toddler – Harm's End

I tried to find people of substance to testify with me.
I just heard my bottom line turn not which but for my soul.
“Yeah I’ll be right there.”
He was to make
“me, I don’t care.”
He is at this stage the little boy.
He’ll bring him in in another place,
and that boy cares about his room.
It’s been set up for baby.
Ohhhhhh,
as in
that’s an amazing
fieldwork with the little in the house.
God cares.
He snuck in the lunch.
Yes that was weird:
a sudden host of angels lined the room.

Angels,
when you are in a film,
they see what you’re doin’.
I’m happy about that.
I’m not wrapped in golden chains.
I love the highway.
I love the freeway.
I’m not mindin’ my own business.
I do a lot of lookin’
in the inner chambers of people,
all who’s connected with my room
as they star in their own show—
breakin’ bread together,
and it’s just the outfield in my room.
I put on my clothes.

Now I’m a witness of tomorrow,
and I don’t think you’ve seen that yet.
Look with Dylan.
He’s about to turn two.
I spend the day with him a time or two a week,
really in soft with his mother how to do that.
You walk on tippy toes around that kid.
You let him lead.
You follow,
and you just see him all together soon.
You focus, concentrate, on that kid,
right where he’s developin’,
and the voice come out
“I am so glad you’re seeing me.”

You give him everything he wants
that doesn’t hurt him
or make him mean.
You know you have to
balance this with society’s rules.
It’s what we make them for:
we need a functioning society.
Now what happens when he’s off base,
a naked kid in a mud hole?
Clean dirt don’t mind,
well water,
and there are no snakes and spiders around,
biting insects.
You let him enjoy himself,
makin’ mud pies,
smearin’ mud all over himself,
splashin’ and a splashin’ and a splashin’.

The Rottweiler near him smiles.
She understands mud.
I am making sure he has the freedom to do it.
Money from Heaven,
I love to see him play.
It’s a stadium room.
We are bound by so many witnesses.
I can feel them in my sleeves.
I wanna get at the new creation,
and I see with children we do that.
I study them,
hopin’ to find tomorrow.
I am bound and limited in my time,
and someone else owns that kid.
I can only do so much.

I gave Nithish a brand new room,
for a day,
a kid now 13
I lost last year.
It all crumbled.
 The new creation fell apart.
He was reamed
viciously by his parents,
until he lost all his Heaven.
They punished him for his spirituality,
and he lost all sense of it.
He’s told me he has no feelings now
and would like to kill people if he could.
That’s very far from grace,
and I accuse God about it all the time,
the Mother and Sri Aurobindo.

What we did
cannot be repeated in a laboratory.
It’s too much
where we put spiritual influence.
Laboratory conditions can’t copy that.
Because I’m not there,
on the ground,
the kid is just in a black straight jacket,
and I can’t get near ‘im.
I can’t get this across to anyone.
There is no need of me they see.
I’m a foreigner in India,
and that’s all they see.
This is a racial country
I just sit and bleed.
Even if someone would turn him towards me,
I’m a police major.
Write it down
hey I like kids,
and I’ve stepped on their shoes in the past,
and now I know what they need?

It’s a honey table,
and the most skeptical person
would find me right with kids
if they followed me around with one.
I know what I’m doin’.
But I would not like the interference to tell you the truth,
and we wouldn’t be focused on child development.
It would be watching me.
How do I show you this honey dog?
You can’t blame me for tryin’.
I want my boy back
so he can grow up
as tall as his destiny calls for,
and I want Dylan
to be assured I’m there,
and no one will take me away.
These are troubled times.

So we play eggs,
these hot air balloons
I sudden you with
so’s you can see
I’m not red in my room.
It’s a feelin’ test.
I’m givin’ you the means to look in there
wide open feelin’.
A seer would see a honey perch,
laughter and commodity for the child.
I arm there.
It’s not a black bag.

Now what’s the commodity in my room?
It’s soul change.
I’m learnin’ the soul take over,
and that’s the honey for the child
I want them in contact with
so with their souls they stay in touch;
they don’t lose that sweet easiness
that makes them joys at life,
and that’s our leadership with children,
the soul ever takes presence.
Can you find that?

It’s too abstract to you,
or most of you,
or it’s some made-up notion
we force in life’s cupboard.
It’s the contact with life
at its most basic.
It’s what we deal with
as children
that never forgets childhood,
and we love bein’ a child.
It’s what we lose when we grow up
that we call innocence and candor
and silliness and so on.
We lose that touch with our souls,
the sweetness that can forgive everyone,
even if they’ve just whipped your butt.
You remember that?

I’m all about it,
and I meet the souls of children
with my own.
Funny how you do that.
You just be kind with them
and ever present,
as the big dog sittin’ there
that just wants them safe.
That’s what you do with children,
open up their hearts with love
and make them feel safe and special.

Dylan doesn’t respond yet
to anyone
to get out of his own mood,
but he comes when I call,
and that’s what we spent the day doin’.
Self-Absorption do you see that dog sittin’ there?
Luna baby loves you.
And Self-Absorption looks up at me in play
and gives me a smile full of eye contact,
grinnin’ from ear to ear,
and it lights up the sun
and gives me the joy of the world.
And he comes and takes my hand
and leads me to what he wants to do,
and he’s developin’ friendship
and social contact.
We have fun together.

Listen,
you can’t fool an angel.
What’s on with you
when a child is under your care,
when you play with kittens?

Where autism rides,
nobody believes in it,
and the vehicles crash.
Madness in America gave us this lay:
autism comes from television
and screen time.
I laugh at every little thing. [sing line]
This is the public mind.
Where do we go with it?
We can’t take it anywhere
in the fundamentals of ourselves
where we’ve encountered the unknown.

