For Nithish it has to be longer than five minutes, and no mother present. What’s wrong with this? It gives him room to breathe. He can be himself again. He doesn’t have to obey his parents. He can see me freely and openly and clearly. He can tell me anything he wants. We can be together without any interference from anyone else. We can be our special relationship. I can explain things to him. He can explain things to me. He can tell me what he wants from me, and how he feels about me, and what he expects me to do. We can be together again.
If you are looking for total control, you’re not gonna get it, Sandiya and Sundar. He has needs that you are not meeting. In not letting him see me you’re only meeting your own. Why are your needs so much more important than his? You are offended that I threatened you with this and that. I was genuinely hurt when Sandiya brought a policeman to put me in jail. I have made no case or complaint against you. I have merely tried to see Nithish, because I know he needs me too, and to cut me out of his life like that, because you were angry with me, and allow no contact whatsoever, has brutalized this boy, broken his heart, torn his mind, and made him at times wish he were dead. He cannot tell you these things. There is not that level of trust there. He cannot trust you not to beat him, scold him, or tell him how he should think and feel. You are not on his side. You are on yours.
I am a parent of this child. Reality shows that not some legal piece of paper. You disregard that like it’s nothing. Take the time to view these videos, and tell me I am a bad parent, and I have nothing to give him that is valuable for his future life. I can give him things you cannot. You can give him things that I can’t. Why are you being so selfish about this boy? Why do you want to own him so? Is it a matter of pride? He’s yours and you want him and that’s it? Is it because I’m a foreigner, and we are all devils? Or is it because he loves me so, as much as he loves you, and you just can’t stand that?
What about his needs? That’s what I’m talking about here, and I’m showing you that I meet. I have asked you for time alone with him, so he and I can determine what we want. Are you afraid he will put you in jail? That’s not our intention or our aim. We simply want to be together again, and I’m asking for a first meeting to allow that to happen, slowly, and with everybody’s goodwill, not some final meeting where he’s forced to say goodbye, and you have pumped him with what he should say, and you are there guarding him so he will say it. Are you sure you know right from wrong? You are not being right here.
Let’s talk about the future Nithish. You have broken his heart, crushed the love of one of the most important people in his life, made his mind think badly about me, mean things, and you expect him to be a decent person, a good man? You have killed love, and you have killed his kindness, and you have killed his compassion. What can of man will he become? A mean man.
What kind of boy is he now? Is he disconfigured? How easily does he become aggressive, or angry? Is he often rude? Does he brood a lot? Does he get lost in himself? Where has the Nithish gone, that not so perfect boy before you took him? He was not perfect but he was a good little boy, kindhearted and understanding. Now all the bad elements have taken over in him, have they not?
I know you see a difference. Look at his weight. I’m sorry Sandiya he played outside here too. You can see the videos. He did not just sit around all the time. So where did all that weight go? He’s been very unhappy inside, emotionally upset, sick in his heart and aggravated in his mind, and the control you put on him, to keep him away from me, a boy just putting on his teenage wings, is enough to make any boy mad.
Why are you doing all of this I ask again. Did he do anything wrong? He loves a foreign man and prefers that hand to raise him over yours. That’s his great sin. He needs you he needs me, but he prefers the home that I give him, and I think we’ve hit the soul of your anger. You’re mad at him for that, and you hate me for it. So you punish him and you punish me, with heartache and mental pain. When will it stop?
It doesn’t stop. Time only hides it, and it not only haunts you for the rest of your life, it makes you angry and mean, bitter, distrustful of the world and of human relationship. I am quoting human psychology. You only know your gut-level reaction. Can you grow up a little, Sandiya, Sundar? Can you meet the needs of your child over your own?
Let us have a first meeting, the boy and I, our own private greeting, and then we go from there. It’s the human thing to do. Do I need to ask if you are human? Okay please let us begin, at the Mother’s balcony. Lidya can bring him. We can talk a few minutes in privacy, and I can show him his new YouTube video, and then she can bring him back. Then we go from there, like I said, in heartbeats Nithish.
