The Last Podcast

Video Description

Reality
You were crying and trying to hide your tears.
Nithish, do not fake it.
Only 500 meters
to where you’re home again.

You have some tears to show Nithish,
your thoughts of suicide,
your pain at the world,
the unspoken madness.

Let it all come gushing out,
safely, wholly,
by pounding on your parents’ foreheads
let me live with daddy!
Now that’s the vehicle in the room.
Come on kid let’s go.
Now baby dog.

Dominance
next
undo.
They lord it over you.

You want to come to America,
and that’s your airport,
your insistence on seeing me.
That’s your offering.
You give it to that boy in you
you have not let the world see—
I really wanna see daddy I can’t take it.

For about a year and some months, from the beginning of 2022 to October of 2023, Nithish, Mithun, Douglas and I did a post cast on the interpretation of dreams called The Dream Company. The podcast ended in our last recorded episode, Episode 56, recorded on October 1, 2023, which has not been posted yet on our podcast site but which I present here.

Two minutes and 51 seconds into the podcast, Nithish relates a dream and interprets it in regard to his need to live with me here at the lake full time, and we discuss the abuse that was happening to him at that time at the hands of his parents, when we had no idea what would happen in a few months time, that he would be taken from me and suffer much worse abuse, which he predicts in the video-poem Edge of the Game when he says, “Well, next time bad spirits of school Nazis.”

In interpreting his dream we did recognize that it was a prevision of the future, but we just did not imagine that that future was many months away and not days. That future that he predicted in the dream has not happened yet, as he’s not got the power he has in the dream, has not overcome the biggest bully in his school, and his mother has not brought him to the lake and left him here, all of which happen in the dream. We await it to come to pass.

I relate my own dream next in the podcast, but I interpreted it wrongly. My worry over Nithish at that time did not equate being smothered by a python, but now with what his mother has done after she took him from me does. By not allowing us any contact with one another, it’s been like having the life squeezed out of me by a huge snake; the grief has almost killed me. So my dream was a prevision of the future too, but I could not imagine at the time what it really meant until the events the dream foretells came to pass. That the Mother assures me at the end of the dream that I will be rescued gives me the same hope that Nithish’s dream gives me, and that is that he will be back with us soon.

That hope is further broadcast by muse, spiritual vision, giving the name of this video and asking what I’d done with things just the other morning at dawn. I wasn’t thinking about our podcast and hadn’t in some time, and I didn’t remember the content of our last recorded episode, didn’t have the slightest idea what we talked about in it. It just came out of the blue because my muse, which is a divine power, has the power of omniscience, and it knew what we recorded nine months ago and also knew that now was the right moment for the boy to hear what he needs to hear, and for his parents and everyone else involved. With that kind of magic supporting us, we have more than hope; we have faith given to us by the divine. Will the divine lose? Wait and see, but we can also ask if the sun is coming up in the morning. Do you think it won’t?

The Mother of the Day

photo by the author
Everybody deserves credit,
the ebook I’m about to give you.
Do you know what’s real?
Don’t give me any chances.
And why not?
Put me in the hospital,
be in a hostel.
Don’t put me in the world.
Thrown out
of life paradise with you.
But someone he gets mixed up.
He gets really missed.
Bury your head.
Now I can’t be a boy.
[two above lines heard sung, from my song “I Never Boy”]
https://youtu.be/kvx_uZ9iWKc?si=SbDujgGn4kJrjp_K

I’m in concert.
Can you believe it,
that I’m deaf?
When you first arrived,
was that before rise here?
You’re here all day with her.
Basically I wanted knowledge.
She leans down not to help her calm.
It’s inevitable
we have the victory in the Mother’s hands.

Like lost his faith left and right.
He didn’t trust the Mother.
She’s real to him,
and she’s so present in his life.
He speaks to her in vision,
always soothing him,
always assuring him,
making sure he’s on the right track.
She is gentle but firm,
and there she is in vision again,
the Mother’s face looking into mine.
She’s there to tell me it’s okay.

