Alright he will say a child of his when he was a little boy. Do you know what it’s like bein’ in this meat grinder? You don’t have to wait; okay knock on ‘im. Think we can afford it, moms beating health care?— “I just throw you under the wheels of a truck all laughter and sunny breeze.”
Please will you help me with this: get this mother off my back, a certain father? Crushed the sun. I counted the breeze. What I was comin’ to yah to say: I really bother yah. I’m hell in an envelope that you have to read past poetry to put this on.
Well you’re not goin’. Fine. I get angry. You wanna meet some hoodlums? A gang member, he gets all King Richard, the son of like true to killin’ people like my father did.
I axe grow the taxes. You wanna see me do it? Just ignore this plea. Get too far from the ashram, my hat’s killin’ me. Just close your eyes. Ah, it’s gettin’ the footer at the head of the bed, where I go out and kill someone, a little older. You’re yellin’ at me. Cut through door. You know you need to save me.
I hear it. What did it say? The you that you’re getting put that foot down. His mother’s beating him he’s in harm’s way. The building blocks are there in the pit of a gang he murders people when he’s old enough.
That’s what I’m tellin’ yah. Stop this boy from being abused by his parents. Let’s put ‘im his grandfather heals, or are you just too deaf to see that? Get past the poetry and rescue this child. Get behind the verse.
Do you think that’s the only gang with Nazi on it? The fellowship has turned Indian politics into mud puddles. Trace the politician to the gang. Leave ours out of it; get rid of the truth we hear speaking now.
My God you’re deaf. Oh look there’s the BJP. November I’ll show you I’m talk to you years ago how the BJP came from gang member politics.
He rides books sometimes wide open to the divine say. Oh man I put you there, in a poet’s mouth, on a divine seer’s tongue.
Show his father and his family, WhatsApp, see it work in my phone too. I had the finish line. I’m giving frequencies of his house, yes? And now get to the real thing.
They’re not real. They are not real, understand? Not one person is a gift to society. This entire generation being produced by society, the families of society in India and elsewhere, gives us the skill set to journey on as society; it doesn’t change society.
Take my arm here and understand my meaning. Society must change or die. India has brokered this for generations, a spiritual consciousness, a supernal air, a soul arriving on the scene. It doesn’t get past the starting point. This is not gotten out of the bag. A few individuals pretend. Some have had experiences, but none get to the root of the problem: take a child and receive them at the door, a baby born, and change society with that child.
What would we have to do to engineer this with that child? Can I show you? I gave Nithish the principle changes, not quite at the door, but starting very early, and I could do that because I could give him the attention, and I have seen past society myself, and I operate in that mode.
Listen to Nithish where his dream maker meets the ground, and you will see fantastic. You will see the whole world changed just by this boy’s dream. Watch him have vision you will not believe with your own eyes. The Gods talk to him and soul.
This is what he took, that father. This is what she beats, that mother. His light was snuffed out by beatings and brainwashings, and you worship your family or die, and all this wonderful change we were readying the boy to give you has been ground in the dirt and changed into thoughts of suicide and killing, into about getting revenge for what his parents have done to him.
He seethes inside, and you’d have to find it to hear it. He’s afraid to show anybody his feelings for fear of punishment, because I am the crux of the matter; he wants to return to me, and his parents will not let him call my name. “I will shove that name down your throat if you say it again!” his mother says.
He can’t deal with that anger, and all his wonderful gifts get crushed, and in the place of love there is rage, and in the place of change there is hate, and he is mad at society.
Now you must see this in a simple podcast on dreams. I will show you he had the formula to change the world. I will show you what you’ve never seen before, a sadhana watch as the functioning arm of society not the family (but the family’s still warm and not abandoned), a group of people in a dream circle related by soul change and small enough to function together in daily need. We are that prototype, The Dream Company.
You were crying and trying to hide your tears. Nithish, do not fake it. Only 500 meters to where you’re home again.
You have some tears to show Nithish, your thoughts of suicide, your pain at the world, the unspoken madness.
Let it all come gushing out, safely, wholly, by pounding on your parents’ foreheads let me live with daddy! Now that’s the vehicle in the room. Come on kid let’s go. Now baby dog.
Dominance next undo. They lord it over you.
You want to come to America, and that’s your airport, your insistence on seeing me. That’s your offering. You give it to that boy in you you have not let the world see— I really wanna see daddy I can’t take it.
For about a year and some months, from the beginning of 2022 to October of 2023, Nithish, Mithun, Douglas and I did a post cast on the interpretation of dreams called The Dream Company. The podcast ended in our last recorded episode, Episode 56, recorded on October 1, 2023, which has not been posted yet on our podcast site but which I present here.
Two minutes and 51 seconds into the podcast, Nithish relates a dream and interprets it in regard to his need to live with me here at the lake full time, and we discuss the abuse that was happening to him at that time at the hands of his parents, when we had no idea what would happen in a few months time, that he would be taken from me and suffer much worse abuse, which he predicts in the video-poem Edge of the Game when he says, “Well, next time bad spirits of school Nazis.”
In interpreting his dream we did recognize that it was a prevision of the future, but we just did not imagine that that future was many months away and not days. That future that he predicted in the dream has not happened yet, as he’s not got the power he has in the dream, has not overcome the biggest bully in his school, and his mother has not brought him to the lake and left him here, all of which happen in the dream. We await it to come to pass.
I relate my own dream next in the podcast, but I interpreted it wrongly. My worry over Nithish at that time did not equate being smothered by a python, but now with what his mother has done after she took him from me does. By not allowing us any contact with one another, it’s been like having the life squeezed out of me by a huge snake; the grief has almost killed me. So my dream was a prevision of the future too, but I could not imagine at the time what it really meant until the events the dream foretells came to pass. That the Mother assures me at the end of the dream that I will be rescued gives me the same hope that Nithish’s dream gives me, and that is that he will be back with us soon.
That hope is further broadcast by muse, spiritual vision, giving the name of this video and asking what I’d done with things just the other morning at dawn. I wasn’t thinking about our podcast and hadn’t in some time, and I didn’t remember the content of our last recorded episode, didn’t have the slightest idea what we talked about in it. It just came out of the blue because my muse, which is a divine power, has the power of omniscience, and it knew what we recorded nine months ago and also knew that now was the right moment for the boy to hear what he needs to hear, and for his parents and everyone else involved. With that kind of magic supporting us, we have more than hope; we have faith given to us by the divine. Will the divine lose? Wait and see, but we can also ask if the sun is coming up in the morning. Do you think it won’t?
Is that the dynamic? We choir now. He’s so little he expands your room. Settled in myself to eat, that’s the flavor of sadhana, and we enhance. It’s an inner journey. We go for it. It’s an inner cleaving. We humble ourselves and do it. It rebounds. It grabs yah. It’s an opening you do when you’re hungry. You’re hungry for God’s touch. [“Open to God’s touch” heard during darshan in the Mother’s room, and then the muse changed it as I walked down the stairs so it fit this poem that was coming as I waited for the room darshan and went through the line in and out of her room, the most of this verse, from the eat line, coming in that quiet activity on her death day] This is the lifeline. This is sustenance.
Try to prevent a fracture in sadhana, a more sustained doing might do so. I’m sure I belong there. You’re here. I don’t think we take the vital out of our room. The right vital comes out. The mystic of the flute lives on on ocean’s rainbow. [vision of an Indian-style key, the long variety, on the step of a concrete, light blue flight of stairs about two thirds up] A key, it’s hard to report their bouncing effect. You throw them away. You don’t know how to use them. You pour beer over them, vital indulgences. Now one comes. Open its window. Be there in the sky for it all active on time.
