For Nithish it has to be longer than five minutes, and no mother present. What’s wrong with this? It gives him room to breathe. He can be himself again. He doesn’t have to obey his parents. He can see me freely and openly and clearly. He can tell me anything he wants. We can be together without any interference from anyone else. We can be our special relationship. I can explain things to him. He can explain things to me. He can tell me what he wants from me, and how he feels about me, and what he expects me to do. We can be together again.
If you are looking for total control, you’re not gonna get it, Sandiya and Sundar. He has needs that you are not meeting. In not letting him see me you’re only meeting your own. Why are your needs so much more important than his? You are offended that I threatened you with this and that. I was genuinely hurt when Sandiya brought a policeman to put me in jail. I have made no case or complaint against you. I have merely tried to see Nithish, because I know he needs me too, and to cut me out of his life like that, because you were angry with me, and allow no contact whatsoever, has brutalized this boy, broken his heart, torn his mind, and made him at times wish he were dead. He cannot tell you these things. There is not that level of trust there. He cannot trust you not to beat him, scold him, or tell him how he should think and feel. You are not on his side. You are on yours.
I am a parent of this child. Reality shows that not some legal piece of paper. You disregard that like it’s nothing. Take the time to view these videos, and tell me I am a bad parent, and I have nothing to give him that is valuable for his future life. I can give him things you cannot. You can give him things that I can’t. Why are you being so selfish about this boy? Why do you want to own him so? Is it a matter of pride? He’s yours and you want him and that’s it? Is it because I’m a foreigner, and we are all devils? Or is it because he loves me so, as much as he loves you, and you just can’t stand that?
What about his needs? That’s what I’m talking about here, and I’m showing you that I meet. I have asked you for time alone with him, so he and I can determine what we want. Are you afraid he will put you in jail? That’s not our intention or our aim. We simply want to be together again, and I’m asking for a first meeting to allow that to happen, slowly, and with everybody’s goodwill, not some final meeting where he’s forced to say goodbye, and you have pumped him with what he should say, and you are there guarding him so he will say it. Are you sure you know right from wrong? You are not being right here.
Let’s talk about the future Nithish. You have broken his heart, crushed the love of one of the most important people in his life, made his mind think badly about me, mean things, and you expect him to be a decent person, a good man? You have killed love, and you have killed his kindness, and you have killed his compassion. What can of man will he become? A mean man.
What kind of boy is he now? Is he disconfigured? How easily does he become aggressive, or angry? Is he often rude? Does he brood a lot? Does he get lost in himself? Where has the Nithish gone, that not so perfect boy before you took him? He was not perfect but he was a good little boy, kindhearted and understanding. Now all the bad elements have taken over in him, have they not?
I know you see a difference. Look at his weight. I’m sorry Sandiya he played outside here too. You can see the videos. He did not just sit around all the time. So where did all that weight go? He’s been very unhappy inside, emotionally upset, sick in his heart and aggravated in his mind, and the control you put on him, to keep him away from me, a boy just putting on his teenage wings, is enough to make any boy mad.
Why are you doing all of this I ask again. Did he do anything wrong? He loves a foreign man and prefers that hand to raise him over yours. That’s his great sin. He needs you he needs me, but he prefers the home that I give him, and I think we’ve hit the soul of your anger. You’re mad at him for that, and you hate me for it. So you punish him and you punish me, with heartache and mental pain. When will it stop?
It doesn’t stop. Time only hides it, and it not only haunts you for the rest of your life, it makes you angry and mean, bitter, distrustful of the world and of human relationship. I am quoting human psychology. You only know your gut-level reaction. Can you grow up a little, Sandiya, Sundar? Can you meet the needs of your child over your own?
Let us have a first meeting, the boy and I, our own private greeting, and then we go from there. It’s the human thing to do. Do I need to ask if you are human? Okay please let us begin, at the Mother’s balcony. Lidya can bring him. We can talk a few minutes in privacy, and I can show him his new YouTube video, and then she can bring him back. Then we go from there, like I said, in heartbeats Nithish.
Pardon the Tamil. I used Google Translate நித்திஷின் கேள்வி
நிதிஷ் சார்பில் இது ஐந்து நிமிடங்களுக்கு மேல் இருக்க வேண்டும், மற்றும் அம்மா இல்லை. இதில் என்ன தவறு? அது அவருக்கு சுவாசிக்க இடமளிக்கிறது. அவர் மீண்டும் தானே ஆக முடியும். அவன் பெற்றோருக்குக் கீழ்ப்படிய வேண்டியதில்லை. அவர் என்னை சுதந்திரமாகவும் வெளிப்படையாகவும் தெளிவாகவும் பார்க்க முடியும். அவர் என்ன வேண்டுமானாலும் என்னிடம் சொல்லலாம். யாருடைய குறுக்கீடும் இல்லாமல் நாம் ஒன்றாக இருக்க முடியும். நாங்கள் எங்கள் சிறப்பு உறவாக இருக்கலாம். நான் அவருக்கு விஷயங்களை விளக்க முடியும். அவர் எனக்கு விஷயங்களை விளக்க முடியும். அவர் என்னைப் பற்றி எப்படி உணருகிறார், நான் என்ன செய்ய வேண்டும் என்று அவர் எதிர்பார்க்கிறார். நாம் மீண்டும் ஒன்றாக இருக்கலாம்.
