the ape is more of a general symbol for the animal vital in us and symbols like the dog, pig or goat more commonly represent sex itself specifically. Given this the ape could symbolize any primitive movement such as anger, jealousy, selfishness etc. and not just sex. With this idea in mind of a wide range of movements potentially symbolized by the ape, let’s further analyze the line’s meaning by looking at the words snow and shard.

As far as snow goes, the first thing that word suggests to me is purity, but there’s also the sense of cold or freezing. This gives the idea of stopping the ape-like behavior ‘cold’ and purifying myself of it. The word shard suggests something sharp and dangerous that can cause harm, so here we have the idea of ‘killing’ the ape-like behavior. In addition though I would also point out that when something is shattered it breaks up into shards, and like humpty dumpty can’t be put back together again. From this we can get the idea of ‘shattering’ the movement, weakening it to the extent that it can’t reconstitute itself and become a significant problem again.

So I guess I could sum up the line’s meaning as “Stop that ape in it tracks and shatter that impure movement.” Now one thing I really like about this line is its bluntness, the way it calls a spade a spade. It really helps me see how I’m acting like an ape, so I’ve been making use of the line since rediscovering it. I’ve mainly been using it to remind myself to snowshard the sex movement, but I also used it this morning when some annoyance reared its head. If you’re reading this and think it could help to snowshard the ape in you please feel free to use it.

Sai Mama – A satire

dial M for milk by Genista, on Flickr
dial M for milk (CC BY-SA 2.0) by  Genista 

(Authors note: This story was written a number of years before the death of Sai Baba.  I was also living within walking distance of the ashram of Mātā Amṛtānandamayī Devī at the time of writing.)

When they (men) think of a manifestation of Divinity, they think it must be an extraordinary perfection in doing ordinary human things…or else they think of things which they call superhuman like not eating food or telling cotton futures or sleeping on nails or eating them. All that has nothing to do with manifesting the Divine. 1 – Sri Aurobindo

Despite having only had two hours of sleep, I literally leapt out of bed after receiving my wake-up call. I could hardly contain my excitement, the excitement that had kept me awake all night long. Today at last, at long last I would look upon the face of God Herself. For I was in Puttaparthy and today I would attend the darshan of Her Holiness Sri Sri Satya Sai Mama, the Galactic Avatar and reincarnation of the great Sai Baba.

Quickly I showered and dressed whilst singing hymns of praise to Her Holiness. Then banishing all vanity from my consciousness I examined myself in the mirror. Judging myself fit to be seen by Her Holiness, I then stood before my small altar. I thanked Mama once again for bringing me here on the first of what I hoped would be many pilgrimages to Puttaparthy. I prayed to her for guidance and strength and to help me be ready to receive what I needed during the holy darshan.

Then I was out the door and bounding down the stairs to the lobby. Upon seeing my obvious excitement the receptionist commented, “Your first darshan, eh?”

“Yes,” I ejaculated.

“Then enjoy,” she said, “Sai Mom.”

“Sai Mom,” I replied and I hit the streets of Puttaparthy where I was immediately solicited by the hover-shaw drivers. I politely declined. This was a pilgimage and I was going to go on foot.

My excitement grew and grew the closer I got to the ashram gate till I thought I might burst. Others of the faithful were on their way to the ashram and a few of them upon seeing me smiled kindly and remarked, “First darshan, eh?”

Then the gate was in sight and it was all I could not to dash inside, but I managed to keep a hold of myself. Then as I passed through the gate my eyes beheld a sight that transmuted my excitement into awe: the Samadhi of the great Sai Baba.

Slowly and with slightly faltering steps I approached this most sacred of all shrines. It was just like the pictures I had seen. There sealed inside a sphere of bazooka proof glass was His Holiness wearing his orange robe and seated in his favorite chair. His eyes were closed and his hands were folded on his lap. He appeared to be merely resting with a look of serenity on his holy countenance. It was truly amazing what the surgeons had done with him. You never would have guessed His Holiness had fallen to his death while giving a helicopter darshan. It undoubtedly helped that his fall was broken by two devotees and a toy poodle, but nevertheless it was amazing. On either side of His Holiness were two simple marble crypts which contained the two aforementioned devotees who, while others ran in fear, had adoringly received God as he descended upon them from above. In front of His Holiness was a much smaller crypt which contained the loyal poodle that never left his masters side. All three has been granted sainthood and Sai Mama had revealed that for their devotion they had all been granted instant enlightenment just before they were crushed beneath His Holiness.