The Mother is working on changing the ground of reality.
This situation had to play out last.
It’s about abusing kids
and making them safe in their homes.
The fundamental problem in humanity
our children we hit and beat,
give them spoons
to make them unhappy with.
We are generally mean with kids,
rob them of their wills,
want us to be the center and focus of their lives,
the family tree,
the parent that needs that love.
They belong to God
not to us.

We’ve got to get it right with our children.
This has to happen in a big way.
It has to be seen by many people,
and then change could come.
We will tear the house down
mocked kid and other crimes.
We have to learn with our children
all the ways of the world
that come into blossom/blessing with our children.
[above words heard spoken simultaneously]
We need them to be kings and queens
in how we respect them with our attention.
They are the center of the room,
not our pastime.
They are not a sidelight we’re handlin’.
Sacrifice a parent does
to put that child’s needs above their own.

We’re not here for enjoyment,
though we can enjoy.
We are raising God in our rooms,
big monumental change,
and we will love our children to that door.
How is this done?
With the patience that master plan.
We give them our very lives
and correct their misbehavior with love
that does not hurt them,
but knows how to employ their own will
to overcome their blunders.
Patience and kindness,
it’s our children we’re holdin’ you see.

Who can live up to this plan?
It is a model we use every day
to come into the kingship with our children,
and we start with they are not hit or beat
or have their pants pulled down for our enjoyment.
We leave their genitals alone,
but we do not make them put shame there
or keep them from their own file.
We are liberal with our children,
and we give them their natural development
and do not stand in the way
when they have a soul purpose different from ours.
They may not stay in your home
once they’re grown.

This change is coming,
and it’s gonna change the Earth.
It will heal all our problems
that we make upon ourselves.
It’s the number one duty in humanity,
pickin’ up God growin’ up,
making our children safe with us,
allowing them to be free,
allowing them to follow their own path,
allowing them to be who they are,
not put our trails on them
and force them to follow.
Can you see this change?

It’s how we raise our children.
It will be the talk of humanity soon,
and we will standardize this with love,
and abusers will be punished—
according to the old rule.
The new rule does not punish children,
who are also parents
or some other person
that has damaged a child.
We see the child in the adult
who grew up on the receiving end
of what they’re dishing out today.

Change forms it’s still the same nature,
but we do not just let it ride.
We engage that parent,
that adult,
in terms of love
that knows how to handle people,
that that man that woman puts on
to find their way out of meanness,
to find their way out of abuse.
A separation model
must needs to be truly called for.
This is integral care.
This is holistic healing.

We will protect children,
but not from monsters,
from erring adults.
I cannot spell out to you this plan
in one sentence.
I can show you the way.
You hear the Mother,
and this is her master plan.
We touch our children
with all systems go.
We’re climbin’ love.

There’s Nothing More I Can Do

Nithish at the meeting of the Child Welfare Committee, photo by the author
He has the robot,
the eye of the robot.
Entryway
to the death of this child from his own soul.
Child Welfare
could not grasp the situation,
and they did not listen to his tears
as he gave his mother what she wanted,
the rule to hurt me.

He was distraught.
He openly sobbed.
He held my hand from across the table
and squeezed it
as he shook his head no
he didn’t even want to see me one day a week.
He couldn’t even speak.
His emotions had his tongue.
This was blamed on me,
not his unwillingness to betray his love for me.
That red flag was not seen.

I’m left with this picture.
Is that a rule boy?
It’s not a boy in love with life.
I can measure ‘im,
but you’d have to listen to the song “I Never Boy”.
I can’t reach him.
I can’t do anything about this.
I can only go home to America
and try to restart my life,
knowing God doesn’t care.
The divine doesn’t help,
and Sri Aurobindo and the Mother are either liars
or have not the power to save.
I have lost my faith,
and where does a man go who has lost his faith?

My life is over
as far as hope goes.
I just want to die,
but I will not do that
until my time has come.
Thank you for listening to me,
giving the space in your lives
for one such as me.

