Take a Measure to Your Pants

photos by the author
Reality bag to boot,
and don’t try to gaslight me,
you tin can,
you person with a limited worldview.
I’m a marshmallow?
I’m starin’ down your throat.

How would you tell the unevolved ape he’s sorry,
the animal on pedestals
we’re sure we’re at?
I don’t think this is off the press yet:
the animals we are we don’t see.
Our understanding’s dim.

Our understanding’s wrong.
Everything you see is a placeholder
for a deeper reality.
We take the surface act as true.
Hidden deep within
are the origins of the outer scene.
Watch them rise,
if you can interpret dream.

Where does this knowledge bring us?
The field today
an inner necessity.
My that hurts.
My that’s brown,
and we see the origin of evil
in the clash of forces that make a universe,
nothingness made alive
and its answer to its painful start.

We have to see this to be made whole,
to put darkness from us
and bring in light.
Yours is the surface view,
reality in tatters,
the clash of individuals
that makes the human field.

You want to heal from wrong
done to you?
Open up the availability of Earth inside of you,
and that is spiritual process,
and I’m speaking from that place now.
How deep inside yourself you have to go to find healing.
It’s one with world act.
It’s one with universal means.

Okay silence me now
I am not in individual shares?
I stand on the function of reality?
I want accountability for reality?
I see the larger picture?
I think we can heal better than we do?
I see healing as an operation of oneness?
I don’t see an absolute separation between perpetrator and victim
in the area of wrongdoing?

Is this state of the art,
your method of dealing with this,
your crack on the wall?
Let’s break that wall down
and recover healing.
Is that is your mission today,
or is it all about accountability and identity of the individual?
You good there,
or are you cutting off your nose to spite your face?

Peter Parker
knows the score.
He’s an actor for a larger reality than his.
Buddhist reasoning throws it all away,
every bit of reality.
Merge in some distant Absolute,
and we’re done,
never mind the compassionate vow.
It’s all an illusion.

Can you get healing that way:
it don’t matter?
Throw on the world’s shoes
when faced with crisis,
is that what you’re doin’ here?
No, only talk about survivors and accountability.

Is this a Buddhist precept?
Is it in the jaws of enlightenment?
A reduced goal
in this examination Buddhist wounds.
What is the larger context?
A path to enlightenment.

Is that an impossible goal?
Has that happened to anyone?
Momentarily yes me,
and even people in the permanent state,
more than a few,
less than many.
Survivors of sexual abuse,
that’s the Buddha’s role,
that’s everything grist for the mill?

Supposed to go back home.
The ground nature of reality,
the emptiness of the I,
the way back in there from the world,
the complete absorption
in infinity,
the oneness that begets everything,
that’s cry wolf?

Wow, suppressed realities,
can we call them in the world today?
Visibility
exploded into silence
in this decade.
I expect full censorship.

Practice ill will on people and I’ll persist,
and it’s the closest thing
tellin’ people to be quiet.
When I read a paper,
and it’s just rose-colored glasses
the wearer’s wearin’ on themself,
I fill my room with creativity
in order that you might see better.
Confounded me,
I see myself better.
Is that the osprey?

An adult woman went public with a story of being a victim of sexual abuse so to get accountability from the organization where she was a novice in training to be a Buddhist nun. Her alleged abuser was her immediate teacher, an ordained Buddhist nun. She shares her story on YouTube and on a Buddhist-oriented website as an open letter.

It bears noting that they voluntarily left the monastery they were at in order to live together as a lesbian couple, which they did for some time, and that twice supervisors at the monastery asked the novice about the nature of the relationship between her and the nun, and she lied and said it was nonsexual, and that she was initiating their secret meetings in the forest for extra help in her studies. The former novice is framing the story in terms of and in the language of the Me Too movement, in terms of the individuality of human actors and not of holism.

The poem above is written to the owner of that website, who answered all the comments left for the former novice. The poem below is written to the former novice, and the website owner deleted it when I posted it. He also deleted a prose comment I posted in reply to his deletion of my poem and about the restrictions he placed on comments to her story. The above poem came the day after the poem below, before I knew he’d deleted the poem below, and I decided not to even try to post it and posted a prose comment instead, which, as I explained, also got deleted, what the above poem predicts, “full censorship.”

Rebirth
Precepts open home,
watch that public sharing.
Are you a freight train?
Whose right are you on?
You’re voicin’ grievances.
That’s for your benefit or ours?

Are you in the halls of social media for self-improvement?
Have you gathered the whole of us
in everything you think and do,
in every minute of your worldview?
Where is lone on moon,
where you make us better with your speech?

Exploratory has consequences
when it’s wanted redress for wrong
and not to shoulder humanity.
I’m a samsara of wrongs committed.
I want to reach healing’s reach.
I’m a product of fellatio in infancy.
My mom and her mouth,
the power was undeniable,
but the demon in the room had more,
my imaginary playmate I saw and felt.
His reality would change the stars,
and evil would have a new name:
we are its boxers not its originators.