[four visions, two side by side then the other two the same, of strange, colorful scenes I could not make out they happened so fast] We interrupt your dream venture to put you in touch with yourself. You don’t know yourself. I think you use a sadhana watch, and they won’t fool you. They tell it like it is. You’re out to lunch, and that other one’s over there not climbing the street right. You need each other to focus, a small sum of human beings, no more than a handful. You fit. You share similar interests. You live in close proximity. You can’t digital do this as a group come together. Get real with one another, nice and kind and polite, not tryin’ to pass up one another, not tryin’ to be mean.
[vision of Lisa, my deceased Rottweiler, curled up against an urban wall in a dog ball but her head up and looking at me, sadly] Titties suck my dear. You don’t get out of them what you need. They’re not your bread and butter. They test and try you, as humans do. Romantic love is hard to motion here. I think you’re friends, deeply connected, why you come together, how you come together. You’ll recognize this in dreams. You move on one another in the friendship relationship of a dream. You’re bonded. It’s great to be together. This gets deeper. You family one another. Respect this group. Leaving it’s a soul’s choice. It’s not based on petty arguments. You will go to school together learnin’ sadhana.
All your dreams come together in the group. Everyday you share them, work out meaning, time. This grows. You do this all the time. The inner relationship’s happenin’. Now you go together to sadhana central. You want to do sadhana all the time. A minute don’t go by without it. It’s your mainstay. It’s your life’s blood. It’s what’s you’re doin’ in life. You keep at it. You keep goin’.
A small circle/handful of people [words spoken simultaneously] do nothing else. This is the basis of life. It’s everywhere apparent. It’s how you concentrate. It’s there all the time, always concentrating. It gathers you. It puts you in touch with yourself so you see what you’re doin’. No tellin’ where you are with yourself. It could be at the beach. It could be in metallurgy. You could be climbin’ buildins, playin’ in the street or in front of a crowd. You’re always concentratin’ whatever you do. The mind’s the game.
Now what does that what you see in your mind carry, a present moment swirl? You do there concentrate. Where do you put the bubble? On higher than yourself. You’re tryin’ to reach divine. It’s the major of your focus, connection, contact. You know the divine’s right there in front of you. Keep the world relatin’ in that key, and everything you do will be fine. That’s the secret of sadhana.
I’m just ruined today. Nobody knows me under. I deal out cards of bright shiny poems. It’s just a reader’s poem with no readers. Bad material I guess, or awful writing. My room is a way station and a promise. I’ll hit the right note one day. Sadhana science, how do I show this to you? Where do I go to show this to you? It’s a concentration in your head you stay clean for. If I told you about the troubles. I still go to college. I got spirits in my head and they won’t go. [heard sung by The Strumbellas, “Spirits”] You know I’m hearin’ muse. This is a dictated poem. You’re all fired up.
Wanna say somethin’. It’s about the city of concentration. I think I’m learnin’ to keep the mind quiet not on external things, and that time is optimized for sadhana. These are the thoughts think about, and you go from there, put your own larger list together. What is infinity? What’s the nature of the universe? Does God care? What will lift my room? Do I get larger than time? Can I feel the feelings of another through brands of consciousness? What is the thought that stops thought? Am I showin’ you how to think? You’re up there where thought meets the sky, your husband. Do you hear that? We treasure this present moment our thought taking us skyward, and we are passive to that reach. You put the perspective on that. To those lonesome memories, you’re naked to the eternal now. Feel them that way.
Now we’ll repellant. Thought gets in the way. It’s not what you wanna do all the time. You want to be clear certain purpose. That’s a way of hold your mind no words or images. Smoking the cigarette of thought, chewing it out like a stick of gum, these are brands you wear. They spend and they disease. You don’t have to think. I’m learnin’ not to. It’s so much clearer in there. When I go to sleep I’m not a crybaby. Monster in those movies.
I handle sleep. I’m waking up on the hub of dreams. I try to retrieve them, or I’m writing a poem, and it continues. I spend my nights this way, in a wakeup mode going back to sleep. I get about six hours all told, seven on this night and that. My wakeup periods are long. Like I say I’m writing muse as the night bells ring, or I’m layin’ there where quiet meets my mind, pullin’ on the length of dream. That’s a sadhana sleep. It gets you in touch with the day. That’s been the content of the night, if you know how to read your dreams. Turn around and face tomorrow your dreams carry you too, and they show you yesterday to know what’s goin’ on. There’s just so much to dream, but it arms you for the day.
And now you’re ready to step out into the world a sadhana-go-round. Keep it simple, keep it clean, your honeydew in the world. Behaviors lead to sadhana, or they refuse it. You’re a sadhana keeper. Always remember that. It won’t go away. Like it can never reject you. I don’t care how reprobate you are, sadhana’s there for you. It will carry you through the storm. It will clean out your act. You’ll get better because of it. Just keep goin’. Let it fill your room. Don’t shy away from it because you think it’s judging you. It is always there to pick up. It understands your needs and will help you fill them properly. It’s the intention that counts, the attitude. Keeping your mind quiet on the divine, that’s your smelling salts. It’s how you save your life.
If you’re an ordinary sucker, you’ll have a harder time. You gotta get naked. You gotta take off all those clothes, get down to your primal need to fill your life with God. One episode of you are so filled, just one time and take this book with you for the rest of your life, and you will do sadhana, can’t help but to; it’s in your nature now.
Everybody wants to know the nature of progress. You love people, identify with everything. You’re not a grouch or a scrooge. You’re good to be with, not demanding or mean. You listen to people. It’s not all about you. I don’t think you make people feel uncomfortable, but you do challenge them by the obvious depth you live. You call to people, not with your eyes your shoes. That means you don’t mess with them. You tend to prefer quiet comin’ to the head, not hours and hours of music or all this environmental stimuli. You like nature, raw and clean. Walks accompany your day, walks through nature where you can find it. An animal can climb aboard. You’re a big bucket of love that knows how to pour itself.
This is what we know of love: rape and murder, and love’s right there with yah. No one took the sign off you need to be loved. All this spiritual growth sees that. You love everybody you come into contact with. You know what you love them for: love heals things, makes people better. I don’t think you can fake this very much. Spend some time with someone and see. Alright spiritual advanced person, let me count your love, not anything else. I wanna see yah love. I think the whole point of our spiritual shoes, we get to know love. A great big sadhana bring that out.
I’m a terrible husband— this is the spiritual call. I think sometimes it walks on your soul. I don’t know how to explain this to you. You’d think all would be right with the world. You’re torn asunder. You’re made to do things you don’t like. They gravity of the situation just eats you alive. You obey the call, like I’m doin’ now. You picked the wrong time to blast a hole in my shoes. I’m a servitor of divine will. I’m servin’ everybody not sinnin’, and here I am expose myself to your wrath. You’re not a noble person. I’ve seen what you do to people. You don’t love them atall. So my head’s on the chopping block the reality poem, and here I am giving you my bread for the umpteenth time. You’d think I’d had enough by now. Anyway here it is, a poem where you can do yourself and make the world ring, even if no one hears it, and they just think the worst of you.
They’re not snow that’s obvious. He seems to have a sadhana that doesn’t get any kickback in return. He doesn’t get validated except by his team. He is treated like everybody’s pariah. His sadhana circle listens to him, and others are few and far between. He’s a real human being. He got okay on the wheels/wings of his sadhana. [words spoken simultaneously] You have it now. Reader this is not brag or boast about. This is the path to divine consciousness and younger, and you’re gonna need a little younger. Open it.