I tried.
I did my very best,
but lies and deceit carry the day,
the boy’s lies too.
There is nothing else I can do.
If I do not have this boy’s will to see me,
the will that he declares in public,
not his hidden will,
I can do nothing to help him,
and I must leave.
You understand.
It will take some time to leave.
We want to take our dogs,
but the wheels are in motion.
Goodbye.

I Never Boy

I Never Boy

Chorus

Now I can’t be a boy.
Now I can’t be a boy.
A bitter thing that I’ve gone through.
Now I can’t be a boy.
Now I can’t be a boy,
and the play plays strong in your strong eyes.
Bury your head.
Now I can’t be a boy.

Verse 1

What I’m goin’ through.
I never boy.
Years of file
I wore my grandfather.
Try to overcome the world in some fear.
Well I’ll be damned,
there’s gotta be another way.
Come and hurt me,
tearing at the edges of my mind.

Verse 2

Put hands together.
Maybe I’m wrong,
I’m goin’ where Christ the energy.
Call your boss and forgive her,
your mother.
Even if I restart my family,
now I can’t be a boy.
Hopefully it will happen this time,
gonna knock on doors again,
have a beautiful time.

Verse 3

Marco,
Polo.
She stand him file,
his mother.
Too over, it’s over.
He walks along disaster in English.
He was alone.
Where my mother put me so sad and alone.
It’s gonna take some time I’m not the right person.
You gotta figure it out. A 93
It doesn’t take anything.
There may be a fall.

Verse 4

I spoke to the cinema.
I’ve come up with another way,
respect and honor to the people that I love,
my grandfather.
Yes I’ve opened to you,
Yes you love me, yes you do.
You mouse, big changes ahead.
I will father the way,
overcome the world.

Verse 5

His life is basically over,
that’s what I’m goin’ through.
Real men
would not do this to Nithish.
Years put everything
onto the child.
It’s a child made to feel all alone.
It’s a child made to dump on.
You won’t hear the child.
Changed my life.
Now I can’t be a boy.
Now I can’t be a boy.

I wanna be a boy.
Everybody sound impatient.
Sunlight I’m gonna be.
I’m gonna be a hero.

Drainin’ the Steel

photo by Douglas
He just wants the people he love to be fair to. (vision of Nithish standing in the forest at a microphone stand and speaking into the mic)
Life is a very changed little boy.
He’s not gonna control.
Will see everything
eight thousand,
which means he doesn’t see it as himself.

You gotta take the phone out of his hands
and let him listen to you.
You got a therapy.
You can help it.
In the interest of therapy
you will go.
Okay then,
a PowerPoint presentation,
you spend the night with me in the phone.

He had just been through a hard time
for any conversation at all with him.
I let him
throw the other people in jail.
A file said that.
Boy’s not gonna go crazy
and do anything rough to his daddy.

Just bury your head and see
now’s not a good time.
I vintage.
We’re tired.
It’s been my dream
to have a mountain visit with daddy.
I can’t get up.

They don’t go.
They don’t leave him out.
They guard him all the time.
It’s impossible to see him
wherever they visit.
I can’t hear a car.

Did you make yourself useful?
Not yet.
See you soon
Nithish.
Goin’ to Kuru you’re not fondu, over?
I don’t think so.
I stay away from that plan.

Why is the son
not supporting seeing me?
What is that? (two visions of ugly, insane pictures of some horrible place)
Hell
my mother makes me imagine,
my mother messages me.
There is a want to see you
gotten in.

Could not believe it,
we are right where we see each other weird,
but I belong
to him.
In a child’s mind three and a half months is a long time
not bein’ with his daddy.
He forgets the report.
He forgets the love and attention.

Christ look ahead.
Don’t overlook your eves.
Does it take all day?
I’m with you so much
right now,
watch your glow.
(vision of Ramya, a young woman I’m a daddy to. She’s looking at me and smiling)
You give everybody kindness.
Give me your love and support.

On Monday the child never woke back.
Come here.
I told him
tomorrow’s thinking about that
does not measure our true love.
Have a good day.
I love you.