How deep do you go?
You are a surface act in time?
No whole moves your ship?
We are alone individuals
on the inside,
left to make or break in matter’s wall?
We all heave to the same will,
and it’s only half our own.
We are a collective fist,
but who is personally responsible?

My mother was not all the game,
but I need her help to heal,
and she did that reluctantly.
Oh my God was I a baby to blame?
This is all torn up,
what deep necessity of being causes harm.
I think the religions say it:
the world is a redemption;
we are not here just to be animals in springtime;
we have a responsibility to our Earth
to overcome ourselves,
to get bigger than what we are,
to heal our broken wounds.

Okay there is no continuity of this self
other than the atoms’ flow,
or a speakeasy in time
we continually visit with every beat of our heart.
Even without that booger,
variability of soul evolving through lifetimes,
you can grasp yourself and heal,
let the sun shine in,
but I am a booger eater let me tell you,
and I graph on a sense of humor
to this gravity of being.

What deep necessity of soul,
or world process art,
has picked up your aspiration and thrown it in the dirt?
It is only a variety of evil,
whatever clothes it may wear?
Can you get the jump on it?
Have you been waylaid in your spiritual process
to find another,
or have you been challenged in the depths of yourself
to come up with a better plan
than the ego is leader of life,
and violating it determines all?

Do you hear the magic horn
crossing thresholds
and putting light on the subject?
Will you hear anybody at all
who comes up with another plan
than spilling this out to the world,
every detail you can think of,
to give your innocence in all this
and us say yes, yes,
get at them boogers?
Ride literary.

Passion of the Rainbow

Selfie a few days before my 65th birthday, which is today
What is a hands-on prayer?
Full of spiritual philosophy,
do this, don’t do that,
I won’t bring you to lunch.
I won’t even put my arse on the toilet.

Oh you offended seekers read on.
Can I hold God in my hands
the stadium of this moment,
in the guttural process be?
I don’t know where we begin.

I can’t find my soul
the laughable, lovable life I’m having.
All love is taken from me by death
and weary,
and I can’t find joy on the sun.
I can’t even find life.

I have split my mind
with silence ineffable,
sat for a moment in that nameless place
beyond Earth’s ego.

I have even climbed the heavens
in a seconds’ ride
to the space beyond stars
and sat in my true self.

I am not here to complain of God and soul.
You would not believe me anyway.
I want to meet God with life can I?
Not in a station up there,
but down here in living flesh
that does not appear an illusion.

I want to mate time with life,
and it doesn’t hurt or get boring.
Fill me with woods now I’m clean.
I’m on your dresser drawer
vying for true spirituality,
not plaudits,
not wise sayings,
not moral admonishments.

I wanna set myself on fire with the living God
and be down to earth and warm,
not disdaining life,
not rejecting it.
I want heaven on earth.
Do you?

My voice recording
realized ages ago
a tale had to be told.
Pardon me.

How many have drowned and seen God?
It’s not in your litmus paper,
fireballs from heaven.
I’m just this silly nigger among you.
I’m not allowed to cook at your ashram
or say grace
at a potluck dinner.

What do I do with community?
Everybody’s competin’ for the same pair of eyes.
It’s not pronounced yet,
but these are God’s love eyes.
How many hypocrites wear ‘em?
I just wanted the field to say.

I can’t get over myself.
I feel the claustrophobia of Don.
I feel the pain of the world.
You market too.
I know it.

I’m stuck in this little person
having bigger thoughts than I am.
I have seen beyond the veil,
but I walk the creek and cry for my dog,
where she put her paws.

I crawl through the fucking hours just like you,
listening for a laugh.
I’m not a kingpin.
The joke’s on me.
I hug the hours
what is this shit worth?
But I want comfort from them you know.

I caught God in a torrent
of this space is mine.
I plant my feet and sigh God,
wonderful to have this world guarding moment.

This just eats my lunch,
the walls of the present moment
that won’t let me see the eternal now.
I’m stuck in flesh.
I cannot climb out of this shell.
I cannot get beyond myself.

You laugh at me and point fingers,
or feel the compassion the sage feels
seeing truant man,
but I hold commerce with the universe,
and I am crowded with deity on the tip of my pen.

They holler at me in the world
and grab my hand,
and I know the stench of devils
and feel their blind assaults.

I hold my head up high in the pit of night
and do sadhana.
I call God down into my house
and know the wretched I have been,
and it’s with bowed head and extended prayer
I cry to the heavens God.
Come bake with me will you
God on earth.

Such limited character changes development.
I’m not a rosy fire-kingdom.
My sadhana is my pedestal
I balance the present moment on
to keep in those thin parameters
the divine name
only mystery speaks,
a firm and fast bewilderment
at the thoughts of God
taking shape
in the world in front of me.

All else assails there.
All else comes from there,
or I am robbed there
by my own insufficiencies.
Why do I play in the yard?
I ask zero that question
and grab myself by the balls and move on.

