And Hear It
Voice Record
Central to understanding the poem below is not only the above recording, but also a recorded telephone conversation in Tamil between the parents, Nithish, and my oldest (unofficially adopted) son, who’s 30. In the conversation Nithish is made to speak against his will. He’s frightened and not himself. We had gotten a local police station to do a meditation with the mother. She came, and my advocate, my grown son, two cops, and I had a very intense discussion with her, and after we left, she brought Nithish and had him tell the cops that if he saw me on the street he would not speak to me, and that he did not want to visit his former home here at the lake.
They did not speak to him away from his mother as they told us they would do, and we were not told of any other questions that they asked him, as it’s obvious he did not just sit down and tell them that. I’ve discovered that they began by asking him if he loved me, and he said yes, and if he were happy with me, and he said yes, and if I ‘bothered’ him, and he said I did not sexually abuse him, knowing what the cop meant. I cannot tell you how I know he was also asked these things, but I know he was.
Then, in the phone conversation I’m describing, which took place last night at midnight, he was made to say he was happy with his mother and did not ever want to see me again, and that her taking him out late at night to allow him to drive the bike and buy him ice cream the first few nights after he was taking from my house was what he asked her to do, even though she never did this with him before taking him from me, not one single time. Lydia, his auntie, his mother’s sister, had told me she did this immediately after taking him from me, and she asked her sister what she was doing, and the mother replied he felt bad, and she was making him feel better.
The other day, I found out it was because he was crying for me, and I told Lydia this the day before the phone conversation I’m describing. She obviously told Sandiya, and so Sandiya is trying to cover that base too. That his mother is even having him saying this just shows how sick she is being with her son. In all he says on the phone, which is less than a minute in the conversation, it’s obvious he’s being forced to say it and doesn’t want to. Even if you don’t know Tamil, when you hear the kid speak, you know he’s being made to lie. I give you this background so you can understand the poem below and the tragic position the boy is now in.
Douglas,
I’m flatten for a reason.
I have evidence
I need daddy.
Something’s
wrong with me
only he can fix.
Please daddy believe me.
You’re accused in the yard.
Come back to me now
in front of your parents
or else
this may not end well.
Where do we put Lydia?
In the phone conversation,
and don’t trust Lydia.
Bad talking to her.
Trust Nithish on the phone.
That’s his real voice,
when he’s speaking to me in a private conversation,
not the prompted speech.
Going to the station,
did Nithish make a complaint against me?
They didn’t explain any class action suit.
It doesn’t surprise me.
It’s not gonna court.
He loves me,
and that’s not what they wanna hear.
All this money,
who raped him?
Who raped him?
A voice recording
you mentioned in class
and the muse in a poem.
That’s prompted all this drama.
Tell me,
what did Nithish say?
They’re not stupid.
They can get in trouble.
They can get in trouble for mentioning things.
There’s scared of what he said,
Nithish.
When I’m on the phone with him,
it wasn’t to take him to a liquor store.
He’s giving me plans on how to get him out of there,
out from under the control of his parents,
who’ve done devious things to him.
I tell him my plans,
and we renew our bond,
so glad to hear each other’s voice.
What’s the Mr. Mystery here?
That the boy calls me at all.
His parents don’t want to believe that,
but of course they know it’s true.
What does it mean to them?
They are forcing him to say things against his will
in anything concerning me.
He is afraid to tell them his true feelings
because he’s terrified at what they might do to him.
Can we get an arraignment here?
I was called last night
and given a voice recording
of Sandiya and Sundar
forcing the boy to tell lies
that he knows are lies.
I’ve been raising him since he was a small boy.
Our relationship grew into that,
but they made him say
they let him live with me solely for the sake of school,
that I would facilitate that.
And other thing,
my advocate, Douglas, Mithun, Nithish,
Sandiya, Sundar, and I,
sat down here at the lake and had a talk
near on seven months ago.
We wanted him here
during the week,
with his parents on the weekends,
and we wanted to home school him.
I mentioned to his mother death threats and abuse
that had been going on,
that she and Sundar had been doing
to Nithish.
She immediately capitulated
and said the schedule would go back
to him with me during the week,
and with them on the weekends,
but not home school him.
On the phone the boy was made to say
he spent the weekdays with me
solely to help him prepare for his final exams.
These people are grasping for straws,
change their story every time you turn around.
Sandiya was saying,
before this,
she took Nithish from me because I took him out of school,
because I had turned him against school,
because I was a bad influence on him in regards to school,
and I kept brainwashing him that he had dyslexia.
What happened to that story?
Sandiya and Sundar you are a piece of cake.
You’re not intelligent enough to muster
a good defense for taking Nithish from me.
We go back to a child sex video
the mother had made of her son Mithrin, three.
It was all in fun she said,
play,
no sexual intentions behind it,
although it’s child porn
on any scale you look at,
explicit child porn.
What do you do with that?
In a conversation with the mother
and my advocate,
I didn’t want the scheduled changed,
and Nithish comes to me only one day a week.
I do not trust those parents.
I do not think they’re good parents,
but I was not keeping Nithish from them.
I wanted the schedule to remain the way it was.
I had him four days.
They had him three.
I had him on the weekdays.
They had him on the weekends.
In the conversation I mentioned the video,
did not say one word about it except Nithish had given it to me
and had told me about his father doing
the nature of the video with his little brothers.
I wanted to point out that’s bad parenting.