A lot depends on the soul change. When you’re young, and you soul mother in hospital, we’re goin’ in some shockin’ of yours. Well he quoted us all trying to see her. You look like you losing what did you lose? The ability to stay awake in dream. You can’t do that, let’s tend silly here. It’s not your job to fight the Minotaur. That your job, trigger lucidity captain this ship. God dog does that look handsome! Some fancy’s got you hooked. You’re standing on the ability to move on dreams. Just get out of here. Take your consciousness and try it out. You can go up and in from there, up to the higher consciousness, in to the soul. Try it out. See how far you get. Obstacles determine pathway, and you see what’s limiting you. You really can get there from here.
Dream is a doorway where you get started to open the inner consciousness, and there your sadhana rides in its most visible form. You need this to survive. Burn out early if this is just all in your head. The inner consciousness will take you there to all the meanings you have missed, to your direction of travel, and you’ll see the divines involved with you and get into soul things. It’s your guidebook. It’s your lamp. Your teachers talk to you through there. It’s a daily dose of miracle, and it moves your sadhana along a fresh start everyday. This is the major element most sadhanas miss, and we’re callin’ on yours in league with the world. I’m sure you got questions. Begin.
Alright Donny there’s a truth to tell. You’re bein’ spying on inside. The thoughts get yah. Oh she’s memorable wearin’ them thoughts. All these thoughts on God culminate in that one. When the bough breaks, [heard sung, nursery rhyme] and you enter Silent Mind. These are the memories to feel now, the character of enlightenment, regardless of your pain inside, of the happenstance of chance, the resistance futile. Go for it baby.
Keep the light goin’. Don’t go to sleep. Don’t her give up on that sadhana. You have a world to change. Say the same here. We’ve got our heads out for miracles. That’s a world line. Can you show this to us sweetheart? I’ll be back in about five minutes.
I’ve got tools for you. I’m gonna use them first, grow up Nithish. It’s the army in the game, and I’m a former Green Beret sergeant to show them to yah. Not so hard on the kid, but he’s gonna lesson. There’s just too much soft flesh there video game mode. Cheerio.
This blog is not just to put my stuff on. My blog is clear your highway. Stop defending yourself. What? Skin spots are really easy to spot. You have to come over here so I can help you. One by one they ran away from my house. Can’t figure out. I had given you really good soul stuff. Her whole house was zoom zoom zoom, and you’ve got a literature there tomorrow to bring to temple. Come in.
This post is going to show a type of dream that Donny, Mithun and I have worked with a lot, and that’s a very common class of dreams that show things that are going to happen the next day or the next couple of days or even what happened yesterday. And while I’ve had dreams that show actual physical outer events symbolically, the type of dream I’m going to share here shows what’s going to transpire within us psychologically, how we’re going to react to things that are going to happen in the outer world. The dream I’m going to share today also shows, in my opinion, a psychological movement in someone else.
I should point out that this particular dream is related to sex and sexual desire, which in the yoga that I follow is something to be overcome, along with a lot of other things that come from the animal part of our nature, such as anger and fear. So my dream treats it as something dangerous even though it’s something quite natural, and for most people overcoming sex isn’t something required of them. Regardless the dream is quite clear, and thus a good example of the way dreams do things. So I would encourage everyone to keep reading, especially if you’re someone who has a sexual deviation that makes your life miserable or even hurts others, because then you’ve got a good reason to get sex under control.
This dream, which I call ‘The Queen Dream’, forecasted an uprising of sexual desire that occurred in me later that same day. The dream also gave a warning, and I’ll relate the consequences that uprising of desire had on my state of consciousness.
When the dream began, I was in State College Pennsylvania, where I went to college at Penn State. I was somewhere that was sort of like a commune in the middle of the city. The focus of the place seemed to be gardening, as there were lots of potted plants around. A number of people were living and working there. I can’t remember if I was staying there or just visiting.
There was also a group of pretty, young, dark-skinned women there, wearing long dresses of different bright single colors. One of them was the queen, and it was forbidden that any man should touch her, though it was understood that once she got married her husband would have that privilege. The punishment for any man that touched her was death. She was allowed to touch men though, because at one point I was close to her, and she affectionately reached out and touched my stomach, but there was nothing overtly sexual or flirtatious about it. It was clear though that she was fond of me. Afterwards I asked a guy standing next to me, “If I just bumped into her by mistake, would I be killed?” He said, “Yes.”
So that’s the dream. Now what’s important to mention is, while I can feel attracted to all types of women, the kind of woman that gets my blood burning the most is a dark skinned woman like the queen. It’s the queen of my desire you might say. When Donny and I discussed the dream we both agreed the queen represented my vital/sexual attraction to this kind of woman. That touching the queen in the dream, means death shows it isn’t good for me sadhana-wise in the way that dreams tend to exaggerate things. The fact that there were potted plants around where the dream took place indicates the vital since plant life such as forests, etc. often indicates the vital part of the being, as does the color green. In addition, the fact that the larger setting of the dream was State College, Pennsylvania also brings lower vital indulgence to mind since it’s a renowned college party town. However, Donny also suggested that the setting was a college town since I’m dealing with sex on the ‘college level’, in other words, a more advanced level than say would be represented by high school or grade school. Regardless, we see that everything here points toward the vital, a vital atmosphere or a vital movement. So keeping in mind that dreams often show symbolically how we’re going to react psychologically to something the day after the dream (or how we reacted the day before), let me tell you what happened in the outer world that sparked my desire that day.
The evening after the dream, Midhun came into my room talking on his phone with a girl, and I wondered if it was his sister Priyanka, who’s a pretty young Indian woman I find attractive, though I’ve only met her once in person, since she lives three hours away. Under the influence of what I call ‘color’, I said loudly enough that she could hear, “Hi Priyanka!” Now what I mean when I say ‘color’ could be described as a mild form of sexual attraction, which makes us want to interact with, in whatever way we can, the someone we have color for. Color also makes it easier to be more kind, patient, helpful or understanding with people who fall within the range of our attraction. So I had said hi to Priyanka just to have the thrill of a little contact with her, but then Midhun handed me the phone so I could actually talk to her. So I said hello to her again, and she said hello back in a friendly way. She’s actually quite happy with me because I helped her and Midhun put together a video of her singing a song for her boyfriend as a birthday gift. I should mention she has a very sweet singing voice, which is another thing I find alluring about her. Anyway her English isn’t very good, so I just wished her a nice evening and that was it. Midhun left the room, and then I suddenly felt a rise of desire for Priyanka enter me like a breath, and the urge to fantasize about her was strong. I remembered the queen dream though and could see the connection. That is, the queen in my dream represented my attraction to this type of woman and this current state of arousal that was bad for my sadhana. That made it easier to stand back from the desire and let it settle down.
Now hopefully I have explained things clearly enough that the reader can see the connection between the queen in my dream, the symbol of my desire for dark skinned women, and the state of desire that was sparked by my interaction with Priyanka. I think it’s important to note that this dream was at the end of a long sequence of lucidity where I was going in and out of different dreams, and having varying levels of lucidity. This I believe is why the dream is so simple and clear. It was a purer dream or a deeper level of dreaming that doesn’t have as much weirdness or bizarreness as a lot of dreams do, even if they’re meaningful dreams. This dream was straightforward and to the point.