நீங்கள் முழு கட்டுப்பாட்டையும் தேடுகிறீர்கள் என்றால், நீங்கள் அதைப் பெற மாட்டீர்கள், சந்தியா மற்றும் சுந்தர். நீங்கள் சந்திக்காத தேவைகள் அவருக்கு உள்ளன. என்னை பார்க்க விடாமல் செய்ததில் நீங்கள் உங்கள் சொந்தத்தை மட்டுமே சந்திக்கிறீர்கள். அவரை விட உங்கள் தேவைகள் ஏன் மிகவும் முக்கியமானவை? நான் உன்னை இப்படியும் அதையும் சொல்லி மிரட்டினேன் என்று கோபித்துக் கொண்டாய். சந்தியா என்னை சிறையில் அடைக்க ஒரு போலீஸ்காரரை அழைத்து வந்தபோது நான் உண்மையிலேயே காயப்பட்டேன். நான் உங்கள் மீது எந்த வழக்கும் புகாரும் செய்யவில்லை. நான் நித்திஷைப் பார்க்க முயற்சித்தேன். ஏனென்றால் எனக்கு தெரியும் அவனுக்கும் நான் தேவை அதுபோல அவனுடைய வாழ்க்கையிலிருந்து என்னை நீக்கவும், நீ என் மீது கோபமாக இருந்ததால், மற்றும் எந்த தொடர்பும் வேண்டாம் இந்த சிறுவனை கொடூரமாக கொன்றான் அவரது இதயத்தை உடைத்து, அவன் மனதை கிழித்து, மேலும் சில சமயங்களில் அவர் இறந்துவிட்டதாக ஆசைப்பட வைத்தார். இந்த விஷயங்களை அவர் உங்களிடம் சொல்ல முடியாது. அந்த அளவு நம்பிக்கை அங்கு இல்லை. அவனை அடிக்காதே என்று உன்னை நம்ப முடியாது. அவனை திட்டி, அல்லது அவர் எப்படி நினைக்க வேண்டும் மற்றும் உணர வேண்டும் என்று சொல்லுங்கள். நீங்கள் அவர் பக்கம் இல்லை. நீங்கள் உங்கள் மீது இருக்கிறீர்கள்.
நான் இந்தக் குழந்தையின் பெற்றோர். சில சட்டப்பூர்வ காகிதம் அல்ல என்பதை உண்மை காட்டுகிறது. அது ஒன்றுமில்லை என்பது போல் நீங்கள் புறக்கணிக்கிறீர்கள். இந்த வீடியோக்களை பார்க்க நேரம் ஒதுக்குங்கள், நான் ஒரு மோசமான பெற்றோர் என்று சொல்லுங்கள் மேலும் அவருக்கு கொடுக்க என்னிடம் எதுவும் இல்லை அது அவரது எதிர்கால வாழ்க்கைக்கு மதிப்புமிக்கது. உங்களால் முடியாததை என்னால் அவருக்கு கொடுக்க முடியும். என்னால் முடியாததை நீங்கள் அவருக்குக் கொடுக்கலாம். இந்த பையனிடம் ஏன் இவ்வளவு சுயநலமாக இருக்கிறீர்கள்? நீ ஏன் அவனை இப்படி சொந்தமாக்க விரும்புகிறாய்? பெருமைக்குரிய விஷயமா? அவர் உங்களுடையவர், நீங்கள் அவரை விரும்புகிறீர்களா? நான் வெளிநாட்டவர் என்பதனாலா, நாம் அனைவரும் பிசாசுகளா? அல்லது அவர் என்னை மிகவும் நேசிப்பதாலா? அவர் உன்னை எவ்வளவு நேசிக்கிறார், மற்றும் உங்களால் தாங்க முடியவில்லையா? அவரது தேவைகள் பற்றி என்ன?
அதைத்தான் நான் இங்கே பேசுகிறேன், நான் சந்திப்பதை உங்களுக்குக் காட்டுகிறேன். அவனுடன் தனியாக நேரம் கேட்டேன். அதனால் என்ன வேண்டும் என்பதை அவரும் நானும் தீர்மானிக்க முடியும். அவர் உங்களை சிறையில் அடைத்துவிடுவார் என்று பயப்படுகிறீர்களா? அது எங்கள் நோக்கமோ நோக்கமோ அல்ல. நாங்கள் மீண்டும் ஒன்றாக இருக்க விரும்புகிறோம், மற்றும் நான் முதல் சந்திப்பைக் கேட்கிறேன் அது நடக்க அனுமதிக்க, மெதுவாக, மற்றும் அனைவரின் நல்லெண்ணத்துடன், அவர் விடைபெற வேண்டிய கட்டாயத்தில் இருக்கும் இறுதி சந்திப்பு அல்ல, மேலும் அவர் என்ன சொல்ல வேண்டும் என்று நீங்கள் அவரைத் தூண்டினீர்கள், நீங்கள் அங்கே அவரைக் காத்துக்கொண்டிருக்கிறீர்கள், அதனால் அவர் அதைச் சொல்வார். சரி தவறா என்று உறுதியாக அறிவீர்களா? நீங்கள் இங்கே சரியாக இருக்கவில்லை.
நித்திஷின் எதிர்காலத்தைப் பற்றி பேசலாம். நீங்கள் அவரது இதயத்தை உடைத்துவிட்டீர்கள், அவரது வாழ்க்கையில் மிக முக்கியமான நபர்களில் ஒருவரின் அன்பை நசுக்கினார், அவன் மனதை என்னை பற்றி தவறாக நினைக்க வைத்தது பொருள், அவர் ஒரு ஒழுக்கமான நபராக இருக்க வேண்டும் என்று நீங்கள் எதிர்பார்க்கிறீர்கள், நல்ல மனிதனா? காதலை கொன்றாய், நீங்கள் அவருடைய இரக்கத்தைக் கொன்றுவிட்டீர்கள், நீங்கள் அவருடைய இரக்கத்தைக் கொன்றுவிட்டீர்கள். அவன் என்ன மனிதனாக ஆவான்? ஒரு சராசரி மனிதன்.