Pardon the Tamil. I used Google Translate நித்திஷின் கேள்வி
நிதிஷ் சார்பில் இது ஐந்து நிமிடங்களுக்கு மேல் இருக்க வேண்டும், மற்றும் அம்மா இல்லை. இதில் என்ன தவறு? அது அவருக்கு சுவாசிக்க இடமளிக்கிறது. அவர் மீண்டும் தானே ஆக முடியும். அவன் பெற்றோருக்குக் கீழ்ப்படிய வேண்டியதில்லை. அவர் என்னை சுதந்திரமாகவும் வெளிப்படையாகவும் தெளிவாகவும் பார்க்க முடியும். அவர் என்ன வேண்டுமானாலும் என்னிடம் சொல்லலாம். யாருடைய குறுக்கீடும் இல்லாமல் நாம் ஒன்றாக இருக்க முடியும். நாங்கள் எங்கள் சிறப்பு உறவாக இருக்கலாம். நான் அவருக்கு விஷயங்களை விளக்க முடியும். அவர் எனக்கு விஷயங்களை விளக்க முடியும். அவர் என்னைப் பற்றி எப்படி உணருகிறார், நான் என்ன செய்ய வேண்டும் என்று அவர் எதிர்பார்க்கிறார். நாம் மீண்டும் ஒன்றாக இருக்கலாம்.
நீங்கள் முழு கட்டுப்பாட்டையும் தேடுகிறீர்கள் என்றால், நீங்கள் அதைப் பெற மாட்டீர்கள், சந்தியா மற்றும் சுந்தர். நீங்கள் சந்திக்காத தேவைகள் அவருக்கு உள்ளன. என்னை பார்க்க விடாமல் செய்ததில் நீங்கள் உங்கள் சொந்தத்தை மட்டுமே சந்திக்கிறீர்கள். அவரை விட உங்கள் தேவைகள் ஏன் மிகவும் முக்கியமானவை? நான் உன்னை இப்படியும் அதையும் சொல்லி மிரட்டினேன் என்று கோபித்துக் கொண்டாய். சந்தியா என்னை சிறையில் அடைக்க ஒரு போலீஸ்காரரை அழைத்து வந்தபோது நான் உண்மையிலேயே காயப்பட்டேன். நான் உங்கள் மீது எந்த வழக்கும் புகாரும் செய்யவில்லை. நான் நித்திஷைப் பார்க்க முயற்சித்தேன். ஏனென்றால் எனக்கு தெரியும் அவனுக்கும் நான் தேவை அதுபோல அவனுடைய வாழ்க்கையிலிருந்து என்னை நீக்கவும், நீ என் மீது கோபமாக இருந்ததால், மற்றும் எந்த தொடர்பும் வேண்டாம் இந்த சிறுவனை கொடூரமாக கொன்றான் அவரது இதயத்தை உடைத்து, அவன் மனதை கிழித்து, மேலும் சில சமயங்களில் அவர் இறந்துவிட்டதாக ஆசைப்பட வைத்தார். இந்த விஷயங்களை அவர் உங்களிடம் சொல்ல முடியாது. அந்த அளவு நம்பிக்கை அங்கு இல்லை. அவனை அடிக்காதே என்று உன்னை நம்ப முடியாது. அவனை திட்டி, அல்லது அவர் எப்படி நினைக்க வேண்டும் மற்றும் உணர வேண்டும் என்று சொல்லுங்கள். நீங்கள் அவர் பக்கம் இல்லை. நீங்கள் உங்கள் மீது இருக்கிறீர்கள்.
நான் இந்தக் குழந்தையின் பெற்றோர். சில சட்டப்பூர்வ காகிதம் அல்ல என்பதை உண்மை காட்டுகிறது. அது ஒன்றுமில்லை என்பது போல் நீங்கள் புறக்கணிக்கிறீர்கள். இந்த வீடியோக்களை பார்க்க நேரம் ஒதுக்குங்கள், நான் ஒரு மோசமான பெற்றோர் என்று சொல்லுங்கள் மேலும் அவருக்கு கொடுக்க என்னிடம் எதுவும் இல்லை அது அவரது எதிர்கால வாழ்க்கைக்கு மதிப்புமிக்கது. உங்களால் முடியாததை என்னால் அவருக்கு கொடுக்க முடியும். என்னால் முடியாததை நீங்கள் அவருக்குக் கொடுக்கலாம். இந்த பையனிடம் ஏன் இவ்வளவு சுயநலமாக இருக்கிறீர்கள்? நீ ஏன் அவனை இப்படி சொந்தமாக்க விரும்புகிறாய்? பெருமைக்குரிய விஷயமா? அவர் உங்களுடையவர், நீங்கள் அவரை விரும்புகிறீர்களா? நான் வெளிநாட்டவர் என்பதனாலா, நாம் அனைவரும் பிசாசுகளா? அல்லது அவர் என்னை மிகவும் நேசிப்பதாலா? அவர் உன்னை எவ்வளவு நேசிக்கிறார், மற்றும் உங்களால் தாங்க முடியவில்லையா? அவரது தேவைகள் பற்றி என்ன?