If you remember, at the beginning I said I felt the dream also showed what was going on psychologically in someone else. This has to do with the action of the queen in the dream, who touched my stomach and not my penis, and she did it in a fond and affectionate, but not overtly sexual way. And this is how Priyanka actually responded to me in our interaction because as I said, she is grateful for the help I gave her. She has a vital friendliness towards me like the queen did in the dream.
Now of course I didn’t literally die from all this, but it did have an effect on my consciousness. At the time of the dream I was getting a little bit of steam going sadhana-wise, and I had actually been lucid in another dream a few days before that. In addition, I was somewhat detached overall and able to keep from giving sanction to reactions that were rising up the way they do in life in response to this or that. I was also having periods of time where I was more conscious than normal of the constant stress, dissatisfaction, unease and grumpiness that is my vital’s default state. Hand and hand with this there was the recognition that things don’t have to be this way, that these moods are just habits of the vital, and it really is possible to be content and carefree instead. I know you might be sitting there saying, so what? But there was a knowing quality to it that isn’t there now when I think these same thoughts. I was really aware of the truth of this in a way that was subtle, but yet more substantial than just a thought in the head. All this up-buoyancy ended after the sexual uprising, which opened the door to other lower movements getting in. My little bit of detachment was replaced by a state of perpetual irritation with virtually everything and everyone that lasted for weeks and was frustrating because, try as I might, I couldn’t get a handle on it. It was an unpleasant drop in consciousness and the ‘death’ you could say of a more positive state.
But perhaps this was a drop that was avoidable. As I said at the beginning, this dream was a warning, or could have been, if I had taken it in the right way. It was showing me that something was going to happen soon regarding my sexual desire. The problem is, I wasn’t vigilant, and the dream went out of my mind after Donny and I discussed it in the morning. If I had used the dream as a tool to keep on the outlook for something, I may very well have caught myself before I blurted out, “Hi Priyanka!” with so much color. Regardless, the remembrance of the dream, after the desire had gotten in, did aid me to let it go faster than I might have otherwise. So it still helped. I want to mention that I also find it interesting that I didn’t actually touch the queen in my dream. This further makes me wonder if this little misstep was avoidable.
Now, in contrast to all this, something else very interesting happened that same day. Earlier in the day, before the phone call, Midhun was resting and had a very vivid vision of Priyanka, who reached out and touched his heart. He said he could feel her sweetness and her love for him, and that he was very happy to see her, actually felt like he was in her presence. In the vision he smiled, and when he came out of the vision that same smile was on his face. Now something like this represents, in my opinion, an actual contact with someone. Perhaps it was just him receiving a strong formation of love from his sister Priyanka, generated, no doubt, while she was thinking about him. Or perhaps it was her inner being, which came and paid Midhun a visit. Priyanka adores her little brother and makes lots of sacrifices for him and his musical endeavors, buying him first a keyboard and then a laptop, which is a lot of money for the salary she earns here in India, even though she has a college degree. Now, I think it’s fair to assume my dream and Midhun’s vision we’re related somehow, but what exactly that relation is, I can’t really say.
Now in closing, I’d like to come back to the subject of ‘color’, this low level action of sexual attraction that influences most, if not all of us. It’s something we’re all familiar with, though most of us probably don’t give it much thought it’s so natural. It brings to mind the image of the high school nerd following the gorgeous cheerleader around like a lost puppy dog carrying her books for her, even though he has no chance with her at all. So with this in mind I’d like to invite the listener to take a closer look at color in themselves and color in the world outside and see what a large part it has in making the world go round. If you look deeply enough and attentively enough, you might find yourself shocked at how pervasive it is, and how it’s showing itself in places that your unsuspecting mind would never have thought to find it. I will say though that while color is an insincerity, a form pf preference, there’s something true about it at the same time. At its fount and origin, it’s still love, despite what happens to it when it manifests on the surface of ourselves, that is, in waking life and in normal human consciousness. Anyway, nuff said!
The dream team (our dream group), from left to right, Mithun, Donny, Douglas, in the middle Nitish
Mouth neighbor, tell all the things of time to repeat of course. You always vanished a floating cock-a-doodle-do. The whole second explodes. Are you looking for a huge mistake? I would not be your handyman. Come on people now take the city out of your dish. We’re all on Candid Camera. We’re all Facebook, it’s regulatory commission. If you could find the butter, we can’t be out of the pressure cooker. The only thing we can do is smarten up. That fish with horns looks like something. Very little. We’re not about to seize our kingdom. We’re all concerned with our image. One at a time please. Oh poor Luna, belong to something now, oh boy shark’s tooth. How can one little thing make such bones? It looks like fried eggs. You love to live with ‘em at your table don’t yah? What’s that the metaverse? It’s an experiment: how do your worship it and change at the same time? Through time you can’t. The Dream Company changes us ever so slightly, manufacture’s august change in every so slightly increments. It’s a woodshop, shovel that incompletes the truth. It’s all around us you see. Can’t you see. Can I get a juice, a thousand dollar subway ticket? You can step on landmines if you’re not careful. You can get a bulldozer and damage your lawn. You can sure get tired of dreams. That snake with horns looks like something. Feel the order of the universe. Don’t just jump outta trees. What do you mean don’t podcast? Didn’t we have a burger earlier? Bear with me here I’m late. How do I show you podcast in the nature of your dreams. They’re our dreams instead. A horn’s on ‘em. They tell us how to interpret our dreams. Look mom I’m risin’ sun. And we’re busy writing them down. You can’t get that from here, spirituality. We transpose dreams on a record for you. An interpretation model we give. What happened? I don’t know a rock just hit me. You’re talkin’ at the border of come physical change. I can’t show it to you. I think that’s enough to tell us we’re in cahoots with you to dream show host. That’s our motion started. A lightning bolt, you can figure this out while you make up your mind to join the lab. I’m happy to. We are glad to hear that. See you soon.
We had to take down our podcast because we had to leave India and go back to America, and we had to choose what we could afford to continue to pay and what not. This blog and website we continue, but we can’t afford the podcast. We have 56 episodes in total, and one day we will host them somewhere again, YouTube perhaps, because it’s free.
A revolution is coming, and it has nothing to do with technology, politics, or economics, although undoubtedly those things will be affected by it, profoundly, inevitably. It’s an inner revolution, and it is that, the inside of us, we need to change to change the world. No outer revolution, of any kind, changes the fundamental ground of us. And because it’s a revolution of the fundamentals of us, it’s going to take a lot longer than, say, the revolution in communication and information brought about by the technology of the computer and Internet, centuries I’d imagine to get to the definitive stage. Though it’s hardly noticeable now, we’re in the very beginning of the revolution, have entered the first stage, as evidenced by all the interest and public discussion of its entrance subject. The stage will get more pronounced as it advances. In this first stage we really get into our dreams, remember them, record them, play with them, and finally, learn how to interpret them.
That will lead naturally to an astonishing discovery, and that will begin the second stage of the revolution, which is the personal application of the discovery that our dreams are a map of the yesterday, today, and tomorrow of our lives. The intelligence will just blow us away. Once we see many of our dreams describe what will happen the next day, showing us the inner view of the outer occurrence, with particular emphasis on our inner state, what makes it so hard to interpret prevision dreams, we will put matter aside as the organizing principle of reality, and science will have a lot of explaining to do. I mean, what who in us or about us can see this, not only the future, but the direction travel of our lives, what obstacles get in the way, and the best direction to get around or through them? Kind of makes you put media down, of any type, as the principle direction giver, you know?