இப்போது எப்படிப்பட்ட பையன்? அவர் சிதைந்துவிட்டாரா? அவர் எவ்வளவு எளிதாக ஆக்ரோஷமாக மாறுகிறார் அல்லது கோபமா? அவர் அடிக்கடி முரட்டுத்தனமாக இருக்கிறாரா? அவர் நிறைய அடைகாக்கிறாரா? தனக்குள்ளேயே தொலைந்து விடுகிறாரா? நிதீஷ் எங்கே போனார்? அவ்வளவு சரியான பையன் இல்லை நீங்கள் அவரை அழைத்துச் செல்வதற்கு முன்? அவர் சரியானவர் அல்ல, ஆனால் அவர் ஒரு நல்ல சிறு பையன், அன்பான மற்றும் புரிதல். இப்போது அனைத்து கெட்ட கூறுகளும் அவருக்குள் ஆக்கிரமித்துள்ளன, இல்லையா?
நீங்கள் ஒரு வித்தியாசத்தைப் பார்க்கிறீர்கள் என்று எனக்குத் தெரியும். அவருடைய எடையைப் பாருங்கள். சந்தியா இங்கேயும் வெளியில் விளையாடியதற்கு மன்னிக்கவும். நீங்கள் வீடியோக்களைப் பார்க்கலாம். அவர் எல்லா நேரமும் சும்மா உட்கார்ந்திருக்கவில்லை.
அப்படியானால் அந்த எடை எல்லாம் எங்கே போனது? அவர் உள்ளே மிகவும் மகிழ்ச்சியற்றவராக இருந்தார், உணர்ச்சிவசப்பட்டு, அவரது இதயத்தில் உடம்பு மற்றும் அவரது மனதில் மோசமாகி, நீங்கள் அவர் மீது வைத்திருக்கும் கட்டுப்பாடு, அவனை என்னிடமிருந்து விலக்கி வைக்க, ஒரு சிறுவன் தனது டீனேஜ் இறக்கைகளை அணிந்து கொண்டான், எந்த பையனையும் பைத்தியமாக்க போதும்.
ஏன் இப்படியெல்லாம் செய்கிறீர்கள் மீண்டும் கேட்கிறேன். அவர் ஏதாவது தவறு செய்தாரா? அவர் ஒரு வெளிநாட்டு மனிதனை காதலிக்கிறார் உங்கள் கையை விட அவரை உயர்த்த அந்த கையை விரும்புகிறது. அது அவருடைய பெரிய பாவம். அவனுக்கு நீ வேண்டும் அவனுக்கு நான் வேண்டும் ஆனால் நான் கொடுக்கும் வீட்டை அவர் விரும்புகிறார். உங்கள் கோபத்தின் ஆன்மாவை நாங்கள் தாக்கியுள்ளோம் என்று நினைக்கிறேன். அதற்காக நீங்கள் அவர் மீது கோபமாக இருக்கிறீர்கள், அதற்காக நீங்கள் என்னை வெறுக்கிறீர்கள். எனவே நீங்கள் அவரை தண்டிக்கிறீர்கள், என்னையும் தண்டிக்கிறீர்கள். இதய வலி மற்றும் மன வலியுடன். அது எப்போது நிறுத்தப்படும்?
அது நிற்காது. காலம் அதை மட்டும் மறைக்கிறது அது உங்கள் வாழ்நாள் முழுவதும் உங்களைத் துன்புறுத்துவது மட்டுமல்ல, இது உங்களை கோபமாகவும், அர்த்தமாகவும் ஆக்குகிறது கசப்பான, உலகின் மீது அவநம்பிக்கை மற்றும் மனித உறவு. நான் மனித உளவியலை மேற்கோள் காட்டுகிறேன். உங்கள் குடல் நிலை எதிர்வினை மட்டுமே உங்களுக்குத் தெரியும். கொஞ்சம் வளர முடியுமா, சந்தியா, சுந்தர்? உங்கள் குழந்தையின் தேவைகளைப் பூர்த்தி செய்ய முடியுமா? உங்கள் சொந்த மேல்?
முதல் சந்திப்பை நடத்துவோம், பையனும் நானும், எங்கள் சொந்த தனிப்பட்ட வாழ்த்துக்கள், பின்னர் நாங்கள் அங்கிருந்து செல்கிறோம். இது மனித காரியம். நீங்கள் மனிதரா என்று நான் கேட்க வேண்டுமா? சரி தயவு செய்து ஆரம்பிக்கலாம், அம்மாவின் பால்கனியில். லித்யா அவனை அழைத்து வரலாம். சில நிமிடங்கள் பேசலாம் தனியுரிமையில், அவருடைய புதிய யூடியூப் வீடியோவை என்னால் அவருக்குக் காட்ட முடியும், பின்னர் அவள் அவனை திரும்ப அழைத்து வரலாம். பின்னர் நாங்கள் அங்கிருந்து செல்கிறோம், நான் கூறியது போல, இதயத் துடிப்பில் நித்திஷ்.
What happened at your advocate's office? He was threatened, when you came alive he was threatened. He had to obey his mother. Is that the real card? You thwarted her. You put yourself there not the mission. It was all your fault, never mind her cruelty.