I wanted to say I didn’t want Nithish exposed to that,
but I did not get the chance to speak.
On mentioning the video,
and her realizing what I was mentioning,
she began screaming
“Get out of my house!
Get out of my family!”
And she would take Nithish from me,
which she did
at my house
on the farm
about 45 minutes later.
That was the reason she took ‘im.
She thinks I was blackmailing her.
We have her recorded in phone conversations
saying that over and over.
Now what do you do with that?
You call a spade a spade.
Listen to me
Sandiya and Sundar,
I’m going to protect that boy.
Your lies, your subterfuge,
will not get in the way.
You are not good to him.
You are not good for him.
He was publicly humiliated
in his chair,
and life,
the feeling of life,
you took from him.
He is on the verge of a mental breakdown.
You have split him in two.
His one person with me
and another person with you.
You’re too primitive to realize that.
Now here’s the cat in the hat.
I’ve been with that boy most of his life,
and he has loved me dearly.
That’s been public view.
Oh amma and appa I never wanna see him again,
what does it sound like?
Brainwashing.
Oh amma and appa of course I want to see him.
I just wanna live with you
and just see him sometimes,
but I have loved this man for so many years.
Of course I’d like to see him.
Do you see the Hitler here,
the Nazi brainwashing technique?
Never wanna see me again?
That’s not normal,
after such a close bond
for so many years.
Can I introduce you to parental alienation
in this classic brainwashing technique?
The parents are just being primitive,
cavemanish.
They don’t know they fill a type.
This is happening all over the globe
to children everywhere,
parental alienation,
Nazi in its underpinnings.
Now here you can see it plain as day.
What are you gonna do about it?
Put a like at my machine?
We need some real help.
but first we need you to see
this little boy’s in big trouble,
psychologically,
can’t you see?
I love you Nithish.
We need to reach peace,
and it’s been a long jump away.
The message is
You have so show your parents you love me
and want to see me.
There is no other way.
The divine will not help until you do.
You have to be bigger than your parents.
You have to come out of primitive humanity.
You are in the world to make a difference in the world,
not to enjoy nice food and pleasures,
like they’re the reason you live.
You’re in a tomb Nithish,
and you need to come back from the dead.
You need to confront yourself.
You need to be Nithish,
unified and singular,
the boy that you are,
not a boy with two personalities
you have been in this custody dispute.
That’s dangerous.
That’s psychological trauma.
I do not want to get you in trouble,
but you have to be yourself Nithish,
and I give the recording for that.
Don’t blind it.
It’s a zombie test.
Your witness.
Admit I mean something to you,
and I’m an important person in your life.
Stop lying about that
because you’re scared of your parents.
You are dangerously close
to big mental problems.
I’m the one who heals you Nithish,
but you know that don’t you?
And that’s why you’re reachin’ out.
Now we can all stand erect
when that trauma’s been put out.
Do you get me baby dog?
That’s the unit
no strings attached,
a true healing measure.
You’ve got your record.
Dreams of a lifetime
are not in your corner now Nithish.
They have been removed from your seeing
by your parents’ insistence on me
being taken completely out of your life.
I put the video for that reason,
for your future Nithish.
The advocacy is there.
No, no I’m sorry,
you asked me to put a man there
to help you get out of there.
He’s here my baby dog.
Let’s listen to him.
He’ll be there in a few minutes.
You can see the permission I get.
Sandiya, Lydia,
what rendezvous point?
I have punishment for them.
No they will not be beat with a stick.
They will hear what they have done to your life.
A doctor will tell them.
There were three of us together.
It’s me, you, and Douglas.
Help me.
Just a minute I’m pointing my post.
I am not some stupid rule book out to get you.
How’s he blues it?
You may never talk to me again.
You may renounce me.
You may hate me,
but love makes sacrifices,
and I’m sacrificing for you Nithish.
You, me, and Douglas were a team.
Can we go to America together?
You think about that
before you hate me forever more.
I’m writing your best interests not mine.
That’s what parents do.
They give their children their life,
even if it hurts them,
even if they may never see their child again because of it.
That’s parental love Nithish,
and it’s where I find you
in this poem.
You need help Nithish,
and I’m showin’ people you need that
in a love poem to you.
Psychological damage,
does anybody deny it?
I love you so very much Nithish,
even more than seeing you.
I am only crying right now.
What more can I say?
I have hurt myself so much posting this poem.
Would you please look my way?
Daddy’s afraid
of Nithish.
I grew up with this statement.
I see the father in him
wanting me to be safe
at all costs,
even where he loses me.
Oh daddy I understand.
Don’t be afraid.
My parents have not killed my love for you,
and they never will.
I love you daddy.
I wanna see you again.
It was a simple record
come open
when you know your child’s in danger.
I’ve stood up for him.
I’ve laid down my life.
Is that parental love?
No one will grant me that because I’m a foreigner and I love boys,
what that used to mean
before it was tainted.
I gather you in the right way.
I’m not a fiend, a monster, a smuck.
I’m not an abuser of boys.
That life has changed.
I love him
in the meaning of that word,
and there is no difference
than the love God has for you
and the love I have for this boy.
Oh my God,
the sacrifice of love.
I’m a helmet for him
to protect him from this abuse,
this psychological trauma
that everyone’s ignoring that’s happening.
I give you my all.
I show you everything.
I do not hold back.
Will you please help my boy?
Harm's End 