I’m in line with the Earth,
and I don’t throw the Earth away to meet God.
The Earth is myself,
and we are all climbing out of the Void.

I hold identity with the Earth,
come rain or shine,
and that’s how we form Earth,
together,
encompassing the world to find God,
reaching out of the universe to bring God here,
hands-on God,
the eyes that we look out of
and the hands that we use.

Needs spiritual experience
wants the dragon response back to his house.
Who’s pic do you follow?
Hands on fate now.
It’s time to get past
lawsuits.

You just comb what was expected of you.
I challenge the world
and then pick my nose.
My overdo’s, my out of dates.
[vision with the line of Sri Aurobindo seated looking at me in one of the last photos of him taken]
photo by Henri Cartier-Bresson, 1950, courtesy of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram
He’s got a principle pair.
He’s bigger than skylight.
He’s my guru,
has a leading voice in my poetry,
is the principle behind my music,
is who I look to for divine change.

He’s open-minded and warm,
and I been with ‘im a long time.
I do inner contact sadhana,
right before your eyes.

I don’t sit and guess upon the world.
I get my hand held,
but I’m a rebellious student.
I question and accuse,
lift mine eyes to the heavens
and tell the Gods off.

I give him a hard time.
I hold him to his task,
am livid and rude sometimes,
but I love him dearly
and follow him on nails.

You don’t know what’s been asked of me,
the role I have to carry.
There is no forgiveness among men,
nor mercy
for being left out in the cold.

I am principle love.
Not a person has it really.
I put you to the test.
You only care the pool of men.
The love of God you distain,
yet I go on,
wearing the vermillion caste mark,
the scarlet letter.

You would be jealous if you knew the score.
You certainly would never believe it.
What I lose from men I get with God,
companionship, love, and hope,
to a degree you don’t know possible.

Now I’m in your neck of the woods,
a long time ago repented of my sins.
Big fucking deal—
you’d rub my nose in it anyway.
You’re incapable of being ought than you are.
You have not the oneness inside.

You do not love God you love your morality,
and you are good to the good, bad to the bad,
forever more amen.
You want punishment and castigation.
You don’t know the law of healing.
You can’t stand it.

I have healing ways.
I’m a doctor of behavior and attitude,
of the soul heals.
I will die with my knowledge unused.
You don’t know the value of such things.
You spit on it.

Doctor of the soul,
where the soul leads the way,
is the therapist and changer of man,
that is what I bring among you.
It doesn’t come easy.
You have to have a need
naught else but healing.
It will take years.

You guys do me a favor.
Come through my poems.
It’s all in there,
but most have been taken offline.
When I die open them up and read them,
and then put my name in the list of life.
Include me again in your society.
I did the work you wanted me to do.

You would be pleased I suffered.
Oh, I suffered,
threw myself up against your heart so many times,
cried out to God in pain.
I’m showin’ where we’re stuck in the ways of man.
No one sees it.

There are more of us than I can bear,
hated outcasts,
and I am the heart of humanity
shoulderin’ the world.

This is the place you need to work,
right here,
to change the nature of man.
Right here today
I give you the example of sacrifice.
Fire away,
take away my world from me,
again.
I’m showin’ you what love looks like when it’s in your hands,
and know I love you.

Marriage of soul and Earth,
I thought it was attracted to something beautiful.
It’s the most guttural, physical location there is.
We’d need to make plans.
Where are you going?
My butt’s yours man.
All for one and one for soul.

I could get worse and I could get chicory,
but we do business with the Earth you know,
and we all share this intimacy.
You got God there watchin’—
oh my honey child,
it’s all my plan.

I feel coverage beating on the roof of the world.
I’m not smiling.
This is so crash and burn.
I don’t know how to reconcile this with God,
the holes in the program.
It’s bigger than me,
but God is here my friend,
like this is the Void,
and he can’t get at it in his shoes.

I’m not worried about that.
I want to mate my life with God
in everything I do.
How does this play out in the world?
We come upon a change of consciousness,
not just worship God.

We take God’s coverage and go there,
until we look out the eyes of God.
I have,
and I’m tellin’ yah it’s greater than enlightenment.
Mountains are movin’ me there now,
that way station of enlightenment.

You would laugh and tell jokes—
who does he think he is?
Can I just be plain water?
I’ve reached bare earth.
I’m not haughty in my mind.
I see myself and whistle Dixie,
the idiom dear not the racism.

Nothin’ I do is great or small,
and I can hold my dick in my hand and not play with it,
but that’s not all I’m after.
I want to look at you and not be offended
by I’m such a shit to you.
I don’t want to hurt by it no more,
feel the pain of this earthen outcast.
You are mean you know.

Terrible my time with you
I do not speak right,
and you are so hung up on speech,
get offended at the guttural word.
I’m loud and clear
it takes willingness to change.