அதைத்தான் நான் இங்கே பேசுகிறேன், நான் சந்திப்பதை உங்களுக்குக் காட்டுகிறேன். அவனுடன் தனியாக நேரம் கேட்டேன். அதனால் என்ன வேண்டும் என்பதை அவரும் நானும் தீர்மானிக்க முடியும். அவர் உங்களை சிறையில் அடைத்துவிடுவார் என்று பயப்படுகிறீர்களா? அது எங்கள் நோக்கமோ நோக்கமோ அல்ல. நாங்கள் மீண்டும் ஒன்றாக இருக்க விரும்புகிறோம், மற்றும் நான் முதல் சந்திப்பைக் கேட்கிறேன் அது நடக்க அனுமதிக்க, மெதுவாக, மற்றும் அனைவரின் நல்லெண்ணத்துடன், அவர் விடைபெற வேண்டிய கட்டாயத்தில் இருக்கும் இறுதி சந்திப்பு அல்ல, மேலும் அவர் என்ன சொல்ல வேண்டும் என்று நீங்கள் அவரைத் தூண்டினீர்கள், நீங்கள் அங்கே அவரைக் காத்துக்கொண்டிருக்கிறீர்கள், அதனால் அவர் அதைச் சொல்வார். சரி தவறா என்று உறுதியாக அறிவீர்களா? நீங்கள் இங்கே சரியாக இருக்கவில்லை.
நித்திஷின் எதிர்காலத்தைப் பற்றி பேசலாம். நீங்கள் அவரது இதயத்தை உடைத்துவிட்டீர்கள், அவரது வாழ்க்கையில் மிக முக்கியமான நபர்களில் ஒருவரின் அன்பை நசுக்கினார், அவன் மனதை என்னை பற்றி தவறாக நினைக்க வைத்தது பொருள், அவர் ஒரு ஒழுக்கமான நபராக இருக்க வேண்டும் என்று நீங்கள் எதிர்பார்க்கிறீர்கள், நல்ல மனிதனா? காதலை கொன்றாய், நீங்கள் அவருடைய இரக்கத்தைக் கொன்றுவிட்டீர்கள், நீங்கள் அவருடைய இரக்கத்தைக் கொன்றுவிட்டீர்கள். அவன் என்ன மனிதனாக ஆவான்? ஒரு சராசரி மனிதன்.
இப்போது எப்படிப்பட்ட பையன்? அவர் சிதைந்துவிட்டாரா? அவர் எவ்வளவு எளிதாக ஆக்ரோஷமாக மாறுகிறார் அல்லது கோபமா? அவர் அடிக்கடி முரட்டுத்தனமாக இருக்கிறாரா? அவர் நிறைய அடைகாக்கிறாரா? தனக்குள்ளேயே தொலைந்து விடுகிறாரா? நிதீஷ் எங்கே போனார்? அவ்வளவு சரியான பையன் இல்லை நீங்கள் அவரை அழைத்துச் செல்வதற்கு முன்? அவர் சரியானவர் அல்ல, ஆனால் அவர் ஒரு நல்ல சிறு பையன், அன்பான மற்றும் புரிதல். இப்போது அனைத்து கெட்ட கூறுகளும் அவருக்குள் ஆக்கிரமித்துள்ளன, இல்லையா?
நீங்கள் ஒரு வித்தியாசத்தைப் பார்க்கிறீர்கள் என்று எனக்குத் தெரியும். அவருடைய எடையைப் பாருங்கள். சந்தியா இங்கேயும் வெளியில் விளையாடியதற்கு மன்னிக்கவும். நீங்கள் வீடியோக்களைப் பார்க்கலாம். அவர் எல்லா நேரமும் சும்மா உட்கார்ந்திருக்கவில்லை.
அப்படியானால் அந்த எடை எல்லாம் எங்கே போனது? அவர் உள்ளே மிகவும் மகிழ்ச்சியற்றவராக இருந்தார், உணர்ச்சிவசப்பட்டு, அவரது இதயத்தில் உடம்பு மற்றும் அவரது மனதில் மோசமாகி, நீங்கள் அவர் மீது வைத்திருக்கும் கட்டுப்பாடு, அவனை என்னிடமிருந்து விலக்கி வைக்க, ஒரு சிறுவன் தனது டீனேஜ் இறக்கைகளை அணிந்து கொண்டான், எந்த பையனையும் பைத்தியமாக்க போதும்.