The third stage of the revolution will reorganize, from the ground up, our social reality. Were you in my dream last night? No, but I messaged you. That’s your family and friends saying that, the plants and pets in your house, your enemies, memes floating in human mind, your whole darn world just to put it nicely, but, and you must pardon me, I’d have to include E.T.s from the cosmos at large, the good, the bad, and the ugly. We will begin to get a picture of our shared field of consciousness, what we haven’t been able to see so wake-centric we’ve been, and pointing fingers and individual islands, not to mention tick-tock the game is locked told to social outcasts, will just melt, and we’ll have to put new meanings in the social field, shared meaning primarily.
Those meanings will have a lot to do with growing suspicions. Do we also share identity? Does human life have an actual purpose other than just to live long and prosper? Is ego identity the final say in human identity? Is a change in consciousness necessary to fulfill human purpose? Are beings not clothed in matter messing with us, helping us? Below the hidden lie the original questions. So we have a soul? Is there a God, and if that answer is plural, what the heck dude? And if that answer’s also singular, is that all the way to the nameless One? How deep does this rabbit hole go? Are we unconscious actors for a larger beyond? It’s in this fourth and final stage of the revolution, answering those questions, we put on our soul and spiritual wings, and that’s when humanity, as a whole, takes off and flies. Now, individuals can.
Start with your dreams and go from there, unless there is already happening. Then just keep going. If you start to become lucid in dream and/or have out of body experiences, try to see how deep, wide, and high you go inside. Try to leave the dream field and go beyond. You can also start with meditation, if you can get into conscious trance to explore, which is not to find more land inner or otherwise but deeper and higher fields of consciousness. The links I’m leaving show the journey I’ve taken.
The Evidence of Man Lucid dreaming, near death experience, and inner body time travel.
Introduction to Soul Power The soul and reincarnation, who I was in recent history, not anyone you ever heard of.
Help You From the Rear View Mirror Silent Mind, the experience of emptiness characteristic of it, and overhead experience, including supramental, all looked at in a review of the movie Who’s Driving the Dreambus?, which sees existence as oneness but meaningless. Go figure. And I do.
I’m Not Picking Up Stump Posts An example of our shared field of consciousness manifesting in dream, using a personal dream that shows the inner reality of a Facebook post and its viewing by other people.
Under the Graffiti Learning to extend déjà vu so to see the immediate future. Scroll down the page to the story entitled: “Under the Graffiti” and then see past the vulgarity, if you’ll excuse me please.
An Order of Chakra Shakes Discovering my 7 chakras on the Continental Divide in the mountains of Colorado, a don’t try this at home folks story.
Winged Information, A Peer into the Mountaintop Silent Mind, the kosher and abbreviated telling, and too much talk about the spiritual path. It was a published shot, and I just fumbled it.
[Although formatted to fit your screen, the poem was originally written in 2014. It’s in the form of a dialogue with multiple speakers: the poet, his divine, various people in the audience, including children, and even a hostile being. Paying attention to punctuation and listening to the poem read, the voices dramatized, play key roles in interpreting it.]
Mark my words,
a behavioral challenge
amplification wrong.
We poetry in our notebook
understand the behavior.
Get all listened out.
I do believe you’re excited about this.
There’s no place in our notebook
to gather wrong afield
so that we can see it better
and amplify its heal.
Are you with me Houston?
Ground Control to Major Tom,
put your seat belts on.
We have a reason.
Wrong could come break the relationship.
Finish thought:
you need control.
Wrong’s measuring basket:
to drink or drink more?
It’s a field show.
It’s a lessons study.
No ‘what daddy’
my son’s been imaged right.
Your measuring stick,
your wrong.
Do the exercises,
as long as you take the right one
above the window:
good history.
Did you see this?
That’s your heart song.
What happened?
Said to me.
I don’t want him going in there.
I act, we put there.
This is the first page:
yes you can sleep in your daddy’s room.
Sometimes we fail to see a better arrangement.
Sometimes we fail to see the solution at all.
Can get serious:
family court.
May we have your attention?
Please hold onto the exits.
A blue door
a thousand rupees,
that’s a spiritual way out.
Daddy I want to kiss you.
He’s green labeled that.
Whatta we do?
A different time,
a different thing.
Important that you don’t involve matter.
No swimming on the ground.
All need will read
God’s book.
What we’ve got here is a behavioral animal.
It has sharp teeth.
Stay in front.
If he pulls his gun out,
leave it blank.
I’m sorry I’m dividing.
We’ve got to arrange things
so that the muscle
get anybody complicated,
change house.
This is clear music.
You’ll sleep together in peace.
Watch those corner edges.
They rub a body mean.
I’m a happy song
you sing to your children
when she’s not in the house,
a line Molly.
Why did Molly come?
I’ve seen only skin much,okay?
Place the truth in your hands.
You know it won’t control them.
And it’s just like it was now,
trying to figure what was going on.
I’m just telling you something before you react:
I’m bringing you change.
That’s the technique.
The rude imperious surge,
that didn’t get you.
Do you want promise?
The Dallas runway.
You see some good
in this arrangement.
Don’t blow me away.
Keep the tickling hand free of charge
and the alphabet.
Study it please.
Doing things together
don’t let paper weigh you down.
What you want is a free, easy, spontaneous
gift hand.
You take this
you show it to them.
Must be nice to not have any fetters.
Just remember why you’re here.
It’s not to aggrandize the show.
A growth going on,
and the body carries its charge.
Sleeping arrangements made easy,
I go to sleep.
What Tamil movie?
We image sleep,
make it our breakfast song.
It’s the dream image that we care for.
That is molding the show.
You don’t know how sensitive the hand is
in the area of dream.
It is like another house,
another house owner.
It can fasten itself
to the waking movement,
and wrong behavior,
convinced of itself,
plays the hand.
But not when it comes
awake.
That’s the prime time TV.
Your hand has license there.
It meets them in dream.
They seem arranged for the movement,
probably asleep.
You have to go to clean.
You can’t.
A deaf movement.
Which one is that?
The life hand
has no will in it
to move.
Your head
and all its arrangement
is sleeping in the bed.
What you do?
There’s a program to put on.
It’s called make the body safe.
Call on divinity to help you,
some divine name.
Open to them,
and close the hand.
Hercules had no stronger task.
You see,
we can mess up;
we can come abuse
so early.
There is a physical culture.
The body has its own field.
Your body
wrapped around another body
ignites imagery in sleep.
I dreamed that I was in here by him,
next to him in bed.
Doubled doors are open.
Hot red hold me wrong.
Hot red you see,
hot red.
Hidden desire
can play.
These are occurrences in sleep
that hold us down in life.
They can arrange things,
pass this on to another child.
The waking world is full of such traps.
And we don’t even remember our dream,
even though our lightened load
is acting its ground.
This is a double pleasure.
Our child wakes up from his sleep
and waits for a buddy to fulfill it.
Physical culture I’m mad at you.
Though you are mad at me,
you like it
in the dream.
It’s a body arrangement.
What will put peace here is your spiritual test.
Who do you sleep with at night?
Your own dream?
Who it is you are open to
will single out your sleep,
open in the sense
that’s where you move.
You see my connection.
It’s a high note.
A practice song this is.
A night is drama to cross.
Put a pillow under it.
Only names
are personal enough
to put it together.
The name should rhyme with God.
There was something else.
The child in bed with you
isn’t even there.
They represent God’s feelings,
an image in the night
made in both areas:
I have walk in
and close the door.
We move to God’s nature
the sleeping child.
Have you fastened everything?
I can arrange it some.
You didn’t contact me,
subscriber.
A pulled image,
give me a dime to see.
We keep our images and our heads together
or they lose reality.
Bases cover this program,
the high note
we put our money on.