I’m dancin’ on thin ice.
I think this is the public construction of our ego today,
or whatever you call that we are now,
how it’s made,
where it comes from.
Everybody’s ignorant here.
Nobody knows what’s goin’ on,
and nobody cares.
Too many other concerns crowd the show.

How do I introduce you to you?
Let’s take your dream last night
the closer you are from waking up,
when you’re patterning on dreamless sleep.
You’ve gotten down that far.
This is really weird.
The forms bite you.
They do not contain waking life
in anything recognizable
except maybe a sandwich you’re a part of,
that you’re being eaten by.
They are larger than machine.
They swallow you whole.
You were merged with that odd substance, weren’t you?
The separate self was hanging in thin air.
You didn’t recognize it yet.
You were the forms you saw,
and you are all mixed up.
You couldn’t tell yourself,
but you were there.

Have you ever woken up from this
merged dream content?
It’s oddly familiar.
You feel basic with it,
like you’re on a slab of reality
you’ve know before,
when you first woke up from sleep,
somewhere in womb-time,
but I think after we’re born the show begins,
when we hold the world tight
indistinguishable from it.
We are merged in our identity
with all around us,
but the body localizes us
in our surroundings,
and we are so bodily there.
Mommy and springtime,
that’s the season we wear.
Her face, her touch,
her smell,
we know those are safety measures,
and we don’t know much else.
It depends upon the daddy.
Some are right there,
and it doesn’t have to be a parent.
I can’t give you the lists
without breakin’ ‘em up.
We’ve got to talk about the thing.

I think slowly we wake to the blows of life,
its insistence on its kin,
and we separate ourselves from our environment
slowly,
little by little.
You can see this happenin’
if your look’s engaged.
That sense of separate self is precious
a wee one becomes a person in.
Are you three
when you’ve balanced life
and can give a wink to other people
here I am, here I am, how do you do? [sing line, popular nursery rhyme]

I’ve just studied your rabbit.
You think you’re localized in space
a separate consciousness in time.
No, that’s learned.
Now put all this in a TV show,
some stupid video,
and you see what you got.
I can’t distinguish myself from time and space
to begin with.
Now add another layer,
the absurd,
the inane,
the chocolate freeze cake,
and some children don’t make the match.
They can’t distinguish themselves in time,
and spectrum autism
makes them their relationship with the world.

One in 36 is it?
Anyway it’s huge.
I can babysit
a two-year-old,
and I don’t have consciousness breathin’ down my neck.
I make contact with the kid
casually.
I understand his price.
I see him there
pullin’ himself out of the world,
tryin’ to make himself work in it.
I dream about him,
have him in vision.
We have open lines of communication,
and I don’t wanna mess it up,
that delicate balance he has with the world
as he’s findin’ himself in it.

No extra touches when I wash his penis,
no emotions in my hand,
and I’m careful with that anus.
(I have no sexual desire for the child.)
I think these are where he is localized now
as the body reaches the sky,
right there at the birth of thought.
No they are not the majors in the room
that determine his life.
There’s just so much feeling there,
and feeling’s what it’s all about
when you’re two.

I’m crowdin’ in on your crash course in reality.
I’m tellin’ yah how it’s made,
our sexual preference,
our sexual alliance with the world.
We can become gay or straight,
pedophile or necrophiliac,
and the list goes on,
and we can this and that
or just someone who harass women,
touch them somewhere
they don’t know where it’s at,
respect,
and if you wanna rapist touch them more momma.
An old movie,
don’t worry;
I’m taking it to see daylight.
It won’t take long.

We need good parental hands
with everybody who handles them,
our genitals.
The equations will reach the sky
with anybody who touches them,
or squeezes them against ourself
in diaper rub.
Add some kissin’ on top of that,
real romantic feelings
with some male role model,
and if you’re boy you’re gay.
Watch and see.
I just let the cat out of the bag.
Can you see it?

Autism spectrum disorder,
it’s not the only thing that comes out of our threes.
Every touch counts.
Every moment’s involved with us.
A screaming parent,
two fighting parents,
and that’s joined in our identity don’t you see?
You got it all wrong.
Those years count the most,
and they’re the hardest to bear,
aren’t they?
Hit that child and see
you’ve got a child there
the world has slapped by,
and they’ve been betrayed by everybody.
Can’t you see it on their face?
Don’t you know it’s in their pain?

I love you Dylan.
I really do.
Anyway,
there, I’ve done it,
showed you reality.
Can you get my dig?
Cryin’ all the time, [sing line, from the song “Hound Dog”]
no.
We wipe their tears with our love,
always addin’ to the world
their place in it,
and the roles are clear,
and that’s heavy, ain’t it?

I can bring understanding
to many roles in your life
and to horrible times.
I can do that.
When you even begin to walk,
we’re gettin’ some stuff done.
We’re gettin’ some stuff done put well on you.
Like what can you do
if nobody wants to be well?
Kid you know
travel love,
and make that the aim of life
the immediacy of this moment.

May all your memories and all your steps,
may they be easy.
Okay,
I’ve tuned you to the ages.
That explains it,
what went wrong.
Daddy, daddy! [vision of Dylan standing and turning to look at me and saying this]
Come there
even for your own purpose.
You know as well as I know
the movies,
trauma is almost illegal I’m carrying
to bring Dylan through this touch and screen of madness,
someone
experiencing the world
his play bubba,
his romance,
his mastery,
and we all look for spiritual change,
don’t we?
Evolution,
it’s what’s you do with a kid.
It be like
huggin’
sha-la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la tee-da [sing line, song “Brown Eyed Girl”]
and never gettin’ caught in it.
You’re free.
Why would you want to take a child anywhere else?