ஏன் இப்படியெல்லாம் செய்கிறீர்கள் மீண்டும் கேட்கிறேன். அவர் ஏதாவது தவறு செய்தாரா? அவர் ஒரு வெளிநாட்டு மனிதனை காதலிக்கிறார் உங்கள் கையை விட அவரை உயர்த்த அந்த கையை விரும்புகிறது. அது அவருடைய பெரிய பாவம். அவனுக்கு நீ வேண்டும் அவனுக்கு நான் வேண்டும் ஆனால் நான் கொடுக்கும் வீட்டை அவர் விரும்புகிறார். உங்கள் கோபத்தின் ஆன்மாவை நாங்கள் தாக்கியுள்ளோம் என்று நினைக்கிறேன். அதற்காக நீங்கள் அவர் மீது கோபமாக இருக்கிறீர்கள், அதற்காக நீங்கள் என்னை வெறுக்கிறீர்கள். எனவே நீங்கள் அவரை தண்டிக்கிறீர்கள், என்னையும் தண்டிக்கிறீர்கள். இதய வலி மற்றும் மன வலியுடன். அது எப்போது நிறுத்தப்படும்?
அது நிற்காது. காலம் அதை மட்டும் மறைக்கிறது அது உங்கள் வாழ்நாள் முழுவதும் உங்களைத் துன்புறுத்துவது மட்டுமல்ல, இது உங்களை கோபமாகவும், அர்த்தமாகவும் ஆக்குகிறது கசப்பான, உலகின் மீது அவநம்பிக்கை மற்றும் மனித உறவு. நான் மனித உளவியலை மேற்கோள் காட்டுகிறேன். உங்கள் குடல் நிலை எதிர்வினை மட்டுமே உங்களுக்குத் தெரியும். கொஞ்சம் வளர முடியுமா, சந்தியா, சுந்தர்? உங்கள் குழந்தையின் தேவைகளைப் பூர்த்தி செய்ய முடியுமா? உங்கள் சொந்த மேல்?
முதல் சந்திப்பை நடத்துவோம், பையனும் நானும், எங்கள் சொந்த தனிப்பட்ட வாழ்த்துக்கள், பின்னர் நாங்கள் அங்கிருந்து செல்கிறோம். இது மனித காரியம். நீங்கள் மனிதரா என்று நான் கேட்க வேண்டுமா? சரி தயவு செய்து ஆரம்பிக்கலாம், அம்மாவின் பால்கனியில். லித்யா அவனை அழைத்து வரலாம். சில நிமிடங்கள் பேசலாம் தனியுரிமையில், அவருடைய புதிய யூடியூப் வீடியோவை என்னால் அவருக்குக் காட்ட முடியும், பின்னர் அவள் அவனை திரும்ப அழைத்து வரலாம். பின்னர் நாங்கள் அங்கிருந்து செல்கிறோம், நான் கூறியது போல, இதயத் துடிப்பில் நித்திஷ்.
In this poem, written from inner spiritual vision, meaning the lines were spoken to him on the inside, one by one, and I recorded them for him on my voice recorder where I record my own muse, Nithish is speaking to his future self, giving himself help about a tragedy that came to pass on March 12th, when he was taken from me. We’re not allowed visits, phone calls, and no one can give him my messages. They took him because they got mad at me. He’s had a negative personality change, and his spiritual vision has been replaced by nightmares.
Like dream, spiritual vision has vision of the future, and this poem will bear that out if you take the time to listen to it. As art and poetry, it will take more than one viewing to understand in its complexity, where, in each frame, there are layers of meaning, what is happening in the video itself, entertaining enough, and the poem superimposed on that, with occasional visions the boy had while the lines were spoken to him being presented in a ticker tape fashion at the bottom of the screen.
It’s actually a miracle and is a real example of soul healing, in this case his soul speaking to him now from the past. The video is now being viewed by the boy and those around him (or will be shortly), including his parents, and the divine muse of poetry, having knowledge of the future, knew when the video would be made and posted, at just the right time in the ‘death’ of the boy to bring him back to life, soul, and God.
“The Samadhi of the Gods is in my heart” means his spirituality is forbidden. His parents scorn his poetry, and he can’t follow the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. “I don’t like biryani I like burger.” He likes things American, which his parents don’t like. “I ask where is my dog,” his Beagle puppy, Grace, who he lost too. He lost all his dogs.
“Look back and you’ll get out” means that if he remembers what it was like living with me, looks back on those times, he’ll get out of school, school here meaning the school he is at home, school being a symbol for a child’s life lessons, whether they take place at home or at the institution of school. The whole poem is so he will remember what he’s forgotten under his parents’ intense psychological manipulation, where he lost himself. In this poem, which he wrote from his past to his future self, he’s trying to get his ‘dead’ self to see he needs to see who he really is.
