To murder someone else
on the arms of a little boy,
in the status of a little boy,
you hit the nail on the head
with what keeps us from being human to one another,
what keeps our humanity at bay
in the everyday meaning of relationship.

Nithish has a parent that’s me
we didn’t put together by law
or found by blood.
Time did it,
growin’ him up in my care,
parenting him.
No amount of denial can change that
in this boy’s heart
or in my shattered life.
No amount of lies can make it undone.
We are parent and child and more.

We are each other’s significant other
in that our lives are undone
in the worry over the other.
Where do you see that?
In his inability to concentrate solely on school,
in his brooding silence,
in his anger
that’s at a flashpoint every time,
in his antsyness and nervousness
not knowing what to do,
in his inability to sleep at night.
These are just vehicles.
Those around him know something’s up,
have known for months now,
and all the punishment you can give him can’t stop it,
all the control.

You got a situation
where you’ve gotten rid of one of the most important people in your son’s life, /
a very important person to your life,
even important to the school his goes to,
and that was done in what amounts to murder in the first degree,
where you simply killed him
as cruelly as you did that:
without any thought of goodness
or proper action,
cut me out of your boy’s life
like he was holding the gun,
and you even made him shoot me,
and he suffers for that to no end.

You can’t say why you done it,
just that your parental rights give you that right,
and I have none,
what it boils down to,
whatever the dyslexia of the situation,
the Sri Aurobindo,
and you split your family doing that,
made culpable his school.

Who am I again?
A real live person in your life
no amount of getting rid of will get rid of,
and even if you actually did kill me,
or send me off in space,
I would be around your neck
in plain view of that boy
for the rest of your relationship with him,
what you did to me and why
so you can have him for yourself.

Can we rule of the heart of the matter?
And the heart is a tough customer,
and you feel it too.
It’s what we live by,
overrides every rule,
shows itself as the leader of the life
in every relationship.
It can’t be denied,
and even if you ignore it,
it will make sure you can’t,
and you can’t can you Sandiya?
That’s why you control him so much.
You know he wants to be with me.

He’ll be 13
in less than a week.
I’ve been to every birthday that boy’s had,
been a principle player.
You know what he wants for his birthday.
He wants his daddy.
He needs his daddy.
You are his mother,
and that’s what mothers do,
meet their child’s needs.
Was he born from your womb and now you own and possess him,
or are you really his mother?
Well are you?

Anyway,
I want to see him on his birthday.
Why can’t that be arranged?
That’s tonight’s show.