feature image by Dhina on the occasion of my 61th birthday this year
A tale like you wanna know. [vision of the title being introduced like a movie is on TV or at the movies, it appearing in the center of the screen, the line sounding, and this line sounding as the vision faded] Put spiritual in there. I’m talking to a Dumbledorf: who are you friend who almost had him killed? How exceedingly lovely. I don’t blame him. He looks different Dombledorf. He looks connected. There might be. [vision of a small otter-human-like creature’s head coming up out of a small square pool of water and looking up at me and saying the line, the pool the irrigation tank where Nitish swims but not in the location it actually is] The answer’s not complete. Tryin’ to help. I feel so inadequate at the task. I just sit here and write. We would reach in and pull sincerity out, but I’m at a halt in myself, and I don’t know where to begin. I can’t capture this page. I can only tell you what it says. We are mountains from molehills. I’ve done things with your memory all the while holding sincerity in my hand. I think I’ve lifted the curtain of existence and shown you what’s inside. I revealed my room. A lot goes on there. And the world is in my room staring at me. I can’t put it down. Where would I be without you? And I can’t get at that you. When I meet you on the street you’re just another person to me. I glow with this, hold you around the feelings of my mind that we may meet. Death do us in. I can’t champion this. I hold you in my arms and cry when you press too hard against me with a sad story of yours I’ve encountered through public media. I don’t know how to make you go away. I feel the group like it’s my own soul, yet you banish me and call me names. I don’t know what to do with this. It hurts, and I don’t think there are ears in your heart. I spend myself on them. I think we’ve gone beyond good and evil. I think we’re just human beings here. Can you tell me how to get along with you and still be myself? I don’t know how to make you feel what I feel. I can’t take my heart out and show it to you. I pull words outta my heart, and you can’t see the symbol for the words. I’m a dead delivery. I’d like to smile, having your social hand, but you won’t give it to me. Where do I find you in disease? I don’t have to wait long. You would spit in my eye if I came too close, and I mean so well for you. I was taken down. I looked at him. The idea I think he’s beauty with is feelin’ the whole. I come to read him. I find solace here. I’m taken to the top of myself. I see and understand I have depths. I would just like him to be alive, continue writing verse. He means something to me. He’s a wild space in the world yet that hasn’t been taken out. He does not kiss ass. We don’t want to see him get in trouble. He is right there in our taboos a guiding light. You don’t know strange men. They will test your boundaries. They are not a shake off. They come to see you definitely. These questions, they’re for answers. We don’t ask them just to say please. They’re all around us now, ardently studying who we are. I’m a voice in that multitude. I could get better answers. I fought with meaning to break it open, and the world fell into place. I grapple with it now. I mean I hold it in my hands and sing to it the poetry of the school. This is beyond answers. It’s just basking with you in the warm sunshine of our being. It’s weird to be alive. There’s so much that shines on my nose. You know what I mean. I could run amuck plucking at things, just bein’ led by the nose. Symbol imagery, I mean the world with that, and I’m stupid. I show you myself too much, but that’s what makes vulnerable the strength that it is. You trust me. I’m happily so much more than show business. I reveal things to you. They come from the sky. I hold them in my hand and paint this page with them. The moonlight of their starshine glows iridescent. I spend them in hours of verse. It looks like we have another day. I’m selfish. Get out of your closet. Tell us everything. Gave the world a black eye did yah? Bring your wife and kids. Come with me now. I sit at risk, write a ledger of emergency. I’m trying to show the way out. Will you join me? No confessions for this place please. You don’t tell the cops what you did. We will not ask the law to get us. We want to overcome the law, so it’s not rigid it’s human. How do you know they’re not here? They’re gonna work with him, unfortunate souls that need a time out. You can do this in your living room. Where are you? I was just in that kitchen spot, tryin’ to collect all the ears that help you outta this. Let me be your emotional man. Let me find the way out. Even the cigarette a lot of the times light up the temple. You’re kidding me. You would go to bat for me? You would show me the