Go into the Earth tower,
I have to maintain.
I cannot see Nithish and that kills me.
I watch his moods change from day to day.
I’m inside his consciousness you see.
He toys with me like a rabbit
and then just puts me down and forgets about me for a while.

We achieved union together,
and this is the price I pay for it.
A child does not know your worth.
They only see themselves.
I can’t take this child anymore.
I carry his pain all day.
He just wants to be happy and forget about me.
I’m too much trouble for him right now.

What evil is this
a mother does to her child?
No one questions the mother’s insanity
to forbid any contact whatsoever,
when she herself will admit
I was good to the boy and did not abuse him.

This is killing his character,
but this is India,
and we don’t protect our children,
and we do not know the damage the heart can do
to a child that’s been made to kill his love
for one of his parents.
This boy will not be kind.

I can only sit here and watch it all
and cry.
I so want to help my boy.
I am with him every minute of every day,
and the sleepless nights
just tear me apart,
and it’s all I can do to maintain,
and I must maintain.

Do you consider me?
I’m a value in consciousness,
and the same you hear from me
I opened up in this boy,
but that has been killed too,
and no one seems to mind.

I love you Nithish,
and I will not give up on you,
and I understand your pain
and your need to be a boy.
I am a parent and I can take sacrifice.
I just wish you could see me
as I am
and not in the stench of gaslight
you mother has put you through.

It’s inevitable
that one day you will.
A demon can only hold the field for so long
before the divine forces prevail.
Do you see me Nithish?
I am here,
and I’m not going anywhere.

Forward

photo by his daddy
Let’s move forward Nithish.
It’s time to move forward Nithish.
The camera pushes in,
immediately replaces your silence with sound.
It seemed to have the heart glow of eternity.
Some price is right.
Making sense out of a horrible situation, okay?
I can be the whole thing now, forever.

Now I can’t be a boy. [line heard sung as though Nithish is singing it]

I can’t cover good for you
when he knows
you won’t say my name in proper.
You won’t say how you feel.

What do I need to save you?
I need you to call my name in public,
say how you really feel,
to whomever asks.
Be honest about it:
you want to live with your daddy;
you are not happy with your parents.

If you don’t do this you will die
to all of your dreams and aspirations,
to a happy childhood,
to being a teenager in America,
to being an adult who’s a poet,
who loves the world and protects children.
You will die to yourself Nithish.

Listen to me good.
I have more to say but that’s the main thing:
you must call my name now,
in front of your parents,
in front of Kuruchikuppam,
in front of the city of Pondicherry.

When a random stranger asks,
when your parents ask,
when anybody asks:
you love your daddy;
you want to live with him;
your parents have been very mean to you.

Go to type.
Type good news,
fast car,
your heart’s desire.
I need you to listen to me Nithish.
To mask truth
so people can rob you of your identity,
take from you who you are,
you’re destroying your own dreams;
you’re kissing the feet of those who abuse you;
you are not getting your heart’s desire;
you are getting nightmares.

Don’t worry.
I am here.
Let me help you,
but you need to also help yourself.
You are not helpless.
You are not a baby.
You are scared to death.

Do you know how many social workers
are watching what’s happening to you right now?
You have an audience of concerned people,
and your mother knows that.
If they try to put you into a boy’s hostel,
if you even get beat again,
they will stop all that,
but you need to speak up so they can.

They are going by what your mother tells them
and everyone else:
you are happy with her;
you do not want to see me;
you are perfectly normal now.

This is Nithish,
not who my mother says I am.
Call my name.
Call your own name,
else you will not come out of this water,
and you cannot be a boy.

They are going by what your mother tells them
and everyone else:
you are happy with her;
you do not want to see me;
you are perfectly normal now.

This is Nithish,
not who my mother says I am.
Call my name.
Call your own name,
else you will not come out of this water,
and you cannot be a boy.