Get off your high horse man
and meet us at the river,
where even naked we’re not ashamed of ourselves,
and we do not harm one another,
but where the wild things are,
myself and all these people,
who’ve torn you a new asshole
interpreting God anew.
The river my friend,
will you join me?

A cyclic poem,
I pull myself up on the crap all the time,
and here I am writin’ down wood.
I’m bustin’ your balls.
I should just go swimmin’ with you
in everybody’s freeway.

Can we reach each other at guttural need,
or are we alone inside that’s it?
We play ballgames here.
It’s not divided up in sexes.
It’s not even wrong.

The New Jerusalem is galvanized
on we lift up you and me.
It doesn’t falter it doesn’t shame.
We heal through change of consciousness,
and we love one another.

Are you ready to buy this thing?
This cycle
I un-stigmatize God,
the lover of all of us,
the inside and outside of every situation.
I hated it there
until I realized what it took to change.

I smell soup.
All these cut up ingredients,
they’re in the zero God,
right there to form the ingredients
of the long-awaited paradise on earth.

Fool my ass,
I’m joinin’ reality with heaven right now.
You got them balls?
They’re skyrockets,
my love made real.

Fine, I’ll wait.
You’re gonna be up in my room
either here or in heaven on earth:
ah, ah, a neighborhood
this got foreseen;
this was available for everyone;
are you risking your life?

Blockbuster down
and not one single person to help.
Oh vagina.
Now let’s grab by the bones
and grow taller than mankind.
Okay brotherhood?

You just get offended at plowshares.
I’m followin’ my inspiration right.
This is not sex do the poem.
Okay Goldilocks?
Alright man,
I’m not dangerous help.
Without a muffler
I brighten the thoughts of God.
If you haven’t noticed he’s a character.
Great Scott!
they kicked 'im out of town.

The University of the Seldom One

The Dalai Lama in Auroville, 1993, putting in the foundation stone for the construction of the Tibetan Pavilion there. In a speech afterwards, he said, “You can be a believer or an unbeliever…, but there is no choice between being a compassionate or non-compassionate person.” Photo courtesy of The Auroville Adventure
Did you know an Aurovillian won’t read this,
no matter what I do?
These are tough shares.
Talk about hang in the water
all in yoga.
My cousin slapped my mother.
It’s hard to believe
such anxiety.
Let me muscle you at,
heart poundin’ in my ears.

Let me say that again.
Oh boy, you wouldn’t believe it.
These are in heartbeats that you don’t know to measure
the light of the sun.
I wish I could come down to a heart in my living room
the Shambhala success magic.
I cannot spray this in numbers.
The heart central has to be the case.
It’s dog eat dog otherwise.

Where do I put this compartment?
In everything I do and breathe.
It can’t be left out.
You regard everyone
as potential shares.
You can’t stop evil among you
with the ball and chain.
You can’t just keep it from happening
with everybody’s suspicions.

You have to rise to the occasion
and also consider the bad man.
What does he need to do to change?
Can he do that among you?
Yeah, people
just want him gone.

There’s somethin’ I can’t get across over here.
If you wanna create Shambhala,
you have to envision his place among you
healed and changed.
Shambhala is the perfection of humanity
where Auroville is.
You have to rise above yourselves and do that.

You will not even listen to the change.
You have closed your hearts and ears
to a peaceful man among you
who is poeting this change.
How can it leave out the community,
the bedrock of the change?

You know it would speak to it
drum rose people.
It would have the imprint of the divine
sounding poetry’s worth.
Terrible is it?

I come from another land.
I do not meet the world it’s a thing out there and I’m a thing in here. /
Those lines have been drawn,
and they are wiggly now.
I meet the world inside myself.
In the substance of my vision something is wrong.
The world is not a normal train ride,
and my thoughts don’t take me there.
I see the substance of vision
it’s all acres of That,
the substance of the show.
You wanna know the gist of it?
It comes to oneness.

Now bake my bread I’m normal,
nothing special to look at,
just another person to be around.
Now test my feet I’m normal.
I get angry laugh and cry.
I can give you an argument.
My difference is my hands on you.
I’m lookin’ at the One
starin’ back at me.

This is so real to my eyes
my hands collaborate this.
I am in your field of vision,
and my that hurts,
if I even make you feel bad.
I don’t wanna do that,
and this is strong stuff
to prevent me.

Are you an alien on that?
Have you reached the divine in vision?
Do you know how to heal the sick,
and they are not sick in body they are sick in hands,
and their actions hurt the world,
rob the community?
How many times we said
we needed that,
heal the community?

This is a frog suit.
I’m lifted out of the water until I cry.
I mean I have to come up and record lines.
Do you get the picture
back and forth?
I’m hearin’ these lines in inner vision
I’ve developed over a lifetime.
You hear the sauce now
all Sri Aurobindo’d,
the Mother’s guidance please.