way out? Aren’t you a confession machine? Wouldn’t you tell on me and limit the ways I trust you? You’re just not smart. You expose yourself. My existence depends on me. Can you tell me society cares? I’m just a target. No, no, don’t go back there. Come out and breathe awhile clean air. Don’t you wanna feel good? Some kid came daddy and rode me monster. I don’t understand. This is a social dilemma. Can we handle being people? Where’s the living room? Is it full of vice and TV? What’s got you fascinated? I don’t know how to show you this. You gotta get outta that. Alright, he’s just not a problem you understand. Until you understand him you can’t do anything with him. Even my problem, we go awhile with each other. We learn the lampoon sticks out. How do we stick this in chocolate? We fold ourselves. We learn to let go of the spoon. We challenge ourselves with bright horizons. You come together on the role you need to play who is behind you. Can you see an island? Challenge yourself with more than yourself. Study your room. It will take you there. It’s hitting me. To turn around, made a turn. I got outta cars. I stopped doing bullshit. How does this happen in science? We need to see our disease, and then get going. It’s 10 a.m. We need to apply pressure to the program. Can you representative breathe? You can have it, lunch treatment. It’s always good for you. Are you sure you know yourself? Do you know you’re real? An actor, that’s just the part that says hello, drive basically. It’s who you think you are. Is the wonder at coyote? Is the world not real? That’s somebody to get hurt. You need to tell them you’re sorry. Put it on the difficulty what had me. Buckle up, honey any moment now you’re to get theft or hurted. We’re just not here. We’ll levity rehearse. [vision of three or four black and white photographs I couldn’t make out, the last one I could, one of a girl of indeterminate age in a white ballet tutu on a stage doing an exaggerated curtsy] Don’t rob yourself with identity. You are not you. You’re a field in a play. You get along you understand. That taller You you’ll find one day. She doesn’t care. She’s a dysfunctional human being. Don’t equate her with your room. Be a baby unto your room. How are you? It was more about Joe than the rest of us realize. You’re free to discuss this. You’re free to dance. You are as important as the President in the inward bowels of ourselves. You are a process dip into forever. You make it happen, the representative figure you are. You’re changin’ lives by ever bein’ yourself. You’re gettin’ bigger all the time if you reach in and find yourself not the author of the program. My God this world has ways in it. It’s mind-boggling. This should keep you busy for a lifetime. Okay stop putting your identity on your name, on that little figure you are, and understand your importance in the scheme. I went downstairs and I told him play. David actually feels like somebody, but way was he tryin’. Somehow this triangle has evolved from multiple scores. You are not who you are, but you’re more than that. You blindfold wisdom and chop it in half. I wanna explain to you all none of this is happening. Do you see the horror? You see the relationship. You’re a salt on the Void to bring out its something. You’re doing nothing but complaining. Don’t complain. We’re high animals. We’ve got this world goin’. It’s our livelihood. We hate everything. It’s not that bad. It’s quite good actually. We’re here, and we’re alive. Okay we ain’t free. We can’t have everything. but everything’s coming. We just have to land first. We can manage from here. It’s got Goldilocks on it, until we find the horses that put on planet right. Hey dude I want yah to know out your brains I’m gonna blow. We’re just forlorn that’s all. Winter’s comin’, and we need to be prepared. We’re a little nuclear holocaust here, a little nuclear holocaust there, but nothin’ gets us outta the way. We retain civilization. Any homeland, any way of raisin’ children, we’re gonna have to come to the dice and end up eliminatin’ all of them. The better way of bein’ human, it ain’t out yet. I’m tryin’ to tell you what’s goin’ on, but you’ve climate changed my answers, and they don’t get to the public. I’ve got a whole host of answers, the nitty-gritty college details of existence to help you survive. I won’t be here. This is a future log. I’ll see you later. Fascinating, I think you just said the peace. Could it be the color of my skin the audience is a thimbleful? Where’s that little Seventh Manager welcome spectacular? Don’t look now, They’ve got a buffalo for yah. The Gods must be crazy. Mother you with this? The stairway’s there. You have the purple stairwell. Turn those shoes; let Me turn them, the stairwell’s up. Ride handsomely. That’s a wrap up with my own medicine.