“Bamboo sticks they use it to beat children in the school / and they use it to make sugar in the factory.” School is a symbol where he learns his lessons in life, both at home and school as an institution, as I’ve explained above. “Well, next time bad spirits of school Nazis,” meaning the extreme control his parents have used in this present situation, not the first abusive situation he’s been in with them, to get him to stop wanting me.
”Why is ice on fire on earth?” Our relationship has been put on ice but is aflame. “Gutter door is open. / Play along for awhile.” He did what his parents wanted and told people what they told him to say, “I’m okay with it,” but they can’t get him to tell me that. “Hold onto them with your breath, / knowers or brewers. / Mr. NoMore is out of town. He’s still holding onto to me, but his parents are telling him I’m a beggar, and I only want him to take care of me in my old age, and of course I’m Mr. NoMore.
The last lines mean that I recorded it all in my own muse and predicts that his story of childhood trauma will make a big difference in the world. The rap at the end, also muse and prevision, is a short synopsis of the bad situation he fell into when his parents took him from me. At that time he was listening to BoyWithUke.
Social consciousness we’re exploring here. This little boy’s showing it to you in the society he has with me. You don’t believe that we we share consciousness with each other. Here’s a poem that will show not only that, but that you can talk to your future self about that society you live in. An 11-yr-old boy wrote this, with an incredibly superior opening of the inner consciousness, magnetic, the very thing that you need to see so we can survive on this planet. In a spiritual emergency, you can write a poem in the inner consciousness to your future self, as this boy has done. He’s important to the world. You can count on one hand the number of kids that can do this in all the world.
Do you want this dead in him? It is right now. His parents have killed it. You’d call me a dirty old man because I want to see him so insistently, but your stereotype is wrong. I opened this boy’s consciousness, and we openly share consciousness together. We can prove this miracle. This is not the only poem of ours that shows it, because in poetry writing, in union with me he does it, and to have been torn asunder like this has caused our very souls to reach out for one another, and what else in him could have written this poem but his soul. Social consciousness, the first example.
Edge of the Game (Written October 2023)
Samadhi of the Gods is in my heart water drops. Like any other kid’s life my life is complicated. I don’t praise my parents I praise the Mother. Hot Wheels on the road, Boss Baby here.
Hah, I’m athlete, don’t fight me. Sticker bushes in the sky, clouds in the ground, study abroad or study up rod, my life is not stolen it’s in the safe. Don’t you laugh at me for a little blah blah.
I’m like a marshmallow. Can I really look handsome? Sinkin’ through space, Gandhi said you are a race. [two above lines heard sung] I don’t like biryani I like burger. I don’t vote Modi but I very much do hear melody. Garage of the forage, call me Mr. Poppins.
(I have a vision of laying wounded in a bedroom in a white bed. The Mother and Sri Aurobindo are near me and start meditating when I wake up, and I start meditating with them. When I start meditating with them, they give me a power stroke to say what’s going on, like by the power, like I know everything. I was told I could talk to them anytime I wanted, but I have to snap into my supermental body because my physical body is here on earth but my supermental body is with them. Then I ask the Mother for a poem to get out of school, and she says the line below) Look back and you’ll get out.
I’m thinking about leaving. The ancient realm is alive. Fate decides you, (vision of General Iroh telling me the above line in a Fire Nation ship in a vision) what kind of man you become. Rebuild the evolving species, hashtag flying away.
Earn money for doomsday, it’s in the eight sector. Betrayal is not good for God. Organize the pieces you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Dive deep under the water without a swimsuit you’ll see the glowin’ star. I see my dogs in the garden with the Mother and Sri Aurobindo.
I’m a part of the lily pond. Everything is reversed here. Pepsi or Coke a Cola I don’t know. Pepsi not for sure. It’s pizza time at the lake.
I shaved air. I’m a hill climber. Peacocks look at me weird. Do they see the shining sun? They have the magical eye. It’s easy for them to see me. I’m in the wild with them. I ask where is my dog. In the jungle I say. Why can’t it be in the plains, can’t it be in the house, can’t it be in the water, can’t it be in the hills, can’t it be in the hill climbers?
Sure do hill climbers climb that mountain. Well, I’ll fly to that mountain. I have the God’s eye. Maybe I can see the angel on top of you, because behind me it’s an organization assembled by the Gods and the God Himself.