Then awe changed into gratitude and tears streamed forth as I fell upon my knees in front of His Holiness. I bowed down before Him, thanking Mama for this grace, this wonderful grace to be here in Puttaparthy! Then I was lost in a wave of adoration chanting the mantras of the great Sai Baba.

After some time, I came back to myself. I rose up and bowed to His Holiness one last time and departed from the Samadhi. I looked at my watch and saw it was 6:30. Darshan was at 7:00 and I wanted to be early so I started making my way towards the temple. When I got about halfway there I spotted a man with a large tank on his back. A number of people were gathered around him and he was dispensing something from the tank into little cups and giving them out to the people. I was a bit confused by the whole thing until I saw the liquid was white. Then it hit me. It was the Holy Milk of Sai Mama!

Like her predecesor, Sai Mama was a worker of miracles. Sai Baba had possessed the ability to manifest solid physical objects at will such as watches, rings etc. His trademark miracle however was the Holy Ash which he produced in copious amounts from his bare hands. Sai Mama never materialized objects as such but her trademark miracle was the limitless supply of Holy Milk that flowed forth from her ample breasts. At night her breasts were connected to hoses and as she reposed in samadhi the Holy Milk would flow continuously into refrigerated tanks below. I deduced that the milk this man was giving out must have come from last nights store.

I was understandably possessed by a strong desire to partake of the Holy Milk but I restrained myself. I could wait until the Darshan. That milk was for those who wouldn’t be in attendance.

So I continued on my way almost giddy now. When I arrived at the temple I showed my token to an attendant who directed me to the left. Then I found myself at the security gate and once I had passed through a metal detector, a frisking, a latex glove cavity search and an ultraviolet decontamination chamber, I was in.

I almost couldn’t believe I was there. There were many people there both foreigners and indians. At the end of the room was the pillared platform with the carved wooden door through which Her Holiness would enter. I was just standing there dumbfounded until an attendant snapped me out of it.

“Sai Mom,” he said, “Please come this way to the foreigner’s section.”

He led me to the front of the temple where the foreigners section was. The hall was divided into four seating areas: one for foreign men, one for foreign women, one for indian men and one for indian women. Since it was my first darshan I was given a front row seat in the foreign men’s section. I sat down and my heart leapt with joy. In mere minutes God herself would walk through that door to give her holy darshan.

Around me others were meditating or chanting softly to themselves. I didn’t know how they could do it. It was all I could do just to sit still. I was constantly looking at the clock as the last few minutes ticked by. At 6:59 a group of young men dressed in orange robes and with shaven heads entered and sat in formation in front of the pillared platform. I immediately recognized them as Sai Mama’s famous eunuch chanting choir. When the clock struck 7:00 they began to chant and just before it reached 7:01 the door swung open and there she was––all 350 glorious pounds of her.

Immediately the temple exploded into a chaotic chorus of Sai Mom’s and other utterances of adoration. Sai Mama kindly waddled forward and raised her arms before the crowd. Now I too found my voice and joined my Sai Mom’s in with the rest. My vision blurred as tears poured down my cheeks and my heart was filled with a love that seemed uncontainable.

With a finger to her lips Mama hushed the crowd. Then, with a speed that would rival Billy the Kid, Mama withdrew one of her gargantuan breasts of bliss. The hall exploded once again in Sai Mom’s as Mama waddled towards the indian men’s section of the temple. There all Sai Moming ceased as the indian men opened their mouths and tilted back their heads eagerly awaiting the Holy Milk.    Mama stopped a few feet in front of them and paused. Then seizing her breast with both hands she squeezed it sending a 50 foot long arching spray of the Holy Milk over the crowd. Slowly she turned her body from one side to the other a couple of times like a sprinkler showering the entire section. Then satisfied she turned and waddled towards the indian women’s section. The indian men, meanwhile, broke forth in praise and Sai Mom’s as they sucked at their wet clothes and licked the floor for every drop they could get of the Holy Milk.

Mama repeated the same process at the indian women’s section and the foreign women’s section. Sai Moming was going on all around me but I remained silent. Never had I felt such awe and reverence as the greatest sacrament the world has ever known was performed before my eyes.