Here’s the thing.
It changes consciousness.
The world grabs you in this.
You see signs everywhere.
You’re walkin’ hand in hand with the divine,
but that’s not the beauty of it.
It’s soundin’ bodies
way out in front of you
the substance of their mystery
crayola figures of That,
and it dawns on you
it’s peeling you through everything,
and will you get a load of that?
The invisible ties connects us.
Wow, I’ve just shored everything.

The Little Bit in Your Snow

photo by the author, a chalkboard at the entrance to an Auroville middle school
Boxed in the corner,
I hear You call my name.
I last.
I play the game.
I know how to handle time.
There’s a secret to it.
Open yourself to the Invisible.
Hold yourself on the inside and see the outside.
Don’t just stand there and swim.
Mount time
the stadium you wear.
Don’t be bashful about it.
Don’t overrate yourself.
Stand up and spell time the way you wear it.
Give the voice to the ages.
You want to be so sincere
you spelled time for everyone.

It can be in a broom closet,
but you’ve made that closet sing.
I’ve been in dens of iniquity,
and I found the price of the world that way.
I found out how much we cost
hurtin’ people.
They wore the boundaries me.
They were the hope that carried the world,
and I just cried my eyes out when I discovered that.
Can you embarrass God?
I think I did.

Then I opened inside myself time
and discovered its secrets.
I had damaged time,
and it didn’t punish me with it.
The way of redemption is forceful and slow,
but you can ride upon its back
if you find redemption’s base:
I am trouble I am,
and that is a whirlwind,
and I turn that whirlwind upon myself,
and I open time and fate upon myself,
to rack the tools up in inner man
to overcome evil with good
I’ve paid for myself.

It happened,
and I grab you by the hand and show you
inner healing’s ways.
We are not an accident,
and we are bigger than the wrong we have done,
and you are bigger than having it done to you.
We get trapped in these ways,
and we make reality existence
either hurting or being hurt,
the clash of right and wrong.

How this fools us into little lives
that can’t see past their own noses,
and we make everything a sin,
or we are trying to get to sin.
How many can let a child play with themselves
and stay out of it?
Why you want to stop them or join in.
Fuck let’s cut that asunder
and just stay out of it.
Fuck, you can stay here,
or you can allow language to get a little tight
to come into these narrow straits of time.
It’s difficult
to go past your moral boundaries,
and the world needs to be saved,
and our existence depends up it.

Children need to play with themselves,
and men and women need to heal from sin,
not punished,
not beaten,
not be made outcast.
You cannot stop evil you can only heal it,
and that changes it into something else.
We can heal together.
We can find the weapons to do that.
It’s much deeper than a doctor’s office,
deeper than a psychiatry chair,
deeper than a religious conversion
and any form of prayer.

We have to turn inside out.
We have to get to the bottom of things.
We have to open our consciousness and get in there to the secret stuff. /
We have to get clean,
not from sin,
from even the desire to hurt and harm.
We have to look at each other
and know we are more than any me.
We have to find the secret Inhabitant
that sees out both our eyes,
and we both see together
that we are one through that gaze.

Man this is reality,
who we need to see to survive,
and it’s how we heal
from hurting people
and being hurt,
but you have to arrive there
not just in belief.
It’s to see that Look.
We wear time.
It doesn’t bury us.
It’s not our keeper.
It’s not who we are.

The phenomenon is just a wonderful in the All-Look’s gaze.
Wonderful we see that,
and wonderful we see each other,
and a panda is to us the moon
and a dog the starry sky.
Can you get there?
All life has Eyes,
and oh the splash of healing there,
phenomenal.

Do you want to understand?
I can give you all I’ve got.
That’s the music in me.
You have to be wide enough to take it
and not stand in its way.
We need to heal time,
and are you gonna block that?

Oh look at that swing behind the throw up.
It’s how you reach enlightenment my dears.
Believe it or not a swing shows up in dreams
when you approach it.
It’s a force that takes you like the spiral,
and you literally swing.
How about that habitat?
Nothing can get in the way.
You’ve got to swing all the way there.
Your life will proportion this out to you.
You get closer,
and you move further away,
swinging back and forth
until you get high enough to arrive.

Do you see how tall you are?
The symbol of dream has shown you up close
your waking life approach,
time’s secret
here I’ve shown to you.
If you do anything,
habitat this truth when it comes out.

Am I allowed to continue?
Why thank you I appreciate that.
The little swing of enlightenment people,
how we tell time what we are.

Twisted Nerve

Photo by Rob Potter on Unsplash

by S. Nithish

I’m a soul warrior defeated.
I’m immortal but can’t heal,
shot by arrows of betrayal
on the top of the lonely mountain.
The wounds are deep and cold.
Wind burns my wounds
and waiting till the cold nights stop.

What do I do?
Do I build a house on top of the mountain,
or do I find a cave?
I hate myself feels like I’m the evil spirit.
The ocean is my tears.
The pain is my curse
breaking the wall of sanity and peeking through it.

