I’m a soul warrior defeated. I’m immortal but can’t heal, shot by arrows of betrayal on the top of the lonely mountain. The wounds are deep and cold. Wind burns my wounds and waiting till the cold nights stop.
What do I do? Do I build a house on top of the mountain, or do I find a cave? I hate myself feels like I’m the evil spirit. The ocean is my tears. The pain is my curse breaking the wall of sanity and peeking through it.
I once heard that I’ll be the one giving the world peace. I can’t even give peace to myself. And that I’ll find eternal peace. I’ll give freedom to the world. I need someone to set me free, and the voices that do whisper to me is that there is peace in heaven that’s not in store for me yet.
If I give up now I give up faith in God. This life will be a burden. I’ll have nothing to lose, no strings, fall for eternity into the abyss.
Now I can see how evil people are forged, and those evil people proved that their parents won the game and have accepted the curse.
This moment I make a promise to myself on 30/7/25, 7:30, that I kneel down before no one, and that this is my game, my controller. I’ll make it clear as your eye, and I write my own story in my own brand.
Nithish, a 13-year-old Tamil boy, wrote this poem. This blog has chronicled his plight for over a year now. He’s recently begun writing poems again. To view his previous work, what he wrote before his ordeal began, click on the Page Nithish’s Blog on the top of this post. The difference is writing about the coming night and being in that night.
I, or my muse rather, has written to him this response, and it’s being smuggled to him now:
And the word crashes with God. What's the name of the monster? It's not yourself. Do the relationship as I do. Don't banish God to the outer ocean. God is bigger than your pen, than your thoughts of him. Alright baby, look into yourself and say, "I want to be the biggest truth I am. I want to feel this truth inside me startling my days. No problem this truth slips out of my hands. I will pick it up again. It is not darkness."
Let’s move forward Nithish.
It’s time to move forward Nithish.
The camera pushes in,
immediately replaces your silence with sound.
It seemed to have the heart glow of eternity.
Some price is right.
Making sense out of a horrible situation, okay?
I can be the whole thing now, forever.
Now I can’t be a boy. [line heard sung as though Nithish is singing it]
I can’t cover good for you when he knows you won’t say my name in proper. You won’t say how you feel.
What do I need to save you? I need you to call my name in public, say how you really feel, to whomever asks. Be honest about it: you want to live with your daddy; you are not happy with your parents.
If you don’t do this you will die to all of your dreams and aspirations, to a happy childhood, to being a teenager in America, to being an adult who’s a poet, who loves the world and protects children. You will die to yourself Nithish.
Listen to me good. I have more to say but that’s the main thing: you must call my name now, in front of your parents, in front of Kuruchikuppam, in front of the city of Pondicherry.
When a random stranger asks, when your parents ask, when anybody asks: you love your daddy; you want to live with him; your parents have been very mean to you.
Go to type. Type good news, fast car, your heart’s desire. I need you to listen to me Nithish. To mask truth so people can rob you of your identity, take from you who you are, you’re destroying your own dreams; you’re kissing the feet of those who abuse you; you are not getting your heart’s desire; you are getting nightmares.
Don’t worry. I am here. Let me help you, but you need to also help yourself. You are not helpless. You are not a baby. You are scared to death.
Do you know how many social workers are watching what’s happening to you right now? You have an audience of concerned people, and your mother knows that. If they try to put you into a boy’s hostel, if you even get beat again, they will stop all that, but you need to speak up so they can.
They are going by what your mother tells them and everyone else: you are happy with her; you do not want to see me; you are perfectly normal now.
This is Nithish, not who my mother says I am. Call my name. Call your own name, else you will not come out of this water, and you cannot be a boy.
They are going by what your mother tells them and everyone else: you are happy with her; you do not want to see me; you are perfectly normal now.
This is Nithish, not who my mother says I am. Call my name. Call your own name, else you will not come out of this water, and you cannot be a boy.
How many thousands of books have failed, books to help humanity, and they never made to public eyes? Do you want yours to fail Nithish? You have to be the hero your dreams show you are. You have to vanquish the demons like you say you do in your poetry. You have to stand up for yourself. You have to stand up for every kid in the world.
That’s what’s going on: you have to be the poet of a sunrise, that sunrise a better humanity with our children.
Father I can’t take this pain any longer. It’s an illness to slam you. I am not responsible at this, but I know what I’m talking about. Open mind comes with smartness. With an open heart comes the father. It has shaken my whole world, changed my eyes. My path is on a unicorn, a big one.
I look out my widow every day and ask for freedom from this barrier. It’s a block. You just got to take another way. You can’t go through it can you? What if my path is highlighted from the others? I have my own dreams to chase.
I just found this poem in my carry bag two days ago. I had forgotten about it. Nithish gave it to me some days before he was taken from my home on March 12th. He had been telling me he wanted his muse to give him another poem to his father to explain things. He wanted me to tell his parents these things so that they did not put him to one day a week with me. At that moment, he was living with me during the weekdays and with his parents on the weekends. He wanted to continue the arrangement.