Then, having finished with the foreign women, Sai Mama turned around and began waddling towards us. Once again I found my voice and was crying Sai Mom as she approached. When she halted in front of us I opened my mouth and tilted back my head. I closed my eyes as the first drops fell upon me. Some drops went into my waiting mouth and I sighed with happiness as I tasted the sweetness of it. It was heavenly, rich and creamy with a hint of vanilla. Bubbling with joy I waited for the shower to pass over me again. After a few seconds it came again and went. It came a third time and a fourth time and each time it was sweeter than the last, each time my love and joy reached a greater apex.

Then the heavenly rain ceased and I opened my eyes. Mama placed her breast back within her robe and waddled to the pillared platform. Around me the other foreign men were sucking at their clothes and licking the floor, but I only had eyes for Sai Mama. The man sitting next to me grabbed my scarf and was wringing droplets from it into his mouth, but I hardly noticed. My being had melted into a wave of pure adoration which swelled with every step she took.

When she reached the platform she turned and raised her hands one last time and the temple exploded once again in Sai Mom’s. The eunuchs began to chant once more and with a smile Sai Mama turned and walked out through the great carved door.

As the door swung shut I bowed down to the floor beside myself with joy and gratitude and singing praises for the great Sai Mama. I don’t know how long I lay there lost in devotion, but when I raised my head from the floor almost everyone had gone. As I rose to my feet I realized in the core of my being that I couldn’t live away from this ashram. There I remained for one glorious month after which I returned to Johannesburg and sold my men’s lingerie shop as well as all of my possessions. Then I returned to Puttaparthy and here I remain, fulfilled in felicity only to be near her. Everything I have, everything I am belongs to her now.

Praise and glory be sung for the great Sai Mama. May all beings find refuge at her lotus feet. Sai Mom!

The End

1.  Sri Aurobindo, Letters on Yoga – Sri Aurobindo Birth Centenary Library Vol. 22,  p. 410-411.




By Medhananda – from his book The Way of Horus.  This commentary is on the hieroglyph above.

Let us forget about doomsday and the last judgement.
The weighing described here is going on all the time
in ourselves.
Something in us not only maintains
our chemical and hormonal balance,
but also tries to prevent the heaviness of our heart
from upsetting our delicate psychological equilibrium.

On top of the balance sits THOTH,
the ancestral teacher,
ready to intervene and help us.
The power wearing the wolf mask
is our higher self in its role of evolutionary force,
contributing also to the steadying of the scales.
The neter of truth appears
as the weightless standard for our heart
and as the ‘double truth’
always wearing the feather which emphasizes her lightness,
the ankh symbol of eternal life
and the lotus scepter for rebirth.

The scales represent a psychological exercise
to be practiced at every moment of the day:
weighing our heart against the feather of truth,
calling to the transfiguring power to help us
jettison everything that contributes
to our heaviness,
to let us soar free.

The disciple of truth is light-minded and light-hearted.

Let every day be a psychological levitation,
a pure longing for the heights of our own being,
a new birth into a new weightlessness.


For more on Medhananda please visit

Image source:

The Calling


By Medhananda from his book The Way of Horus

One of the most powerful movements in man
is the will, the aspiration to overcome his limitations.

It appeared in a few carbon rings
as the power to reproduce themselves;
it appeared in a few unicellular beings
as the power to unite,
in a few fish to crawl on land,
in a few proto-hominids
to tame fire and invent instruments,
and in a few men to a walk on the moon.
It is not his cleverness that makes man man,
it is his will to surpass his limitations,
to go higher, wider, deeper than anyone has gone before,
as well in the inner as in the outer world.
Perhaps we should live more often and more consciously
in the company of this evolutionary power
the we experience as aspiration: our KA*.

                 If this neter* calls-
dddddddthe others answer back.

It is invincible, on one condition:
that it is exercised.
There are still amoebas in every drop of water.
But we are the amoeba who exercised.
Will we travel to the stars?

For more on Medhananda please visit

* KA was the Egyptian word for aspiration and neter was the word for a god such as Osiris, Isis, KA etc.  Medhananda considered the gods to be parts of our psychological makeup and not something outside ourselves to be worshipped.

Image taken from…/pathmark/feed-ka.html