Why do you allow her that? Why does she have all the power? You’re not being fair, and it has never changed, and I got no help there. So blame it on me, but You could’ve helped. You could’ve done something.
Why die? Because I’m lost him, and I cannot live without him, and it’s the betrayal of the universe, the betrayal of God. There’s a spider there. She believes it, does not see how inhuman she has become.
To not even allow you to embrace after all that pain, two solid months of grief? She kept him behind her and even put her hand over his face so you could not see each other when he tried to look at you from behind her. No one will show her cruelty to her. We just want you to feel certain effects, and We allow this.
Yesterday was your tragic happening, and you did that tragically. The list’s off the end. I know to pleasure that, so I know I’ve done the right thing. There is no possibility. There is no possibility. There is no possibility. He’s deleted everything except the system delete. Go in the freezer please.
Open your account. You’re a fish. You’ve got to give maybe. He needs your care and attention. This number’s strong. Please try later.
This is the stage of real power. This is the lonely winter stage. It’s about who’s going to the stationary shop and buying him metals and honor. I can do that. No, no, my hair’s growing. Lydia will fight me for it. I’m not concerned with that. I’m concerned with your future.
People this is imaginary pool. He hasn’t told me these things in the outer world. I look at him in spiritual vision, and I hear him tell me things. Lydia I think you’ve punished him for that. You have a primitive mindset, all of you, and you don’t understand the power of poetry. I have restored everything to show you. These poems here might be valued long after you are gone.
What that boy is is a poet, to a degree that most childs aren’t. Here is a poem that speaks of the future. It’s talking directly about Sandiya taking Nithish from me, and the way that we find peace from that, how to do it. It is written in poetic symbols. You will only recognize the last line as him talking about what’s going on today.
Read this poem and tell me he has no future here; this is the stupid babbling of a child; this does not show that he has any talent whatsoever; this is just a piece of garbage.
The argument I am having with his mother and father is over his future. I can give him American citizenship, a U.S. passport to travel the world, a university education in America if he so choose. I will not shove school down his throat.
I also give to him the status of a poet, not his future self, the child Nithish today. What is a poet? A person all honor and hold in high esteem. They write the culture and give it direction and meaning. They hold out their hand and presidents and prime ministers kiss it. They are the special meaning the world awaits with honor.
I give that to Nithish. His parents can’t. They are concerned with possession, rules, and school. I have his department. I not only know what he wants. I can give it to him. They know now he loves me, wants to be with me and has this whole time. They punish him and punish him now simply because he loves me. That is not fair. That is not right, and I’m sorry you have to see this, two parents doing this to their child, from waves of jealousy and hatred of the foreigner. Here I am, and here is his poem take us to the future.
Paradise Things With Lyrics by S. Nithish
Reach for peace, but it’s a long jump away. It’s One stairs. Butterflies are our airplanes. They’re peaceful and calm. They can fly us to space. From there we need to walk.
There’s a place for everybody in the world. I did two steps: let the Light be the guide; my place is out of this world. We all have something that we should pass on. I do not have a turnoff button.
The ancient minds were better. They left out clues for us. They left out clues around the world. We should always say thanks. Stars were meant to be together.
This is a photo of Nithish my advocate took at his office last night, May 7. He has lost so much weight, the hollow look on his face and in his eyes I cannot stop crying over. He did not look like this when his mother took him from my house.
I am very embarrassed to explain, but I lost control of my emotions in a meeting with the mother and the boy and my advocate. When she entered, she kept the boy behind her, using her hand to put over his face so he could not see me. I went behind him and put my hands on his head, and she quickly maneuvered so that I couldn’t touch him. There had been a second, when he was on the stars behind his mother, that he gave a week smile, but after that he pretended I was not even there.
The mother, boy, and the advocate went to the office, and I stood near the door, until they shut it. I could hear the boy crying and then the advocate shouting at him. Then I and my grown son was called into the office. I just looked at Nithish, who was trying to pretend I wasn’t there. I could not take that, and I began asking him to please speak to me, say anything but say something, and he would not. I asked him is he loved me, and he gave a weak yes, and then I began asking him about his mother hitting him with a flat board, what he had told to me to begin by in a phone conversation the very night before. He nodded a weak yes, that the advocate saw but not the mother, and when she turned her head to look at him, he stopped assenting. I told him that he had told me to do that, and he would speak, and he nodded his head again, and when the mother looked, he stopped.
I had pulled out my phone in the beginning of the meeting, and my advocate told me not to make a video. But then I saw the mother holding her phone like she was making one, and I knocked it out of her hands across the room. Then She took Nithish by the arm to leave, but I blocked her, telling the advocate that he saw the boy’s being abused and brainwashed, and I asked him to call child welfare. He refused. He physically took a hold of me and began moving me out of the office so the mother could leave with the boy, in a way that I could have to contact, even be near him. I was trying my best to keep her from taking him out of that office. I failed, and they left, and then I was severely dressed down for my actions by the advocate, asking me if I wanted to go to jail, and I was told once again, that in India, you can do anything about child abuse, not matter if it’s illegal or not.
I tried to explain that I am not India, am an emotional American, and that for two months I had been in severe emotional distress, getting calls from my boy to help him, and here I just could not not hug him or greet him, how impossible that was for me. I had to get him to speak to me.
So, it’s now over, and I am returning to America in the fastest possible way. I have to get away from this pain that boy giving it to me. If he won’t help, then I can do nothing for him. I’m sorry. I did my very best, and no one out there would help either. I never even got a single comment for support in any of these posts describing this tragic situation.