Yeah you hear:
hold your child a little.
Keeps safe with him.
We do not encourage sleeping with children.
No,
it’s just not a big deal.
You wouldn’t be able to
hand out body bags.
You’re not gonna get clearer than that for fifteen minutes,
the poetry of another song
even closer.
I sound your sleep.
Hear a whistle?
You’re an area dude.
You carry your first one folks.
Please dog go.
I gave you one rupee.
He’ll have a warm spot in his freezer.
He’ll want to put something there.
It feels warm to him,
and that’s all that’s interesting.
It’s nine or something no?
I don’t want your answer.
Tell me.
He can’t ride you like that
if you’re going to heal his movie.
He has grass ready.
You just need to cut on it.
We feel good.
That’s the problem.
His sleep knows this distance.
He’s practicing in dream.
You have to arrange it to watch his tower.
You hold the boy with your sleeping arm.
This is a measure of sleep.
No leave the stuff there.
All that we need is what you’re bringing to school on Monday,
okay?
Hey Donny,
his sleep you can’t ride,
but I can.
Go on, get some paperwork.
If you can just move for a minute,
that penis clouded,
you hit the note
that images safety.
You felt a strong glow,
Him.
The divine
had muscle.
He’s favored in sleep.
The urge is there,
but nobody eats.
You’re walking him out of this program:
exclamation point
in his area down there.
Though I’m sure it won’t be understood,
he gets dressed every day.
You must learn to read the music,
siren songs,
then move accordingly.
This is your fifth gear.
Man, speed up.
Do you know what ten miles serve?
Hey man I pass everything.
I’ll see you later.
Life being predictable,
same cost.
What is this?
The harmony of attention.
If I were you
I’d probably prefer to be
part of the program:
let me love you what I do,
but let’s get this story straight.
Touch those together.
Hey John Coward,
me too coming.
Standing on the train.
Look at
where is she:
is this a science
or is this evidence?
You look for invigorating theories
brought on by the catchphrase word.
Delve deeper and you might find life.
What’s this habit here?
Only outward tuned.
Tell me you don’t know anything:
it’s all conjecture, guess, and patchwork answer.
Evangelize this uncertainty.
All that can be known is in your little book.
Gimmie that a second;
right here
it says you’re at
a larger historia
than right here taking an inventory of what I’m saying.
Behind closed doors
a muscle romance with dawn
tells your inner life with dream.
Behind walls of thought
you are rounding
2000
go somewheres.
Open your inner life,
spend time there.
Where is the key?
In the realm of your bed,
around the neck of dream
and other things during sleep.
Pour over the books there like a university.
No way –
a phantom
I see it.
Superstition idn’t it?
Science’s armchair here?
Science can’t reckon there.
Ambulance
we got here.
Trade anonymous
perfume
for the smell of God at your door.
It’s expensive.
Oh you laugh and say smile?
Don’t try to shut up the bottom mile
Richard.
Alight lookin’ good Brenda.
Still study your cat.
Bank it on the lips of dream
the rest of it.
Originally posted with the title “See Beyond the Peon” and without the last verse as a comment to the BBC Magazine article Point of View: "Ghosts and the Material World", May 5, 2013. It came via the inner voice.
The Skipper and the Professor of ‘Gilligan’s Island’.
Recently, after I posted my latest blog, I was thinking about what my next post might be. I had two ideas and started writing a little bit for each one. Then one night as I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I heard a voice say loud and clear, “Modern mythos.”
This is a theme I’ve touched on over the years in my writings, how all the different characters we’re exposed to in modern media serve as a modern mythos for our dreams to draw on for symbols. And since there can be a lot of variation in the characters we’re exposed to, because of what part of the world and what generation we grew up in, the modern mythos can be quite customized you might say per individual. When I grew up I was steeped in not just movies and television, but was also an avid comic book collector and know a lot of comic book characters, particularly Marvel comic book characters my dreams can use to show what’s going on with me the same way Greek and Roman gods and heroes would have been used by the dreams of people in those times.
Since the line ‘Modern mythos’ seemed like guidance I decided to write a blog post sharing and exploring a couple of these types of dreams. There was nothing really recent though in my dream journal that I could use, so it seemed possible to me that perhaps the dreams for this new post were yet to come. That proved to be the case, and two nights later I remembered two suitable dreams, both of which I will share as an examples of this type of dream. I’ll start with this one:
I’m with Darth Vader, but he’s actually my ally and we’re going to attack the Emperor. I’ve done something that has gotten the Emperor on the ground face down, and he seems to be unconscious. I want to stab him through the heart and kill him, but I have to leave for a moment to get someone to do something for me. When I come back the Emperor is awake. I stab him in different places with my lightsaber, but I can’t get him in the heart, and my attacks don’t seem to be doing anything. But then the Emperor changes into something like a big piece of plywood, and I’m smashing it with a hammer and telling people to take the pieces and burn them. While this is going on someone is organizing all the comic books that are here in the room in order to store them somewhere. The only one of the comic books I remember seeing was an issue of Daredevil, who’s on the cover dressed in a suit as his alter ego Matt Murdock. He’s with a woman who’s his girlfriend and who has stretching powers like Mister Fantastic.
The main part of this dream I think could be viewed as showing something universal in the sense that it demonstrates the plight of anyone struggling with their nature, shows how the spiritual warrior is dogged by hostile opposition in the process of purifying and converting all the parts of himself. The Emperor would seem to be some kind of hostile or anti-divine force opposing the spiritual endeavor or maybe the vital part or parts of us that are subject to that influence or perhaps all of those things. Darth Vader, in this dream at least1, would stand for a part or parts of one’s being that are in darkness, but are turning toward the light, a part that is being converted. That makes sense because Vader turns back to the light before he dies. Then there’s the character I play, the hero in the sense of the spiritual warrior, fighting the battle against one’s own nature and the forces of darkness that oppose.
Since this first part of the dream does seem to show a universal situation you can see how the three main characters could be swapped out with others. For example someone who was growing up in the first part of this century when Harry Potter was all the rage could have this same dream using Severus Snape in place of Darth Vader, and Lord Voldemort in place of the Emperor. The dreamer might also regard himself as Harry Potter or perhaps just play himself like I did in my dream: I didn’t regard myself as Luke Skywalker. And of course in the Harry Potter scenario the hero would be wielding a magic wand rather than a lightsaber. Here though we’ve reached a point where my dream steps outside the Star Wars mythos and starts using more mundane objects for symbols. My lightsaber, with which I was fighting ineffectively, becomes an ordinary hammer and the Emperor becomes something like plywood. Now what could that mean?
Donny feels that wood in a dream often represents something vital. That certainly fits here and would confirm that the Emperor is showing something in my vital that is under the influence of or has its buttons pushed by hostile forces. I’m not sure what a hammer might represent as opposed to a lightsaber, but a hammer is usually used to do work so maybe it signifies a labor I have to undertake. It’s also a very blunt instrument and certain types of hammers are used to break and destroy things. In this dream I used it to destroy the plywood, and then the pieces are taken to be burned. Donny said this movement suggested to him the idea of destroying something utterly, of burning it down to ashes, and that that could represent thoroughly rejecting whatever the Emperor/plywood represented, of giving it no quarter. Fire might also represent the fire of spiritual aspiration and tapas being used to burn up this particular wrong movement.
It’s interesting that the Emperor was vulnerable and seemingly unconscious at the beginning of my dream. Maybe whatever he represents could have been completely defeated at that time in my life, but the opportunity was missed. I wouldn’t bet on it though. It’s not easy to get rid of these things.