I once heard that I’ll be the one giving the world peace.
I can’t even give peace to myself.
And that I’ll find eternal peace.
I’ll give freedom to the world.
I need someone to set me free,
and the voices that do whisper to me
is that there is peace in heaven
that’s not in store for me yet.

If I give up now I give up faith in God.
This life will be a burden.
I’ll have nothing to lose,
no strings, fall for eternity into the abyss.

Now I can see how evil people are forged,
and those evil people proved that their parents
won the game and have accepted the curse.

This moment I make a promise to myself
on 30/7/25, 7:30,
that I kneel down before no one,
and that this is my game, my controller.
I’ll make it clear as your eye,
and I write my own story in my own brand.

Nithish, a 13-year-old Tamil boy, wrote this poem. This blog has chronicled his plight for over a year now. He’s recently begun writing poems again. To view his previous work, what he wrote before his ordeal began, click on the Page Nithish’s Blog on the top of this post. The difference is writing about the coming night and being in that night.

I, or my muse rather, has written to him this response, and it’s being smuggled to him now:

And the word crashes with God.
What's the name of the monster?
It's not yourself.
Do the relationship as I do.
Don't banish God to the outer ocean.
God is bigger than your pen,
than your thoughts of him.
Alright baby,
look into yourself and say,
"I want to be the biggest truth I am.
I want to feel this truth inside me
startling my days.
No problem
this truth slips out of my hands.
I will pick it up again.
It is not darkness."

A Counselor

photo by Douglas
I remember now.
I built a mile high stadium.
Stupid show,
look what Hookah did
in the center of your program.
We’ll always have that voice.

I would murder in words anything I tried to say.
We have our long lists
of hurt that’s been put out there.
It’s how we tax the world.
It’s how we feel better about ourselves.
Would an actor see that?

And if I reduce it to a role,
do I bleed responsibility?
Do I reduce it to an abstraction
in the places I’ve bleeded reality,
the places I’ve burn?

I’ve grabbed the sun,
live on a height of thought and life
I write about all the time.
I see the representation,
the symbol we all are.
It eves my day.
What then?

How is it possible to hurt someone and not know their pain
because you’re a writer of sky dreams?
I communicate with the dead,
have them all around me,
each little life I’ve lit on fire
in the bucket of intimacy.

I don’t think the possibilities of healing surround your room.
You are not stark walking the symbol.
You know the outer lair.
An inside all day long,
you don’t approach that.

You don’t know what it’s like to love the world
in those places you’re sorry,
breathing those words all day long
to a you know you’re heard
way beyond man.
I don’t think you’re aware of the price you pay
when you become aware of man.
The pain you feel humanity.

But on the cutting edge of this
is who I make it up to,
a little boy growing in time.
He represents you.
He represents the world’s eyes,
and I am there for him.

We can take joy on the Earth,
sweet, innocent and kind,
holdin’ our humanity close.
It’s not all a razor blade.
We can get sweet on the Earth,
and when you get home,
you can love the world like a little boy,
and your representation grows.
photo by the author

The Damage We Do to Earth

photo by the author
Is by human nature human nature changed?
Let’s defeat our purpose.
Let’s go around the Mulberry pole again.
Let’s just not listen to our teachers.
I will by human nature outcast this person,
in the middle of a human unity project,
where the Integral Yoga was set down on Earth,
and I will do this willfully and strongly,
not caring for the consequences.

This is how it’s done,
if you want to protect the group from someone.
You don’t give them also divine eyes,
and you give them no public venue,
and by that I mean you keep their voice unheard,
and you ghost them forever and ever without end
in your little social bubble.
It’s high time we changed that,
in such a powerful place as ours

that holds such meaning for the Earth.
Are you with me?
I think not.

The opposite poles of human unity,
that’s the whole way to rape the system,
when we keep them apart.
I’m a whirlwind of the proper material.
Don’t you confuse me with panic.
I have my rocking chair,
my golden years.

I am the toilet that speaks
one more time.
I just want you to consider your own goodness.
Why would you castigate me?
Because God’s the author of punishment,
and God’s called you to punish me?
Sri Aurobindo gave this commandment:
thou shalt punish the wayward sadhak?
The Mother despised sin
and dealt out punishments to people?
The Integral Yoga hates sin?
The One cannot stomach me?

Let’s look at your business.
You don’t know who you are.
You are not the sadhak with the name you call.
You are not the Aurovillian you sign your name as.
You are a person beyond time.
You can’t get this right.
You think it’s some far away,
and you are supposed to act in human terms.
The Zeitgeist says it;
you carry it out.

There were times and there are places
I would not be the ass among you.
Your morality is relative to the times.
You can’t see straight
when you face a sinner
your town and country hates.
This is rock bottom being human.
You see it unleashed on the globe,
this breach of oneness.
We are killing each other over it.