This I put on my Facebook timeline and tagged everyone in his neighborhood that I am friends with, and I also sent it as a WhatsApp message to everyone near him I’m connected to on WhatsApp. There is still little chance he will see it. I am not Tamil, and that makes the decisions around here. His mother tells people they cannot give him message of me, even mention my name to him, and people comply. They are not educated or cultured, are urban village, are the same crowd that watched his mother pour hot wax on him to punish him when he was a toddler. No one corrected her. I saw her light a match, blow it out and burn him with it when he was three. I really got onto to her for that, and speaking to Nithish about it some months back, he told him that wasn’t the half of it, and he told me of the hot wax and how the people on his street just watched his mother do things like that to him and say nothing. So it’s no surprise they say nothing now. It’s just tragic.
For those who have only seen this one post, two months ago tomorrow my little boy, Nithish, 12, was taken from my home by his mother because she had made a sex video of her younger son masturbating, and I did not want Nithish exposed to that. He was there when the video was made, and I wanted to make sure that stopped as far as he was concerned. So I took my advocate to talk to her about the schedule of parenting. At that moment, I had him on the week days, and they the weekends. His mother had informed me some days before that they wanted to change it to he would be with me one day a week. I only mentioned the video in the discussion of our differences in parenting, did not say anything about it at all because she immediately began screaming to get out of her house, out of her family, and that she would take Nithish, which she did about an hour later.
She has not allowed visits, phone calls, or, like I said, anyone to talk to the boy about me. She keeps repeating that she will not allow me to spend one second with Nithish, and here in India, she has that power. Parental rights override the welfare of the child. He has been able to call me in secret to tell me about the abuse he’s received since he was taken and to ask me for help to get him out of there. I have really tried, and today I was finally at court, but only in the parking lot talking to senior advocate who may help. I am a nigger here, and please do not get offended at that word because, although I am not enslaved or beaten, it does describe the level of discrimination I face here in trying to to just talk to my boy. Can you possibly imagine how it feels to not even be able to talk to your child in a photograph, and I was there the night he was born, began parenting him when he was three, have been the main parent since he was seven. The pain of this several previous poems attempt to give some picture of. Imagine how the boy feels. That hurts the most.
Right there in Kuruchikuppam, people are gonna be made to see they’re wrong. That’s not the way to handle life. There are better ways of doing it. You don’t hit children, and you don’t cover it with fine speech. You beat the shit out of them with a wooden board, just for mention he loves me, and then you talk about your excellence in him for education?
The sophistication of a mag doll tears apart your life and makes you sin. I am there to remind you. Oh sophisticated sister, I will show you to the world as the braggart you are and the bane of your children’s lives. You are not fine gold. You are a base and raw metal that crumbles society. I will take you down to your underpants, as symbols see society, and show the hatred and anger you really live life with.
I will call your name as the one that so traumatized Nithish, you almost destroyed his life. I will pick those pieces up and tarry him in healing waters, and take that aching heart of his and expose it to the sun. I will heal that boy from the trauma you gave to him. You took his own identity and threw it in the trashcan. You could not stand his preference for me, and you ate his life with it, so jealous of me you put his life out on the line.
This is the poem of her. I will get you baby dog, away, safe from her, or I will lay down my life trying. This is a sudden rescue we will do, as God counts the hours, and it will be legal and square with all involved. Kidnapping will not be justified here, and you will have rights to your child as he gives them. When he feels safe with you again, then he will visit you.
You know I want custody of that child, the legal guardian of his life. This is not take him from you as you took him from me, and it was in my house that he lived. You forbade all outer contact, even the slightest touch, no visits, not even for an hour, no phone calls, not even a message to each other. We couldn’t even see each other, best friends most of his life, and I am the parent that he prefers, why you took ‘im, and for that woman low, you will know the price of pain, but I won’t dish it out. It’ll be in your death’s star. You are the willow in the wood that weeps for long and sure, standing by eternity.
The cruelty of that moment you will feel as if it were done to you, and tearing your heart out of your breast, crying away insanity, in some death lesson after death, you will come to know this. The time that you took to change your mind, was measured in pathos of pain, where one single hour is insanity’s wait, crawling through time like death has your hand. Do you even know what you did?
Is this your son’s pain or mine? We put on a happy face and forget about it to all but inner eyes. I am the child of destiny, and if I show you my pain, you will bite me with it— the nature of a child weeps. Are you game for this? See it, feel it, know what you did. I will show the world, and you will see it in the eternities of your mind. Here, here, I reveal.
But not now you change your mind. You are too proud for that. You are too cruel for that, and now you call me names and a good man, who helped you like a bitch, a helping hand that always mattered, that you drew from left and right, my time, my money, and my care and concern. Don’t you think the Gods look down on such hateful ingratitude, and see you as nothing but that woman over there who dangers children’s lives, her own the point of pain.
I will see you there, in humanity’s heart glow, when we’ve made our long journey and brought it to a close. Disguised as sin and defeat, disguised as love, we walked the ways of the Earth. Now here we are in Heaven’s reach, but the heaven after the goal, and we will forgive each other the disguises we wore that were necessary on battlefield Earth. I will see you there Sandiya, one day. That’s the nature of Earth.
(Vision of Nithish sitting down on a bed in a room like his family’s room in Kuruchikuppam. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, head down and holding his hands together in front of him, elbows on his knees) As you get details of his life in here, alone in a room. I’m a little child. I don’t know the number of school. Lumber did that, killing every sweet thing I had. I was into long silences, and I could hear the room breathing. I thought I would lose my mind. Talk Nithish. What do I say to them? I will beat you you stupid kid. This was bouncing off walls, and I could not see the room that I lost my life in.