How many thousands of books have failed,
books to help humanity,
and they never made to public eyes?
Do you want yours to fail Nithish?
You have to be the hero your dreams show you are.
You have to vanquish the demons
like you say you do in your poetry.
You have to stand up for yourself.
You have to stand up for every kid in the world.

That’s what’s going on:
you have to be the poet of a sunrise,
that sunrise a better humanity with our children.

The Book of Change The Eye of Change

photos by the author
I made a religious issue.
He’s not allowed to love the Mother and Sri Aurobindo.
He’s not allowed to write his poetry
from the divine,
that give you face to miracle.
He’s not even allowed to read his poetry
or see his YouTube videos

the poet takes shape.

He’s being beaten and bruised
to renounce me and these things,
and no one’s here to help him but me,
and they’re threatening me with jail if I go anywhere near him,
but will admit I did not abuse him,
was good to that boy.
They just don’t want him with me
because they have abused him,
and they don’t him to tell me that
so that I tell you.

We cannot have one second together
his mother brags.
Where do we put this on the shelf?
A child’s suicide?
A child runs away?
A child has a heart attack
nervous breakdown?
Or a child who’s dead to the world,
lost his humanity
because his parents killed it?
What kind of man will that make?

Pondicherry,
those are you options.
I can do nothing else but warn you
somethin’s terrible comin’
from that boy
if you deny his right to see me
and be the daddy I am to him,
aka his poetry guide and spiritual teacher.

We need your help.
This boy’s extraordinary
in his reaches of soul.
You could do well to have a poet of this stature.
Poetry the boy?
Imagine poetry the man.
He’s here for you,
and you do not see that.

You think a foreigner raised him,
and now a foreigner wants him back.
Do you every listen to your scripture?
It’s not about being Indian it’s about being human.
It addresses the world.
It takes the hand of oneness
and confronts the world with it.
I have that vision constant in my worldview.
You hate me for it.
I can love unconditionally,
and I can love this boy to safety,
despite your hatred of the foreigner.

In oneness there is no foreigners.
We are each human being,
and I ride your town with that identity,
and I was giving it to this little boy,
a worldview based on oneness,
based on who we are.
We are That you see.
What made India’s past great?
Godmen and Godwomen,
seers that brought down civilization from the Gods,
Rishis that reveal to us
the godly life.

I am not an American I am not a foreigner.
I am a human being through and through,
but I have chosen India as my home
because here the Gods can still communicate with us,
and God had more room to act,
because He is alive in so many hearts,
however narrow they put Him,
however blindly they may see Him.
It’s a devotion in every shop,
in every home,
and even the atheists have their banner,
but this great spirituality
that India carries in her inner waters,
cannot come to the surface a wellspring for all to drink.
You do not allow that.
You are orthodox Hindu,
orthodox Muslim,
orthodox Christian,
orthodox Buddhist,
orthodox Sikh,
orthodox Jain,
and by orthodox you wear a religion
and do not have concrete inner contact
with the God you adore,
where you view him or her real in consciousness,
or your spiritual ideal,
and through signs and wonders
let it guide you through your day.

This was India of old.
“The ancient minds were better,” Nithish says
in one of his poems.
But you just see that as political turmoil.
I’ve given you a boy,
who still needs further development by me,
but who already is a poet,
through his pain,
giving us high glimpses
of India’s rise
to her humanity.

You let his parents throw that away.
You just want the foreigner gone.
How do I speak to you emergency?
My child needs me you see
to bring him back to good and God.
You are hurting him with your silence,
validating his mother’s abuse of him,
his father’s,
validating the worldview to hurt children,
and I just don’t understand your reasoning.
You are not the boss here,
and this is not a hell world,
although in this situation,
it sure seems like it.

Can it get any worse?
This boy could die,
if not his body,
then his heart and mind to humanity.
This boy’s gonna die,
and you’re being warned before that happens.
Pondicherry,
save your child.