So now let’s examine the last piece of this dream: the comic book cover. Daredevil’s epithet is the ‘The Man Without Fear’, and rightly so since he literally has no fear and can resist fear toxins used by super villains. The other thing that makes Daredevil cool is he’s blind, but has enhanced senses including an additional radar sense he can use to negotiate the world. Given this Daredevil could perhaps represent occult powers or senses that can perceive beyond our normal five senses. I could see how a dream might highlight that feature of the character, but in this dream we find him as his alter ego Matt Murdock whose profession is a trial lawyer. This seems to me to be the key to interpreting the symbol at least as far as this dream goes.
Now a lawyer’s weapon is his mind and not his fists, and Donny also pointed out that a lawyer is an advocate, someone acting on your behalf for your wellbeing. Now at the time of this dream I was having a particularly rough go of it with the chronic pain I’m afflicted with in both my lower back and my knees. One problem I have regarding the chronic pain is the fear about it and the gloom and doom thoughts and feelings that can come up in reference to it, especially during a difficult period. So perhaps the dream is urging me to be ‘The Man Without Fear’ in the sense of being my own advocate and combating the fear, not just by rejecting it, but also by using my mind to reason with the vital and calm it down the same way a lawyer uses reason to present his arguments and win a trial. Or maybe the dream was showing me that some helpful force or entity was acting on my behalf to bring me courage, an intervention that might have been represented in the dream of an ancient Greek as the goddess Athena or perhaps by a hero like Perseus. I don’t think though that these two ideas are mutually exclusive, if you’re being guided to do something that would indicate the power or capacity would be there to help you do it.
So with that idea in mind we can take a look at the character of the girlfriend with the same elastic stretching powers as Mister Fantastic. This could simply be showing the capacity of being flexible, and since this character was a woman maybe it’s in the vital that I need more flexibility. What that might mean though in terms of some kind of action or effort on my part I’m not really sure. Maybe it has something to do with not resisting the fact that there’s chronic pain since resistance is something inflexible and unyielding that just creates more misery. That’s admittedly just a guess though, but not one that seems totally ludicrous. I’d add that fear and resistance do go hand in hand a lot of the time.
*****
The second modern mythos dream I had that night features the iconic American television show Gilligan’s Island. This was a show that was getting a lot of airtime in reruns when I was a kid in the 70’s and 80’s and one I would watch frequently. Here is the dream.
I’m with the Skipper and we’re on Gilligan’s Island. We’ve managed to get a hold of a working radio and have called for help and are talking to someone. Just as we’re about the give our coordinates, we lose the connection, and we figure we’ll have to try again later. The radio has changed into a book now, and we want to put it in the Professor’s hut for safekeeping because we know there’s one castaway that’s a bit crazy and doesn’t want to leave the island and who will try to sabotage our efforts. I’m trying to put the book in between some other books under the Professor’s desk. The Professor doesn’t seem too concerned about this crazy castaway, but I am.
This dream also seems to me to depict something universal about the human condition, and that is that we’re all basically marooned consciousness-wise in a small, cramped, miserable type of existence. And while we may have the aspiration to get out of it, there are still parts of us that don’t want to change and are sabotaging our aspiration at every step.
So from this outlook the radio suggests to me the idea of one’s call or aspiration to the divine as well as one’s receptivity to the divine power and influence, but it’s not easy to keep that call and that receptivity going all the time. The crazy castaway seems to be illustrating the fact that we’ve all got parts of us that sabotage our efforts whether consciously or unconsciously. The Professor would seem to represent the mind or something mental and perhaps is showing in the dream how we can be unconscious of these things that are sabotaging us. I’m not sure what the Skipper might represent, but he’s to some extent the de facto leader of the group as well as a good-hearted mama bear who takes the care and safety of the other castaways very seriously. Given this, could he represent the higher vital, or as Donny suggested, due to the fact that he’s the leader, the ego? It’s hard to say.
The fact that the radio turns into a book is interesting. Perhaps as Donny suggested it simply has to do with my daily reading of spiritual literature, which for the most part is the works of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, and the effect that has on the consciousness. At the time of the dream I was noting how reading Aurobindo’s The Life Divine would sometimes noticeably raise my consciousness and elevate my thinking for short periods of time.
One question I have, since I had both these dreams in the same night, is do Darth Vader and the crazy castaway represent the same thing or part of me? If that’s the case that would show how this part is still pretty mixed up, still stuck in a middle ground between conversion and following its lower bent. I often see swings in my dreams regarding Darth Vader where sometimes he’s my enemy and sometimes my ally. In fact while writing this article I had a dream where Anakin Skywalker was fighting with Yoda and other jedi masters. So because of this and also because I had these two dreams on the same night it seems logical to me the two symbols could be connected. And I think together these two dreams compliment each other in terms of painting a complete picture of where I was at and what I was facing at the time.
Before I wrap up here I’d like to point out that like with my Star Wars dream you can see the potential with this Gilligan’s Island dream to swap the main characters with different ones from other tv shows or movies and the dream would still carry the same message. For example, if you were a fan of the show Lost, that aired in the first part of the century and which also featured a group of people marooned on an island, your dreams could use those characters. The same essential scenario could also be shown using the storyline and appropriate characters from shows like Lost in Space or Star Trek: Voyager since the characters in those two shows are lost and trying to find their way home.
Now in closing I’ll admit there isn’t really anything earth shattering or unusually revelatory in these dreams, but they are good examples of modern mythos dreams and show how our dreams can take these cultural figures and use them to communicate with us. I hope to have more to say on this fascinating subject in the future.
Notes and References
I think it’s possible Darth Vader might just represent a hostile influence in some cases, such as the dream I shared on my post ‘The Emperor Has A Scheme’.
It’s so easy to get irked with people about the same faults we have or have had in the past, so easy to forget what we were like when we were young when dealing with young people and the difficulties their immaturity presents. It’s a blind spot that seems to afflict a lot of us when we become adults, this lack of tolerance and understanding for the young, like they should somehow not have the same faults we had at their age. I needed a dream recently to remind me of this. Let me share.
As I’ve pointed out in other posts we have an ‘extended family’ of people we are still involved with in addition to the young adults that reside here with us in our house. One of these young men is homeless, we’ll call him H. for short. H. shows up every once in awhile and wants to stay couple of days, would like to live here actually, but we’re not taking anybody else on at the moment. We have a general guideline that we let people stay two nights per visit, but since H. claimed he had both lost his job and had a fight with his mother we let him stay for four. After those four days both Donny and I, especially Donny, were glad that he left. H. usually keeps to himself when he’s here, but on this particular occasion he was frequently going into Donny’s room and wanting to hang out there. Both Donny and I like our privacy and don’t really want anyone else just hanging out in our rooms so that was bothersome for him as H. couldn’t take the hint. H. was also coming to my room to ask for money and the keys to the moped to go get this or that indulgence for himself, a soda or a snack etc. I’m used to our residents showing that kind of boldness when they want something, but the repeated coming for money on H.’s part got kind of annoying. I think it’s like the saying goes that “the fish had started to stink.” Anyone that we’re not accustomed to being around gets on our nerves eventually. I will say that something seemed to be bothering H., but we never figured out what that was.