He wrote this poem while at school from spiritual vision, meaning that he heard each line spoken into his inner ear, and he copied it down. He does not record the lines like a poem, just writes them down, as he is dyslexic and has a lot of trouble writing. If you have read his other poems posted here, you can see he has developed more as a poet and a writer, and you can hear his feelings and thoughts spoken very clearly, what he wants his father to know, but the poem never got to his father. He was taken just a few days after he wrote it. Below is the poem in his handwriting.
I am Nithish a growing poet. I will write for the world and me, and I will take big steps anywhere, anytime. I am opening (muse) my marker a bag with development. If the bag doesn’t get bigger I will fly away.
Oh I am high on poetry. Get me a ride home. Hey god, how tall are you? Ha h aha I’m going to my job.
2nd Part
Exchange the world for some divine, and my marker call the muse. Will you listen to the paper it’s right. Why are the poets here for?
Ha ha ha! I have ran to the divine false— call me a poet after 18+. I have time to die.
I call myself the poet for my life through the end. I am what do you call me, what the godfather? Oh no, that’s not me. My character is at the lake, aka the divine.
I have asked the god to stay. My life is always sour-like.
My mind turn the lights for my room, draw the lights for my room. I am going to wait for you through the light.
Nithish was taken from my home and subsequently brainwashed. I record that here, the eye-opening of Nithish. All you the pictures are aligned.
I will show his mother this, a mother mentally unbalanced in the possession of her boy, and all the abuse that has ensued from her possession. Find myself giving him the blanket he deserves. He will not look at me I know.
You’ve got, the people that are helping me, cosmic kitchen. Show him what he needs to see. Show him himself in the mirror.
The first poem Nithish wrote months before he was taken from my home by his mother because I mentioned to her a video she had made of her youngest son doing a sex act. It is not just a prediction of the future, what will happen to him as a result of showing me that video and telling me its context, but it is himself talking to his future self so to overcome the brainwashing, gaslighting and abuse his parents have put him through because of betraying them to me in regard to that video and the sexual abuse of his little brothers by his father. He told me very private things about what was going on in the bedroom of his family when his father came home from Chennai on the weekends, and they have made him pay for that betrayal and for his love for me.
“The divine false” is his parents’ rule over him, him turning away from God and spirituality and putting his parents in that place. His mother has said he cannot see me again until he’s 18 or over, what “18 plus” means. When he speaks about “time to die,” he’s talking about not only the death of his former self, the real Nithish, but his thoughts of suicide, which he has had in all the trauma his parents have given him for loving me. He disputes that he has to wait until 18 to be a poet, what it means when he says he calls himself “the poet for life through the end,” and to understand the poem, you need to know that being a poet and me being his daddy, or really, his spiritual master, his inner poetry teacher, are intertwined. He’s also talking about not having to wait until 18 to see me again.
In spiritual vision I have seen that his father plans to have me killed and wants Nithish to approve of this, but Nithish has not told me this, but has called twice to tell me to go into hiding without explaining why, not recently though. His father has officially murdered four men in cold blood for his gang, a gang of Lawspet whose leader is a notorious man named Sironen. The gang now feigns to be disbanded, but it is not, and Sundar, his father, feigns to have left it, but he has not. That’s what he means by people calling him “the godfather.” and those people, the you referred to, are his parents. He is very familiar with American movies, and I don’t know if he has seen The Godfather, a movie about an Italian mafia family, but we have talked about that film together. He will not approve of this murder of me, because his “character is at the lake,” where we live, at Usteri Lake, how he refers to the location of our home, which for him is synonymous with the divine because it’s here he is coached in sadhana to realize the divine in his life.
The god he’s asking to stay is me, his spiritual master, and we are in a union of consciousness, on the level of soul, and if you don’t believe just read his poetry and mine, and I have the power to see inside of him, be there in his consciousness, and he can feel me there, and he’s asking me to stay, despite his outer self seeming to have forgotten about me, which the phone call I’ve described shows is not the case. He’s told me he can feel me inside when he was calling me in secret. It is a divine power, a power of consciousness, and you will only believe me when you question the child about it, but no one will question him, and no one’s allowed to.
Despite the special treatment he’s now getting from his parents, he still feels his life “sour-like.” He knows his mind is the key, as I’ve taught him that what he thinks he becomes, and here he’s trying to turn his mind to the light, and he ends by telling me, “I am going to wait for you through the light,” the light being all his poetry, and mine, that is trying to free him from the abuse and Nazi-like control his parents have over him.
Today morning I saw a car. Its name was sunny. In my I saw sunny. In my pen I saw sunny again.
And my friend, he wrote something in a paper, and he gave it to me. In the paper it said sing, sing, think.