Yesterday night
he gave us a poem,
last time his poetry,
and inner dawn.
People were around to see it.
Where is the sensation?
His poetry record
gives us something to think about,
the paradox of time travel.
You can’t put it down
as a hoax.
You can’t even say it’s terrible poetry,
but it’s useless today
because it hits society
where she can’t figure out stuff,
and no one will get alarmed
that this poet’s being killed,
brainwashed, sat on, abused.

No one will believe me,
and no one will question the boy.
We have his mother on record saying,
“You will not tell on me you will tell what I tell you to say.”
Having just been beaten
for talking to me through a window,
he said mother I will do that,
and then he went to someone he trusted
and cried his eyes out,
wanting me,
wanting the abuse to stop,
and I can even tell you who it is to prove my story,
because he’ll lose the only shoulder he has to cry on.

He will have to be questioned with me,
or he will tell no one nothing,
and I’m the foreigner everybody keeps outside.
You do not know what fairness is,
nor do you care
Pondicherry.
You just want to beat your children,
play with their little dinghies,
make them do what you didn’t want to do as a child,
force them to revolve their life around school
and homework,
as though there is no soul purpose,
as though we are just animals
aggrandizing our gain.

I call on you Pondicherry
to give this boy his chance
at poetic greatness,
but we can at least
liberate him from his parents’
abuse of him and constant control,
and give him his heart’s desire,
his soul’s choice,
at least some days in the week with me,
so I can cure him help him heal him,
and prevent his parents from abusing him more.

Why is that an impossibility?
We go right to the roots of what’s wrong with Indian society:
how you raise children,
and make them subservient to parental abuse,
dominance and control.
You slap your children Pondicherry,
and you tell me it’s normal.

Here’s a fish out of the water
of the entire gamut of abuse,
Nithish’s story,
big so you can see it.
I’m askin’ you to take a look,
that look that brings change,
not because you are angry for what you have seen,
but because you have been hit in your very heart center
for the love of a child,
and you see yourself that child
when you went around the house in underpants,
and you see yourself those parents
diddling with his dolittle,
and slapping him because he doesn’t measure up.

I am not accusing you.
I have learned these lessons as one abused
and as an abuser,
larger than life
like this kid shows.
He got the benefit of all that wisdom,
all that handle with care.
I know how to treat children,
like they are the God in the room,
and they just simply love it there,
and this boy misses his daddy
and wants me to protect him,
but I can nothing
except tell you the story
and get down on my knees and ask you for help.
Please help my boy Pondicherry.

Nithish’s Poem to His Father

photos by the author
Father I can’t take this pain any longer.
It’s an illness to slam you.
I am not responsible at this,
but I know what I’m talking about.
Open mind comes with smartness.
With an open heart comes the father.
It has shaken my whole world,
changed my eyes.
My path is on a unicorn,
a big one.

I look out my widow every day
and ask for freedom
from this barrier.
It’s a block.
You just got to take another way.
You can’t go through it can you?
What if my path is highlighted from the others?
I have my own dreams to chase.

I just found this poem in my carry bag two days ago. I had forgotten about it. Nithish gave it to me some days before he was taken from my home on March 12th. He had been telling me he wanted his muse to give him another poem to his father to explain things. He wanted me to tell his parents these things so that they did not put him to one day a week with me. At that moment, he was living with me during the weekdays and with his parents on the weekends. He wanted to continue the arrangement.

He wrote this poem while at school from spiritual vision, meaning that he heard each line spoken into his inner ear, and he copied it down. He does not record the lines like a poem, just writes them down, as he is dyslexic and has a lot of trouble writing. If you have read his other poems posted here, you can see he has developed more as a poet and a writer, and you can hear his feelings and thoughts spoken very clearly, what he wants his father to know, but the poem never got to his father. He was taken just a few days after he wrote it. Below is the poem in his handwriting.