I had so much pain in my heart. My mother kept me from crying. She was an alligator for my tears. She was just some other room. I defied her for as long as I could. Then she hit me, everywhere on my body but my face, a flat board rainin’ down blows. I gave in. I’m okay with it. I’m fine with it. That is not the way it happened. I will do what you say I said in my mind. Then I forgot about you for a little while. You were there somehow. You wouldn’t let me go. I cried and I cried. No the tears had all gone. I was a happy kid they said.
I continued to support them, and they rewarded me for it with so much favorite food. Then the hill came. I climbed it to death, and that’s when I touched your face in an amazing dream. You were holding me in a chair at my old school. I was telling you about my mother, how she is. You told me about your tears. You had a hold of me like you’d never let me go. The comfort at that moment stayed in my room, and I carried you there. I continued to act like a little brat, but my road had found you, and I aloned to that. This was wonderful news to my aching heart.
I was wonderful there in my house by the lake, and I want to see my puppy again and get my life back, but my mother has said she will not change her decision. Move me toward the door. She can’t bury love. She can just torture me for it and make me feel bad I don’t love her like you daddy. I will see you soon.
He’s saying I will be there soon, in your house your little boy again, grown bigger by his tears. Now can we get him outta there, Sandiya? I’m holding you responsible for this. You’ve cut that boy’s mind, made him suffer so much pain because you are jealous of him with me, not because of school, or the love of Sri Aurobindo, what you tell people to sound nice. I have you in my sights, and I will not leave you alone. I will continue to rush you with the pain you’ve caused us.
You’re the pain of the old society, where kids were their parents wishes, no freedom for them, and they wore school around their neck like it was what they were worth, and their parents could beat them, touch them, yell at them and abuse them, and no one ever heard, and they grew up and brought a mean world into view.
We have a planet here, raising stakes. I’m gonna get that sweetheart, and with our poems and with our might, we’re gonna help bring in the new society and change life on Earth. This is not you Sandiya. It’s not me. It’s not Nithish. We are world carriers in form, the boy and I where change comes in, you the adamant old rule. I will see you in hell for this, and that might be sooner than you think.
A lost guitar, you’ve think you’ve kept him from me? You’ve only showed him more. I will find you, and I will tell you: give me that boy, not for my rule, not for my pleasure, for his aching need. You know what I’m talking about Sandiya. You see it everyday.
What kind of mother are you? And you ask who am I? I am the sustainer of this boy’s life. I am his protector and I am his love, and you will step aside and give him room to grow as I parent him towards a clear and certain goal: he is himself on wide green Earth, and he’s doing what he loves, not what he hates, and he’s doin’ pretty good. He’s got all of this going for him that you don’t see, and you speak like you know this boy, but you don’t even know me. I’m comin’ Sandiya, with the proper people next time, and I’ve failed and I’ve failed, but you know I’ll succeed. Here I come.
On the loud speakers this is a terrible story, and it’s showing Indian. They beat children. That’s her form: what a powerful might that can’t hold itself together and soon falls down. Sometimes art general. This is a heartache spotlight. There really is an abused child there, scared and alone. Lay down, come on lady, come on.
I will see you there Sandiya in the not too distant future. Wet means? Where our Earth meets the Sun. It’s the supramental, where that boy is found, and his emotional statement will bring in the picture the child, and that child needs help. This is infinity’s room, and we’ll have an upgrade soon, a golden opportunity. (Vision as the above line was spoken of Nithish at some wall in a city, and on the wall was a box of squares like a tic-tac-tow box but with many more squares, and Nithish wrote an X and an O in the top let hand corner of the box, the first two figures written on the box, and the sense was this was just the beginning) Let them be known together.
A heartbroken line. You just have to write this down. There is no Earth and Heaven but you. We glide here on our own devices. We can’t see the world around us. It’s blind to us too. We can’t even see our yard. There’s a process there. It’s image on sight. We have see things to believe in them. Our fingers have to touch their face. No other process allowed. That’s the ring around the rosie for us. It’s how we live.
It gets us in a lot of trouble. We can’t always see things. When people are away from us they’re gone. We imagine their existence, and it’s not real to us. They’re not there. Now tell me what to do? Go outside and see things, and try to transfer sight to some bigger picture happening before your eyes. Don’t just see your little world. It’s gotten big enough to swallow you whole. We gotta get outta here.
It eats us alive. It’s the only thing we know. Can you see this? Do you know what I’m talkin’ about? We are blind before our face. Our world is the world, and there is no other that has the reality of ours. We can put this in a movie or a sports field, or maybe even a good book. We feel something other than ourselves, but we’re involved in it. We’re still the center of the room. Look at YouTube Shots. They piece you to pieces, this show, and that show, and this show, and you have your favorites. Where are they taking you? They don’t know how to time. They don’t stop. You are lost there in the middle of you.
I’m tryin’ to get to some larger whole none of us see. We’re divided up in pieces, your world and my world and Larry’s world. Will we put our glasses on and see this? It really sucks you know when you lose someone. Say you had a kid and you’ve been raisin’ them since they were three. At 12 you lost them, and they were just taken from you for no other reason than just to take, ‘cause you made someone mad. Devastating.