I saw a sun shine in my life. One, it will happen again, right happy I am. I told you can I have my rights back? My back I got my back I say, and you say haha haha.
Are you the Joker? No I am the divine power of the God. Wanna see me fly?
Nithish is writing this poem to his future self, as he is in the video-poem “Edge of the Game”. The poem was written some months before he was taken from me, when his life was taken from him, his daddy, his dogs, his computer, his room, his home, and the lake, all in one swoop, and he was taken to live with his parents and given no rights, supervised constantly so as not to try and call or see me, controlled to the nth degree for the same reasons.
The sun that he is talking about is Supermind, and before he was taken, he was a serious student of Supermind. His parents have forbidden him spirituality and to follow Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. The friend that he is talking about is me, and I’ve been writing on Facebook just what he says I’ve been writing so to get him to sing and think, as he’s been almost completely brainwashed by his parents by this time, two and a half months since he was taken. He does not want his rights taken from him, being made to feel like the Joker because they say he’s brought shame to the family, and here he is trying to wake up his future self so he doesn’t lose himself.
You might ask why won’t his parents even look at these things? Do you know they won’t let him read his own poetry? Just ask them to let him, and they will tell you they don’t want him to remember me and change his mind, someone that has been there since the day he was born, parenting him for half of his childhood, giving him years of memory he can’t completely erase, and their answer shows their intent, and it’s not for the needs of Nithish nor is in his best interests. It’s to take his memory of me and to get him to only love them, despite everything, simply to possess him. His mother told me over the phone she did not care about his needs; she wanted him, and he was hers.
Just this poem alone show strong evidence of prevision in the boy’s poetry, and there is much more, where he’s also talking to me from the past, giving me instructions for how to deal with the situation of him being taken by his parents and abused by them in the video-poem “Menu of the Gods”. Then there’s his song, “Big Time Song”, a general prevision about how it feels when they take him from his home, take his life from him, and the process of him coming to understand that, and how “date is in his life, working for his life,” the time that he returns home to the lake.
Yesterday I found a stack of poetry in his drawer in his room that he’d written while in school, and he’d shown the poetry to me when he’d written it, and I’d just filed it away, telling him the poetic quality wasn’t up to pare with the muse he was getting for his YouTube channel. Now I’m reading them, and I’m humbled and blown away by the fact that he wrote all this to his future self of some months hence, to himself now, to guide him to wake up from the brainwashing that’s being done to him by his parents to kill the poet in him and the spiritual seeker, the boy that wants to stand up for children everywhere and have some kind of neighborhood court, he told me, where children can challenge decisions their parents make concerning important things in their life. I must tell you now I’m not really his daddy; I’m his spiritual master, and that’s the secret relationship we’ve been having, what I tell him not to tell anybody, although I am not a master; I’m an adept, but you understand the relationship.
We need strong evidence of the soul and the divine active in humanity today, like more that at any other time in our history, because we are on the brink of destruction. Here we have that, and this is a miracle. We need miracles, ones that can be clearly seen, and what is a miracle but Nature when she has been stripped of her plain clothing of ordinary and shown to possess powers we have suspected all along is in her store, but ones she does not show often enough to believe in nor to very many people at a time, powers that show us her secret divinity and close bond with the soul and God? A miracle, people, I give you a miracle, where the whole wide world can watch it, on the world wide web, the inner poetry of Nithish. We are watching the boy fly.
Can you really stretch two mountains? I don’t need to jump off. I can just fly through space. I met Neil Armstrong. It was his pride to do that can’t you see? I do something from the bottom of your heart. Mine is poetry. Why can’t you speak your mind? Because of those evil touts control your mind. I learn to fly. I see another world in the pond. I can’t be right, but I can be truthful to the world. I can feel the change. The world is changing once again to a bad turn. Do you really want to let them in with yourself? No way I am gonna let that happen.
This was sung to Nithish on the inside as a rap while he was in school about two months before he was taken from me. It was one of two raps he wrote, or, I should say, his muse wrote. The other is at the end of the video-poem “Edge of the Game”. This rap comes from spiritual vision, and he is seeing what is about to happen to him, that “bad turn” coming. In the second to last line, he is speaking about his parents when he uses the pronoun “them”, who are psychologically manipulating him so that they kill the poet him because they think poetry is a waste of time and because they are suspicious of the lines of poetry that he hears from the inside because they turn him towards God and spirituality and not to them, his parents, and I’m paraphrasing things they’ve said.
They do not see any talent here, but, dear reader, do you see no talent here? He has a talent that maybe only two or three kids on the whole planet have, an ability to not only write poetry and song completely from inner listening but also an ability to tell the future. Do you really want that destroyed? Maybe he has this talent to help us not to destroy the world. I might ask who the two mountains are. Would you laugh if I said he and I? I write poetry from spiritual vision also, and it was me opened this up in him.
Harm's End 