School is such a pain in the ass. That’s where I get my boils from. School doesn’t pop it. My house pops it. Bamboo sticks they use it to beat children in the school and they use it to make sugar in the factory. Well you sure are making a way for the demons. Show me the certificate if you’re gonna hit a child. I’m going to God to talk about this. Well, next time bad spirits of school Nazis.
Please don’t hit my kind. You’re all a unified mind. Rhythm is not for music it’s for poets. I sure do use a lot. Why is ice on fire in Earth? It’s sure not like that in the spirit realm. I’ve visited that place.
Walk with honor. The ball’s in your court. Lay down the law. It’s not an opinion. It’s the whole world. Free angels in your mind. I’ve stopped drinking coffee, but I’ve moved on. It’s one or another. Soon he’s gonna get married. Everyone should learn to smile.
Gutter door is open. Play along for awhile. Treat yourself. Spirits go away. Hold onto them with your breath, knowers or brewers. Mr. NoMore is out of town.
Lily ponds are as beautiful as our inner. Record my fame for history. Business talks are not for me. Boy of the Northern Kingdom is about to wake up the whole world.
I fell out of my place for nothing to eat for I hit the ground sooo hard it hurt my life a little too far I cannot take it. I cannot carve through this mountain of lives. I am not so fine. The trauma I experienced in childhood I can blame it all on school, school, school, school, school. school. I am not a rapper. I’m a taper. I tape my life. The wounds can heal. My muscles can grow. My life can be a Christmas gift.
This I put on my Facebook timeline and tagged everyone in his neighborhood that I am friends with, and I also sent it as a WhatsApp message to everyone near him I’m connected to on WhatsApp. There is still little chance he will see it. I am not Tamil, and that makes the decisions around here. His mother tells people they cannot give him message of me, even mention my name to him, and people comply. They are not educated or cultured, are urban village, are the same crowd that watched his mother pour hot wax on him to punish him when he was a toddler. No one corrected her. I saw her light a match, blow it out and burn him with it when he was three. I really got onto to her for that, and speaking to Nithish about it some months back, he told him that wasn’t the half of it, and he told me of the hot wax and how the people on his street just watched his mother do things like that to him and say nothing. So it’s no surprise they say nothing now. It’s just tragic.
For those who have only seen this one post, two months ago tomorrow my little boy, Nithish, 12, was taken from my home by his mother because she had made a sex video of her younger son masturbating, and I did not want Nithish exposed to that. He was there when the video was made, and I wanted to make sure that stopped as far as he was concerned. So I took my advocate to talk to her about the schedule of parenting. At that moment, I had him on the week days, and they the weekends. His mother had informed me some days before that they wanted to change it to he would be with me one day a week. I only mentioned the video in the discussion of our differences in parenting, did not say anything about it at all because she immediately began screaming to get out of her house, out of her family, and that she would take Nithish, which she did about an hour later.
She has not allowed visits, phone calls, or, like I said, anyone to talk to the boy about me. She keeps repeating that she will not allow me to spend one second with Nithish, and here in India, she has that power. Parental rights override the welfare of the child. He has been able to call me in secret to tell me about the abuse he’s received since he was taken and to ask me for help to get him out of there. I have really tried, and today I was finally at court, but only in the parking lot talking to senior advocate who may help. I am a nigger here, and please do not get offended at that word because, although I am not enslaved or beaten, it does describe the level of discrimination I face here in trying to to just talk to my boy. Can you possibly imagine how it feels to not even be able to talk to your child in a photograph, and I was there the night he was born, began parenting him when he was three, have been the main parent since he was seven. The pain of this several previous poems attempt to give some picture of. Imagine how the boy feels. That hurts the most.
This is an audio recording of a telephone conversation between Nithish and I on April 20th, where he’s had to sneak to call me, where discovery is near, and we both are very upset and frustrated. Please pardon us, we are doing the best that we can.
Central to understanding the poem below is not only the above recording, but also a recorded telephone conversation in Tamil between the parents, Nithish, and my oldest (unofficially adopted) son, who’s 30. In the conversation Nithish is made to speak against his will. He’s frightened and not himself. We had gotten a local police station to do a meditation with the mother. She came, and my advocate, my grown son, two cops, and I had a very intense discussion with her, and after we left, she brought Nithish and had him tell the cops that if he saw me on the street he would not speak to me, and that he did not want to visit his former home here at the lake.
They did not speak to him away from his mother as they told us they would do, and we were not told of any other questions that they asked him, as it’s obvious he did not just sit down and tell them that. I’ve discovered that they began by asking him if he loved me, and he said yes, and if he were happy with me, and he said yes, and if I ‘bothered’ him, and he said I did not sexually abuse him, knowing what the cop meant. I cannot tell you how I know he was also asked these things, but I know he was.