Oh Islamic State was a model for our eyes.
They thought they were justified
in bringing the hell they did
to punish people,
or the Nazi and the Jew.
The scapegoat they made
was another attempt at Nature
running something into the ground
in her symbol wrought her blind actions speak.
The availability of the Jew as the scapegoat
came to show us we wear scapegoating shoes
as the modus operandi of ego-led society.

You don’t have a field for this:
where we take our scapegoats and make them human again.
You just hate
and justify your hatred
by the human mass.
You are not godly citizens.
You burn witches.

You have been given a vehicle of thought
unparalleled in the history of thought
to arouse your stomach,
to change your heart,
to detach from this human clay
the pettiness of human life,
the vile emotions we feel for one another
and see beyond the play,
and bring yourself out of this turmoil
and into the light of day.
You quote these fields all the time.
The Mother said this.
Sri Aurobindo wrote that.

The Integral Yoga can heal anything.
I have been among you 20 years showing that,
but you cannot see it.
You don’t want to.
You will not apply the lessons you’ve learned Integral Yoga.
You will just deny,
hate,
and castigate,
and as a group you do this.
What do I do to bring you to peace
over this person named Donny Duke?

I offer you my home
for a station of tea,
and you won’t even answer me,
stubbornly justified in your ill will
by human morality that has no part God.
I am the reason for Auroville’s fall,
and I graft upon it
the deception of a poet
that hides his sins with godly words,
wants to commit them among you if you but let ‘im,
deceiving the elect with holy lore.
You don’t know the price of sin.
You don’t get away with it,
even if no one finds your ruse.
Say you’re a sadhak close to God.
You have no way to hide,
and you learn to do what you’re told
to get out of your mess.

It does not take forever.
Low and behold I have sinned and healed that sin
and given the beauty of art
to give you examples of healing’s ways,
and now it’s reached astounding.
You will not sit up and take notice.
You will not even let it in your groups.
No one can read it.
No one can see it.
You hate art
the scapegoat of the day makes,
the one hated among you
by an agreement of the times.

Ladies and gentlemen,
will you castigate me for all eternity,
name my sins and how ugly they were,
without ever seeing the unexpected good that can come from woeful deeds,
without ever admitting that God has a plan
even for one such as me?
This is stubborn willfulness
out of the hour of God,
away from the lessons of truth.
Who is the greatest sinner?
I forgive you of your self-righteousness.
I understand your state.
I don’t blame you for being human,
but we can’t stay in this state.
We are called to greater life,
and we have to go together or none.
The people that refuse,
God just takes more time with them.
Are you one of those?

This poem was recently rejected by Collaboration, A Journal of the Integral Yoga, whom I have submitted numerous poems to over the years, hands down the publication I’ve submitted to most, because it is a publication of our yoga, it’s name claims inclusiveness, and it’s by fellow Americans, but they have not published a single poem. I have this theory, and I submitted this poem to prove it to myself at least, that they will never publish a poem I submit, regardless of the quality and truth of the poem. This poem explains why.

In other news, the admin of the Facebook group Friends of Auroville approved it, although the other Auroville Facebook groups I submitted it to didn’t, and it was submitted to Auroville Today and Auroville News, and Auroville Today at least replied rejecting it. Auroville News did not reply this time, and they too I’ve sent poems to over the years.

Burden’s Doctor

Can we reach the delivery of the poem
that our being intercepts?
I am worried about contradictions
and just pissing people off
instead of reaching them.
Nithish is suffering.
I don’t know where to stop that.
No one seems to notice
because it’s not polio,
but it’s heartbreak nonetheless.
He misses me,
a mother to him
for many years,
the most important person in his life for many years,
and I’m not the only one saying that;
his heart does.

He’s in mourning,
and that’s not recognized.
It’s not even mentioned.
He’s not allowed to talk about it.
There is no outlet for his pain.
His mother knows it’s there,
and it makes her very angry,
and she punishes him for it.
What’s a kid to do?

He cries.
He gets angry.
He implodes upon himself,
but there is no issue from this dilemma.
It just keeps getting worse.
He cries.
He carries on,
and the pot boils over.
Now he’s desperate,
and when you’re 13,
adolescence has given you weapons
the child you are still can’t handle.
It’s a dangerous moment in Nithish’s life.
We want what’s best for Nithish,
and if we want anything else,
we are really playing with fire.

What’s his name,
Pride?
You wanna let ‘im shoot your kid?
It might be a gentleman
that gives you honor and social prestige,
for a little while,
but when you put it above your child’s needs,
above goodness and mercy,
you wreck your life
in the fall you have from Pride,
when it’s gotten to the point
even you know you’re wrong,
and that you’re treating your child badly.
But you don’t have to fall.
Put down your pride
and address your child’s needs,
okay Sandiya?

I’ve looked at soul models.
I’ve looked at grief,
and you’ve heard me on Facebook tellin’ about it
and all over the damn place.
I don’t come on this platform
to insult and offend.
I’m much better
in the werewolf of time
reading you right.
You took a bath tonight.
Son of a bitch!
We are closed.
Abolish One on the way.
Who do you get to come after you,
Mr. Cat Stevens
talkin’ about the Peace Train?
No you get a me pointing the finger at you
for all these abuses.