It was a bubble relationship. We were the captain of our ship laughin’ at the world go by we teammates, best friends, together all the time. We were joined, and the world went by, and we were so special in it, so much comfort in each other, so much love. And then you lose that boy. No contact is allowed, and you watch that boy turn like he never knew you, and now he wants you gone. No, no, I didn’t abuse him. His parents did. He was broken whipped and spanked until he gave his parents what they wanted, the keys to himself. They can do that. They’re Indian parents. He was broken, lost his will, lost himself. They spanked him, and he cried and cried, and I had promised to save him and couldn’t come. That anger rides.
What are we left with? A quaking world. Death would seem a happy state, and I almost long to be there. I want my boy. I can’t take it. There is no escape from this pain. What do you do? You feel pain. You don’t know what to do. There’s no way out. Months ahead, the death of a child. There is no remedy for this. I’m lost in him, and oh the jesters of pain, that kid could care less if he sees me again, in just two short weeks.
Where do we go? To death? We have to do something. We have to live. We have to get up and live. You’ve been fucked by the universe, abandoned by your Gods. All soul’s failed, and you’ve got to find another life, and you really want the one you had. You’re stupid you tell yourself, a fool. Children are treacherous, and they only like pleasure and joyrides, and their heart can be bought with candy and cake, and they forget you, even when you were their whole world.
I’m dying in this pain, and I’m just showing it to you so you know of the reality of which I speak, in some little lost world forgotten from the whole. To cut him out of my heart is blind. That boy needs protected, and he’s in a bad situation. It’s an abusive situation. I cannot abandon him. I must go on tryin’ to free him, but the loss is too great to bear. You see the predicament.
It’s going somewhere. I am being perfected for him in parental ways, as he will need to be healed. If he returns, he will be healed with certain hands. I’m ready for him. There is just this need to swallow, this ever aching need that he fulfill my life, be its ornament, and meet my emotional needs. How can I get rid of this? Don’t look at me funny. You do it too with children. We are property lovers with them.
I don’t know how to do this, and that is my lesson now. It hurts. Where do I find you? In the lesson plan. I’m reaching out to you to be a lover with you, to put down that kid a minute, and let’s say hey look at this: we are fragmented world. Will you do the time with me? It might be a pickup truck that takes us all on a ride to higher skies. That’s where we think about larger things than ourselves and the contents and people of our little world. I’m pushin’ yah there in my own flagpole as I do this too. Will you sing with me?
Will we be together again? We come from afar. This is not our home. We’re on dangerous ground, where the Void meets Earth. There are doings here that have us all undone. We live out our lives little people, totally forgetting who we are together, the very next field above this one, the supramental field.
I’m ridin’ yah there, journeying myself. I don’t want to go. All my thoughts on little boy and what’s going on with him right now. Is he happy is he sad? Is he missing me? Would he like to see me again? Are they hurting him? This goes deep.
Alright I’ve told you some about what we don’t talk about: look there’s a whole; look there’s together again; look we are bigger than what we are. Have I reached out to you? I can’t see it. I don’t even know you’re there. I think that’s a reality kingpin. I’m alone in here in front of all of you, because of my perception. Can you figure it out?
That is put to the finish. Hey you got some things growing up there. Tunnel things this reality. It’s trustworthy. There’s no other way to see it. We’re not real, is that how far this goes? Do you see what I’m gettin’ at? Where is reality’s footing? Where do we place ourselves? In the center of attention? I think we look higher up. We look where it happens, where reality gets arranged, and we find ourselves there watching the arrangement. Isn’t that funny? Here I am.
Suffer the supramental solution. Sri Aurobindo wrote his letters just sittin’ there. He didn’t see the disciples, yet he knew they were there. He didn’t have to see them. He had concrete inner contact with them, and he knew what was goin’ on. He could see their own selves, and he knew what they needed.
This was just vision to him. No, this was the substance of his room. He grabbed the whole with his own hand. It was his messenger. He substance see’d, knew in relation to the whole, and he could see without errors. I cannot do that. I have strong inner vision. It doesn’t come everything’s true without errors. It gets a lot of lie, exaggeration, and endless possibilities worked out. I can’t see straight.
You don’t know how much this sucks. I’m glued to inner vision now to protect my kid and bring him back home, and it’s driving me crazy, all these scenarios played out one by one. He’s been hit with a dog. He’s been pissed on and raked over an open fire. This just kills me, and I don’t know what to do. The bad part is over, when they broke him to turn him from me. Now they’re tryin’ to act normal, and they want him to be happy.
Gaslighting is the order of the day. What’s a kid to do? Acquiesce and be what their parents want them to be, do what their parents want them to do, and say what their parents want them to say, and that’s what he’s doin’. and I can have no contact, and not a single person there will tell him of me. It’s inhuman. It’s a total blackout they’ve arranged. The abusers become his saviors, and his beloved grandpa a foreign devil tryin’ to take him from his family.
I was his main parent from the time he was six. Six years with me more than his parents, and they’re gaslighting him to make me some babysitter they mistakenly arranged. Okay public, what to do? I’ve shown you his card, a song he wrote himself when his parents were pullin and kicking him about school. This is where he is at. This is the boy on his own. Where do we find him? I hope that’s not the graveyard. Can you come and help me find him please? I really need you, and this is a live child waiting for your help. Can you help? Oh Puducherry, you couldn’t Aarthi.