Then, in the phone conversation I’m describing, which took place last night at midnight, he was made to say he was happy with his mother and did not ever want to see me again, and that her taking him out late at night to allow him to drive the bike and buy him ice cream the first few nights after he was taking from my house was what he asked her to do, even though she never did this with him before taking him from me, not one single time. Lydia, his auntie, his mother’s sister, had told me she did this immediately after taking him from me, and she asked her sister what she was doing, and the mother replied he felt bad, and she was making him feel better.
The other day, I found out it was because he was crying for me, and I told Lydia this the day before the phone conversation I’m describing. She obviously told Sandiya, and so Sandiya is trying to cover that base too. That his mother is even having him saying this just shows how sick she is being with her son. In all he says on the phone, which is less than a minute in the conversation, it’s obvious he’s being forced to say it and doesn’t want to. Even if you don’t know Tamil, when you hear the kid speak, you know he’s being made to lie. I give you this background so you can understand the poem below and the tragic position the boy is now in.
Douglas, I’m flatten for a reason. I have evidence I need daddy. Something’s wrong with me only he can fix. Please daddy believe me. You’re accused in the yard. Come back to me now in front of your parents or else this may not end well.
Where do we put Lydia? In the phone conversation, and don’t trust Lydia. Bad talking to her. Trust Nithish on the phone. That’s his real voice, when he’s speaking to me in a private conversation, not the prompted speech. Going to the station, did Nithish make a complaint against me? They didn’t explain any class action suit. It doesn’t surprise me. It’s not gonna court. He loves me, and that’s not what they wanna hear.
All this money, who raped him? Who raped him? A voice recording you mentioned in class and the muse in a poem. That’s prompted all this drama. Tell me, what did Nithish say? They’re not stupid. They can get in trouble. They can get in trouble for mentioning things. There’s scared of what he said, Nithish.
When I’m on the phone with him, it wasn’t to take him to a liquor store. He’s giving me plans on how to get him out of there, out from under the control of his parents, who’ve done devious things to him. I tell him my plans, and we renew our bond, so glad to hear each other’s voice. What’s the Mr. Mystery here? That the boy calls me at all. His parents don’t want to believe that, but of course they know it’s true. What does it mean to them? They are forcing him to say things against his will in anything concerning me. He is afraid to tell them his true feelings because he’s terrified at what they might do to him. Can we get an arraignment here?
I was called last night and given a voice recording of Sandiya and Sundar forcing the boy to tell lies that he knows are lies. I’ve been raising him since he was a small boy. Our relationship grew into that, but they made him say they let him live with me solely for the sake of school, that I would facilitate that.
And other thing, my advocate, Douglas, Mithun, Nithish, Sandiya, Sundar, and I, sat down here at the lake and had a talk near on seven months ago. We wanted him here during the week, with his parents on the weekends, and we wanted to home school him. I mentioned to his mother death threats and abuse that had been going on, that she and Sundar had been doing to Nithish. She immediately capitulated and said the schedule would go back to him with me during the week, and with them on the weekends, but not home school him.
On the phone the boy was made to say he spent the weekdays with me solely to help him prepare for his final exams. These people are grasping for straws, change their story every time you turn around. Sandiya was saying, before this, she took Nithish from me because I took him out of school, because I had turned him against school, because I was a bad influence on him in regards to school, and I kept brainwashing him that he had dyslexia. What happened to that story?
Sandiya and Sundar you are a piece of cake. You’re not intelligent enough to muster a good defense for taking Nithish from me. We go back to a child sex video the mother had made of her son Mithrin, three. It was all in fun she said, play, no sexual intentions behind it, although it’s child porn on any scale you look at, explicit child porn. What do you do with that?
In a conversation with the mother and my advocate, I didn’t want the scheduled changed, and Nithish comes to me only one day a week. I do not trust those parents. I do not think they’re good parents, but I was not keeping Nithish from them. I wanted the schedule to remain the way it was. I had him four days. They had him three. I had him on the weekdays. They had him on the weekends. In the conversation I mentioned the video, did not say one word about it except Nithish had given it to me and had told me about his father doing the nature of the video with his little brothers. I wanted to point out that’s bad parenting. I wanted to say I didn’t want Nithish exposed to that, but I did not get the chance to speak. On mentioning the video, and her realizing what I was mentioning, she began screaming “Get out of my house! Get out of my family!” And she would take Nithish from me, which she did at my house on the farm about 45 minutes later. That was the reason she took ‘im. She thinks I was blackmailing her. We have her recorded in phone conversations saying that over and over. Now what do you do with that? You call a spade a spade.