A day or so after H. left I had this dream:
I’ve been staying at Billie’s house for a few days, but I’ve decided I’m definitely going to leave tomorrow. I’m pondering how I should spend my last day, and I think it would be nice if Billie and I went somewhere that we could hike. So I go upstairs to find Billie. I tell him my idea and he angrily tells me no he doesn’t want to go hiking. I’m taken aback by this and ask him if this is just because the fish have started to stink. I say “Maybe four days here was too much and two would have been enough. Please be honest if this is the reason so I will know if I ever come to visit again.” In a huff he admits it. I go downstairs and tell his mom Mary Margaret what happened. She says that she herself hasn’t been bothered by my being there, but that “it’s his daughter.” By this she means that my being there is getting in the way of Billie spending time with his daughter.
Back in 1999 I had gone to a Rainbow Gathering in Pennsylvania. When it was over I managed to catch a ride out of there with a group that was headed to Bloomington Indiana, so I figured I would get off at Richmond Indiana where I had gone to high school and see some old friends. The first place I stopped was the home of a mother of a friend of mine, Dave who wasn’t there, but actually living in Colorado. Karen let me stay a couple of days before she drove to Colorado to see Dave, and she made it clear I wasn’t invited though I wanted to go. Next I went to my friend Max’s house and slept on their couch for a few days before his wife told Max to show me the door. So I ended up at Billie’s where I stayed maybe a week, before I took a bus to New Jersey to stay with my brother for a few days before I got on a plane to Europe to go and see the total solar eclipse in Hungary.
Now at the time I was kind of baffled as to why Karen hadn’t wanted to take me to Colorado with her, and also why Max’s wife had wanted me to leave, because I couldn’t see what a mooch and a parasite I was being. Billie was more accommodating probably because he was my hands down best friend from high school. He didn’t say anything, but I surely wore out my welcome there too, eating his food and not contributing much except for buying all the marijuana we were smoking. I’m not sure how annoyed Billie got with the whole thing, but probably more than he let on, though I think he did enjoy having me there. I’m quite sure though that his girlfriend (with whom he was living along with their four kids) got annoyed by my presence.
So when I was looking at this dream it made me take a look at the way I was acting back then, how I’d made people feel the same feelings that came up in me towards H.. There’s part of me that realizes just on general principle that I need to get to the place where I don’t get annoyed by things like this, but the dream also brought the point home that I’ve acted the same way and really have no justification for getting annoyed with people who are still immature in the same way that I was back then. We have a number of people from our ‘extended family’ who come over here just to indulge their vitals and eat our food and don’t give nary a thing back, and if they’re asked to do something they’ll get in a huff about it or do a half-assed job. Our residents aren’t much different. That’s hard for my ego to take, but it’s largely immaturity on their part and I was the same way. The other big factor however is boys in this culture are waited on hand and foot their entire lives as they’re growing up, and feel like they shouldn’t have to do anything even when they’re a guest in somebody else’s home.
This wasn’t the end of the lesson though because a day or so after the dream another young man, we’ll call him Fred as in Right Said Fred showed up. Now Fred isn’t part of the extended family, but a nineteenth cousin or something of three of our residents. Fred is young, and extremely conceited, thinks he’s a big somebody because he’s a fashion photographer and has over 3,500 facebook friends following his personal page. He doesn’t get paid as far as I know for his photographs, just takes a lot of pictures of himself and his friends dressed up with sunglasses, and showing off their six packs if they have them. It’s the sort of thing young Tamils would like, glitzy and shallow, but I will admit that he has talent and thus he’s built his small following. Fred also has an amplified vital and wants a big party whenever he’s here. Usually he comes on a Friday and leaves on Sunday, but on this particular visit he came on Sunday and wanted to stay four days. It basically threw off our whole schedule as far as satsung goes, since our boys (who worship Fred) were running around with him taking pictures. They also bought beer and were drinking which is something Donny and I allow occasionally, but we want to be informed about it, and in this case, as is often the case when Fred is here, we were not.
Fred and I got off on the wrong foot from the get go after I first got back to India when he brought three extra people with him when he came for New Year’s Eve and then proceeded to tell me they were staying for two days when I told him to get them up and out of here on New Year’s Day. He’s just one of those personalities that will push things as much as he can, and the alpha in me doesn’t like being defied by someone trying to come into our house and do whatever he wants. Neither am I impressed with Fred’s 3,500 facebook friends, and find him mainly a disturbance who makes the house harder to manage while he’s here. During his visit this time though I realized my dream about Billie related to him too, and that he was just acting the same way I was back in 1999. Given this it’s interesting that both he and H. stayed for four days just as in my dream I was at Billie’s for four days. Maybe there’s some reaping of what I sowed going on here too. The other thing I tried to recognize is that, although I find Fred’s visits unpleasant, it’s a vital treat for the young men here who feed off his amplified vital energy and ‘let’s party’ atmosphere and who think he’s basically living the dream with his 3,500 facebook friends. I also found myself feeling a little bit sorry for Fred too, since he is good looking and with his swagger he’d do well with the ladies in a more liberal country, but here in India with this traditional culture it’s not so easy carry on a relationship. I guess that may be kind of silly on my part, but empathy is still empathy I suppose. I will say though that in general I feel sadness for the plight of young people here because of all the sexual repression and the archaic system of arranged marriages, but I digress.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t react to Fred’s antics during this particular visit, but there is a sort of epilogue to all this. A month later I came out of my apartment and heard a very loud voice downstairs that I recognized as Fred and was irked since he hadn’t called to ask if it was all right to come, something we’ve asked him to do as a courtesy. That night I had this dream:
I’m reading an account of something that happened at the Sri Aurobindo Ashram, but at times it shifts visually to snapshots or short clips of what’s being recounted. There’s a group of people outside the ashram doing something with the Mother, and an obnoxious jogger passes by and yells “Byyyyyyyyeeee!” as he goes by. Then he stops and gets on the phone at a telephone booth. Everyone is just gawking at him until the Mother comes and tells us to get back to work and stop paying attention to the guy, that he has no importance.
The first conclusion I came to about the dream is that the obnoxious jogger who got on the pay phone represented Fred, who is both physically fit and also always on his smartphone. I took it that the message for me was to not get aggravated by him, see him for the thing of no importance that he is and carry on with my work. Now I think that’s true, but I think at the same time, and more importantly, the obnoxious jogger represents this part of me that reacts to Fred and creates an inner disturbance, because the real problem isn’t Fred or H. or whoever or whatever else I’m reacting too. The problem is my reactions.
I don’t know if I’m cured or not as far as reacting to Fred, but this dream really helped me, and I wasn’t bothered by him much when he was here this time and even felt some good will for him. The thing is though sometimes you have to lay down the law when you run a house like this, but the problem with me is the alpha male part of me overreacts and wants to bring the hammer down hard on challenges to its authority. It’s a continuing issue because if Donny and I didn’t assert ourselves at times our house would be overrun. What I need to do though, I feel, is work on getting a handle on myself in these situation and dealing with things firmly but with understanding, and not let my ego turn things into a pissing contest. Alas, yet another thing to work on and another thing it seems can only be completely solved by a change in consciousness since the human ego self, this way of knowing in which all these outer persons and events appear as something separate and distinct from ‘me’, is a thing of reactions and resistances. I don’t have the feeling though that if you shift to a higher way of knowing that lives in the oneness and unity of existence, that you turn into a passive candy ass. But I do think that there wouldn’t be any ill will or animal aggressiveness when you assert yourself, but rather a sincere compassion even when you’re acting in a heavy-handed way or with severity. Other people might still react to you as if there are still those baser feelings at play in you, but that won’t be the truth, just their reaction and misinterpretation. So I guess the final word is that living in a higher consciousness won’t save you from offending people. In fact, you might offend more people than you would otherwise, but you won’t be acting from ego and that’s what counts.
Harm's End 