I respond to my muse.
I respond to the image of my boy.
I know he’s hurting.
Now can I spread this on the table?
He’s really hurting.
These are deep wounds he has to live with,
and they just eat him alive.
You don’t know the pain of suffering
when you’re just a little boy
all mixed up in adolescence,
your body a whistleblower,
and everybody knows you’re confused.
You’re standin’ there with a sense of self
no amount of world can resolve,
and you can’t grab the world by the tail
because it has you
so tightly in its grasp
you just want to please it,
make it go away.

He’s an adolescent,
in the most difficult years of his life,
the most confused,
the most tender
where he’s sensitivity it hurts.
He is already a well of suffering,
and then someone took from him
his support and his comfort and his home,
in his mind of things,
took from him his daddy,
and you all know how I mother people,
in a way that made it I’d died
with no contact allowed ever again in his life.
Oh my God that hurts
in the very substance of yourself,
and it’s a pain that won’t go away,
even if you want it to.
That boy hurts.
Please see that.
It’s terrible for him.
It’s the end of the world.
Oh Sandiya please listen.
For God’s sake listen.

Yeah I know I’m studying your attention
like I need to end this poem.
Not quite.
Transact another line.
Who has turned over,
that’s always a thought.
Believe me,
we can fix this right.
Everyone would have run had he been 13,
a teenager in years
with their what's up.
There’s enough fuel,
still childhood left,
to remove this pain,
to take these scars out of his life,
take him to his blue book.

Healing is the first thing I’d do Sandiya.
I heard his manhood
depending upon this time.
Please,
open,
open up in there,
and put down your arms of control
that’s squeezing the life out of him,
and let him be with me,
and let him be with you,
so that it doesn’t hurt.
I’m the denomination now,
and that doesn’t hurt.
Do we throw this boy to the wolves or what?

A kid his own age,
George,
I know very well.
I really know kids,
like it’s the focus of my life.
You know
that boy’s in trouble,
and you know what has happened,
and you know Nithish needs me
because I can make it right.
Pay him back on the outside
what he needs on the inside to heal,
and give him me for his birthday,
and give him the happiest birthday he’s ever had.
Give him what he needs.
Let him on his birthday
be with his daddy,
and here I am.

The Last Outcast

We all understand tomorrow.
I’m goin’ somewhere.
It’s not dishes.
I find my boy,
bring him home to me
and do something bigger than life
right there in my homegrown.
It’a about my consciousness and its see.
I arrive my boy first,
giving him healing.
This is a new brand
we will get good at
so it can be mass-produced.

I’m in enlightenment shares
healing my boy,
a spiritual consciousness override.
They’re dealing with
a mass showdown.
Right now it’s all black.
Not even a pinpoint of light
gives hope.
It’s all gone,
the whole save my boy plan,
and spiritual practice
has fallen by the wayside.
I’m merely drifting
to no ends.

I count my stupidities now,
where I am half-crazy in rants.
I sound good on a piece of paper:
I’m gonna see my boy;
I’ll get that spiritual consciousness again;
it’ll all work out.
I talk to his parents
like I have the power of God.
His parents have the absolute power to rule his life.
I just make them mad and guard him more.
You’d think I’d learn by now
my voices are deceiving me;
my voices are derailing me.

You’re in trouble.
You’re on a stage.
Are you there
with anything bigger than life?
The world’s not gonna listen to you.
Everyone ignores your pleas,
and your knowledge don’t turn anybody’s head.
You just sit there and sing.
This is the gist of life.
This is how almost everybody feels the world.
It’s impotence sings.

I’m a diamond in the hall.
I’m on top of everything.
I really know my business,
and I understand the rise of the world.
I don’t spit there.
I feel humanity like it’s my very self.
I can see the cutting edge of time.
Movements I see,
world shaping movements,
that give me a great yard.
I’m of few people see them.
Now I come back to myself again.
I’m not the stupid guy.

I have reason to believe
my boy’s comin’ back to me,
and I will put on the Silence once again.
It’s evidence
I can get big as the world in tellin’;
I can wrap the hours around God,
and I can make you examine yourself
in your hands on children.
You sit there and believe me,
some of you,
because you hear the angels sing
in this poet’s gut.
I’m a strong one you know,
and I hold up the world
an Atlas unknown.
I really do it,
take the ideas that change the world
and transmute them into verse,
one rocket at a time.

You know I’m there
because I love you
in that special formula
that makes you feel me
in the very place we meet,
in the intimacy of a poem
that’s got handles on it
that bring the world closer to you
as God sees it,
dangerously in love.

You must have some
grace
to journey this day.
It’s the vulnerability of a poet
I give it,
just role of bein’ hallelujah. [line heard sung to tune of Leonard Cohen’s song “Hallelujah”]
You doin’ okay?