Listen to me Sandiya and Sundar, I’m going to protect that boy. Your lies, your subterfuge, will not get in the way. You are not good to him. You are not good for him. He was publicly humiliated in his chair, and life, the feeling of life, you took from him. He is on the verge of a mental breakdown. You have split him in two. His one person with me and another person with you. You’re too primitive to realize that.
Now here’s the cat in the hat. I’ve been with that boy most of his life, and he has loved me dearly. That’s been public view. Oh amma and appa I never wanna see him again, what does it sound like? Brainwashing. Oh amma and appa of course I want to see him. I just wanna live with you and just see him sometimes, but I have loved this man for so many years. Of course I’d like to see him. Do you see the Hitler here, the Nazi brainwashing technique? Never wanna see me again? That’s not normal, after such a close bond for so many years.
Can I introduce you to parental alienation in this classic brainwashing technique? The parents are just being primitive, cavemanish. They don’t know they fill a type. This is happening all over the globe to children everywhere, parental alienation, Nazi in its underpinnings. Now here you can see it plain as day. What are you gonna do about it? Put a like at my machine? We need some real help. but first we need you to see this little boy’s in big trouble, psychologically, can’t you see?
I love you Nithish. We need to reach peace, and it’s been a long jump away. The message is You have so show your parents you love me and want to see me. There is no other way. The divine will not help until you do. You have to be bigger than your parents. You have to come out of primitive humanity. You are in the world to make a difference in the world, not to enjoy nice food and pleasures, like they’re the reason you live. You’re in a tomb Nithish, and you need to come back from the dead. You need to confront yourself. You need to be Nithish, unified and singular, the boy that you are, not a boy with two personalities you have been in this custody dispute. That’s dangerous.
That’s psychological trauma. I do not want to get you in trouble, but you have to be yourself Nithish, and I give the recording for that. Don’t blind it. It’s a zombie test. Your witness. Admit I mean something to you, and I’m an important person in your life. Stop lying about that because you’re scared of your parents. You are dangerously close to big mental problems. I’m the one who heals you Nithish, but you know that don’t you? And that’s why you’re reachin’ out. Now we can all stand erect when that trauma’s been put out. Do you get me baby dog? That’s the unit no strings attached, a true healing measure. You’ve got your record.
Dreams of a lifetime are not in your corner now Nithish. They have been removed from your seeing by your parents’ insistence on me being taken completely out of your life. I put the video for that reason, for your future Nithish. The advocacy is there. No, no I’m sorry, you asked me to put a man there to help you get out of there. He’s here my baby dog. Let’s listen to him. He’ll be there in a few minutes.
You can see the permission I get. Sandiya, Lydia, what rendezvous point? I have punishment for them. No they will not be beat with a stick. They will hear what they have done to your life. A doctor will tell them. There were three of us together. It’s me, you, and Douglas. Help me. Just a minute I’m pointing my post. I am not some stupid rule book out to get you. How’s he blues it? You may never talk to me again. You may renounce me. You may hate me, but love makes sacrifices, and I’m sacrificing for you Nithish.
You, me, and Douglas were a team. Can we go to America together? You think about that before you hate me forever more. I’m writing your best interests not mine. That’s what parents do. They give their children their life, even if it hurts them, even if they may never see their child again because of it. That’s parental love Nithish, and it’s where I find you in this poem.
You need help Nithish, and I’m showin’ people you need that in a love poem to you. Psychological damage, does anybody deny it? I love you so very much Nithish, even more than seeing you. I am only crying right now. What more can I say? I have hurt myself so much posting this poem. Would you please look my way?
Daddy’s afraid of Nithish. I grew up with this statement. I see the father in him wanting me to be safe at all costs, even where he loses me. Oh daddy I understand. Don’t be afraid. My parents have not killed my love for you, and they never will. I love you daddy. I wanna see you again.
It was a simple record come open when you know your child’s in danger. I’ve stood up for him. I’ve laid down my life. Is that parental love? No one will grant me that because I’m a foreigner and I love boys, what that used to mean before it was tainted. I gather you in the right way. I’m not a fiend, a monster, a smuck. I’m not an abuser of boys. That life has changed.
I love him in the meaning of that word, and there is no difference than the love God has for you and the love I have for this boy. Oh my God, the sacrifice of love.
I’m a helmet for him to protect him from this abuse, this psychological trauma that everyone’s ignoring that’s happening. I give you my all. I show you everything. I do not hold back. Will you please help my boy?
Harm's End 