The Hat’s on Lisa

unless otherwise noted, photos by Donny, black and white photos developed by him
When you have sad news,
that murder with Lisa,
a parenting
did not handle it right.
How do I make amends?
You give her what she wants,
the tall part of the story.
She is the sacrifice of the story.
She is your dog.
What does Lisa’s death day mean?
It’s the ascension of dog.
She is taking on her human,
and with consciousness pain she does that,
birthing into another world.
We greet her there.
This has gone on for some time.
You need to meet,
and she forgives you and moves on.
Will she be there when I die?
This is not just some free-for-all.
It’s consciousness arranged.
That will be your other side guide dog,
and she will accompany you in death.
Don’t worry she’s your angel.

Three years ago today, on June 3, the day before my 60th birthday, my beloved Lisa Joy Rottweiler died in my bed surrounded by everybody in our house. Dr. JP was our vet, had been for some years, had been to our house many times, but it was during lockdown, and he was shifting to a new location for his clinic, and he neglected Lisa and misdiagnosed her condition and gave her tablets that caused kidney failure, and he knew she had kidney disease. We took her to an expensive dog hospital in Chennai, and they made a bad decision to have her undergo dialysis when she was septic inside. I had to take her across town to the government vet hospital, and they wanted to admit her but told me I could not stay with her, and so I asked that, if I took her home and got her the treatments she needed, would she live, and he said yes. She died that night.

She did not pass rightly but got trapped in some dark place in-between life and death. I was going into lucid dream and calling her, did that several times, but she would not come to me so that I could help her rise out of there. I learned to my horror that she thought I’d killed her, as I’d unknowingly given her the tablets that made her kidneys fail, and I made that bad decision in Chennai, because of wanting the pleasure of spending my birthday with my boy, Nithish, who was back home in Pondicherry.

She was so present at our house after her death, but it was Nithish that saw her in dream the most. I had visions of her all day long, but she would not let me pet her or hold her big, beautiful head in my hands. She would just look at me with such sadness and the look you give someone when they’ve utterly betrayed you. She began changing forms, as soon after death we do that, and our bodies do not stay as we know them. She became very deformed. Demons came to claim her, as she was on the outskirts of hell. She fought them off and somehow managed to find a place there so she could always see me. Despite thinking that I’d killed her, I was still the love of her life, and she did not want to leave me. It was horrible, heartbreaking situation.

From the moment she died, I was in heavy grief, similar to that I’ve felt with Nithish being taken from me, and it’s as though he is dead because I can’t see him or talk to him. I gave her my tears, a lot or tears, but it didn’t show her I didn’t kill her. To this day, three years later, it’s still unresolved, and I am still in grief over her.

Photo by Nithish

On the first anniversary of her death Nithish met her in a movie theater in a dream. She was the only one in the theater, and Nithish came in, saw her seated about in the middle of the theater, and he went and sat next to her. Then on the screen began to show images of Lisa with Nithish and me in her life with us. Then she looked at him very lovingly, very sadly, and the dream ended.

The extraordinary thing about Lisa is she is to be human in her next life and was a dog with almost human eyes and feelings. I believe that dogs and cats are with us, why we brought them into our fire circle so long ago, to be the species that is the jumping off place to the human being in the evolution of the soul. Lisa is now in the afterlife on the way to being a human being in her next life, a dog developed to the upmost a dog can be developed in terms of consciousness and proximity to human, and she has managed to find a niche there so to continue to see me and present herself to me so to resolve her death, but it’s a heaven place she’s at; she’s no longer in darkness. This in itself is incredible for a dog to do, but now she’s reaching out on her death day to tell me what she wants, and I’m giving it to her, Lisa my dog, above any other dog I have. She sacrificed her life so Nithish and I can be together again, so our relationship continues, and she’s at the top of the story.

photo by Kamesh

My Sign

photos by the author

by S. Nithish

1st Part

I am Nithish a growing poet.
I will write for the world and me,
and I will take big steps anywhere, anytime.
I am opening (muse) my marker
a bag with development.
If the bag doesn’t get bigger
I will fly away.

Oh I am high on poetry.
Get me a ride home.
Hey god, how tall are you?
Ha h aha I’m going to my job.

2nd Part

Exchange the world for some divine,
and my marker call the muse.
Will you listen to the paper it’s right.
Why are the poets here for?