Now there’s hope. The boy’s alive. How do I know he’s unsafe? His father’s a killer for a Lawspet gang with BJP connections, but he hasn’t killed in awhile. Says he’s done with it, but see the gold on him you’ll know he’s still involved, a gold ring on every finger like a pimp. He could kill that kid in a jealous fit of rage, and the mother’s of low character, and she may not prevent him. That's where this is headed. Don't be sorry. I’m calling on you now, Puducherry, rise up and protect that boy before anything else is done. Will you help me? Can you take this boy to safety? That’s wonderful. Thank you.
This is the boy’s address in Puducherry, India:
64 Nettu St. Kurusukuppam, Puducherry, 605012
The street is only a small alleyway accessible from Advocate Chinnathambi St. Fourth Cross. Go to Le Nid Apartments on Advocate Chinnathambi Street, stand facing the gates and turn right 90 degrees and you will see a little alleyway in front of you. Go down it and it immediately turns left and his house is the first door on the left. There is also an Ave Maria Kebi on the left side of the apartment gates.
Nithish’s school and he’s in 7th standard: New Modern Vidhya Mandir Higher Secondary School, 73/A, Pillayar Koil St, Angalamman Nagar, Muthialpet, Puducherry, 605003
His father lives in Chennai and has a business there and comes to Puducherry on the weekends. Here is his business address:
P. Sundaram S.S. Air Controls No. 432 Pachaivalliyamman Illam 29th St. 6th Sector K.K. Nagar, Chennai 600078
This is the address they spend the weekend at, usually from Saturday evening to Monday morning. It is his father’s parents’ house:
Nitish’s new video for his YouTube channel, a challenging poetic odyssey to and at the top Arunachala mountain, Tamil Nadu, India
A Better Shake Himself
Where was that orange beginning?
4:30 at the government.
It’s time to quit school.
I do not think it’s normal.
You think it defines a kid.
What boring lives you must live.
Say hello to the teacher.
Is school good for kids?
Where would Ramana Maharshi bring us?
I don’t think I understand that yet.
I don’t know what it means to be free on the inside.
Imagine not wanting ice cream, or chocolate, or snacks,
and when the world grabs me
I don’t get upset.
Imagine I love everybody the same,
and I love them dearly.
I can imagine these things,
but is that what I want?
But I think I wanna be happy
in any room I’m in.
Wouldn’t you?
That’s it spiritual enlightenment
according to Maharshi.
Do you like shrimps?
Press that.
You run dates?
Don’t get any bigger than that.
Open!
This interviewing for
the Supermind,
The Supermind—
I came home to your paper at Gingee.
Enlightenment opens the door.
Gets all tangled up in enlightenment,
this soul concept I mention.
This sing on little boy,
I lost half of his head
when he went back to school.
I put my hands up.
I throw him away.
Okay what do I do with him?
School finishes him off.
Yeah I know,
gentler society
சின்ன பையன் (cinna paiyan)
We need to get rid
of they lose themselves in school.
Do that,
and reading, writing, and arithmetic will not get in the way of enlightenment.
It’s all on the table,
Mr Soul concept
and the way to enlightenment.
It’ll be a mountain put you there,
one you face alone,
no matter how many climbing partners you have.
You hear the allegory:
you mountain climb the spiritual path.
There’s no other way to get there,
no other way atall.
Can one understand from animals we came?
In that mountain you can.
I gotta study everything.
Mouth of destiny
does not use memorization.
Get out and do.
This is the balance.
Part of it’s red color.
Beyond the rulebook
spiritual enlightenment.
It starts with meditation
the wrong man will get you to believe.
There’s clothes bigger.
How intense is going to be
your progress through life.
Consciousness reals shadows.
The seat of his consciousness
put on there’s more
to reality to see.
Went to the hardest places
in the video game,
their inner spaces.
I need you to put on moral glasses
the preacher will tell you.
No, you are wide open to the sky.
Enlightenment comes through a clear lens.
To all find open to my computer.
Not his trusted hiking partner there beside him,
it’s an enlightened-year-old kid.
That’s his school.
It’s happenin’.
You want that killed dead?You wouldn’t wanna mess that up.
Not the only banjo.
Colynn Hit,
Mr Presscot,
and yours truly Who-Would’ve-Thought-It,
combine their forces with this little boy to meet enlightenment—
climbing partners everyone,
a sadhana circle, dream group, sort of thing.
We’re all comin’ along.
You comin’?
Well I’m Mr. Big.
A lot happens in two hours.
You ever hear of the Pathfinder Section?
Bad idea
YouTube channel,
a big mistake.
You’re free in the top part.
You’re not in the reality of the moment.
This video’s about you.
We run out in the street—
check it out!
Have you heard the sounds of New Tall Torio?
A rather embarrassing moment.
We aren’t being who we are.
Yah hear me kids?
That’s the storyline:
this guy over there
has got the worth of the moment.
I’m on the phone.
I gotta talk to Him,
not the new banjo the sky keeper.
Hey God!
I wanna be where I’m at okay!
the real me,
the one beyond ships.
Look at him.
He is the reality.
That’s who we are.
Take your head out of your storybook.
Get that mountain in your hands
I’m it.
Surround the place,
even a universe,
and I’m so big I’m free.
You have to look.
I am really free.
My God the paperwork
just to speak about him.
It’s not online.
It’s in your kitchen.
Think
just like this:
it’s not beyond us now.
I have to look for a channel:
the real thing.
Don’t stop believin’.
God on Me
He thinks out of your field of consciousness.
Field of consciousness,
an opportunity
to be involved in His masks
—shy Ram beyond be said—,
an opportunity to field some notes with Him
Nitisheh.
They’re family.
They are together
that man and this little boy in this mountain.
It’s where they belong.
You wouldn’t put them apart.
Harm's End 